Why is there a ‘us vs them’ culture when it comes to separated parents ?

[Girlygirl101]

I understand having a toxic relationship or feelings still involved for why co parenting relationships form like that.

I was in that situation for a while that developed in to you don’t talk to me and I won’t talk to you. only talking through third parties.

However, I have had time to think and reflect and family is family. Your child wouldn’t exist without the other person and visa Versa. I’m starting to think it’s a poor decision to think both parents can live separate lives with one child and expect a child to be whole, when they practically have to create two identities in two separated families.

You wouldn’t do business or hand over something so special, to you to people you don’t know, trust or speak to. So by creating a divided relationship with your child’s other family doesn’t that make matter worse for everyone?

I would love to hear peoples opinions on this?

I completely agree. Obviously there are different situations that won't fall into this but for the majority of people they've chosen to have a child with someone and then when things end rather than just accept that relationships end it turns bitter and one or both people think 'how could I ever have liked them, they are beneath me'. When really they could accept that there are good times but they don't last forever, and let's to the best thing for our children.

I think it's partially evolutionary.. when you split up with someone it's probably unhealthy to harbour feelings for them so better to hate them than try and find a balance.

Also, there's a lot of fallout with breakups. Especially when one person thinks they own the kids and should keep the house/all the assets. If one person in the relationship is being unreasonable it's difficult for the other person to continue being decent.

I'm 9 weeks separated and me and ex dh are at that stage right now. I 100% would prefer to be on friendlier terms and you never know, maybe 1 day, but right now, if I'm too nice to him he takes it as a sign that I might be open to reconciling (which I'm 100% not) so I find it easier to maintain a steely civility in order not to send any mixed signals.

That, plus he's been acting like an entitled arse (nothing new there) so steely civility is about as good as it gets right now.