As the title says.. is this depression or just a lonely life?

[DepressionORlife]

I am 40 and finding myself feeling utterly lost most days.

I have a supportive husband who works hard so that I can be at home for the children who both have SEN but although they need me around, they are aged 11 and 14 so no longer am I able to just pop them in the car for days out and often they don’t want to do the same thing / be around each other so im dividing my days into sections constantly.

I have tried to work part time / term time jobs but my youngest has ESBA and school days are very unpredictable in terms of her making it in so this was just an additional stress.

I find friends have dwindled away or busy doing fun things with their own NT children that mine can’t do.

I try to catch up with them for a walk / cofeee but largely come away feeling emotionally drained and that they probably don’t like me very much.

Im waiting to be assessed myself for ADHD and ASD and my DH is autistic and Not very emotionally available - when I get upset about how I’m feeling he genuinely can’t understand why I’m lonely or unhappy.

Sorry for the long post but after hours of wandering around the woods alone with the dog as neither child could be bothered to come, it’s all just got to me today 😢

Loneliness causes depression. That’s just what life is like when you’re autistic.

It is depression caused by being lonely. A lot of people are in the same boat in this day and age tbh.

I would suggest try making friends and hobbies any way you can. Just because you are 40 does not mean your life is over and you can't make new friends and try new things.

Just out of curiosity, why do you feel emotionally drained after handing out with your existing friends?

It sounds like both which isn’t surprising under the circumstances, and would be true if you were neuro diverse or not (which is not to say it isn’t a factor).

I think your first port of call is your GP, they need to know about your low mood to offer help.

Do your kids have social support? One way or another you do need to start to build up a life outside the house. It doesn’t sound like you can brainstorm this with your husband (?) but you need someone to discuss it with - could you join an organisation for parents managing similar conditions to your kids? If you are pretty sure you are neuro diverse, are there groups for that?

I sounds like your kids can fend for themselves as long as you are around - could you look at working from home - and / or do some training to try and build a skill set for the future.

Your DP also needs to cover some evenings / weekends so you can get out - to meet ups groups, the gym etc. Are they resistant to that?