Should I reply?

[mistymirror]

This is a tricky one to write in one post so I'm going to try and make it as to the point as possible.
Recently I've been going through a tough time with my Dad and his side of the family (my step mum, half brother and half sister) I don't refer to them as half but for this purpose it's important to know they are. I am early 30s now and B&S are late 20s. I've felt very pushed out of the family in recent events and not told information, lied to and overall just been treated like an outsider by them all. I voiced this to them and they are aware of how I feel, they haven't defended themselves in anyway just acted quite coldly regarding the whole thing and dismissive.
Now sadly my Mum has been diagnosed with cancer. I let my Dad know who sent a text to say he was very upset and so was SM and S and he would let B know - he made the whole message about them actually but I just left it.
This was over a week ago and I hadn't received a message off any of them to see how I am or offer their sympathy. My Dad has been very supportive however and messages often to see how things are etc. I mentioned to my Dad the other day when he came round to see me that I hadn't heard anything from B&S. That night all within an hour of each other and over a week after they found out about my Mum each of them have messaged me - it's on what's app so I haven't read yet to see full message but from what I can see they are just saying 'sorry to hear about your mum'
They've obviously been told to message me that's why they are doing so. It feels very forced and false and now I'm wondering do I reply and say 'thanks etc etc' or just ignore?
I feel hurt by them and like I'm not considered as one of them. I'm heartbroken about my Mum and I can't believe they would ignore such an awful thing to happen to me when I know I wouldn't do the same to them.
I also realise my emotions are heightened right now and maybe I'm not thinking straight.

Oh OP

I'm v sorry to hear this

I'd take the high road and thank them for their message.

Xx

I think you want more from them then they're prepared to give. You need to just be on good terms with your dad and not force a relationship with your siblings. Don't badger your dad about them either then he'll just feel in the middle and that's not fair. Just keep your good relationship with your dad, he's clearly been supportive of your tough time with your mum so keep that going and don't force anything further with your siblings. I would at least reply and say thank you and then leave it there.

Thanks both for your replies.

I have read the messages now and just heart reacted to them. I won't bother making conversation.

Find meaningful relationships in the ones you have and try not to foster them with people who won't give back. Know your self worth even if it hurts xx

Gently. Your dad told them. They said they were upset about it to him. Your dad. Has prompted them to contact you. They have

They really havent done anything wrong. You are projecting a bit.

Yes reply

Thank you

Yes reply

Thank you

OP, in life many many people waste years pursuing a relationship with people that are largely ambivalent about them.

A truly terrible waste, that when the penny eventual drops can often precipitate huge regret and grief.

Others will twitter on about relationship's not being transactional, not giving to receive and all that twaddle!

I firmly believe in reprocosity in relationship's.

Not 50/50 exactly to the letter, but more in principle.

That to have a mutually beneficial relationship with any one that I am interested and invested in, .....they too must have a similar interest in my general life/wellbeing etc.

Anything else is unsatisfactory, one-sided, and ultimately a waste of MY time.

This applies equally to family.
If they have zero interest in you, you don't have to cut them off, you simply reflect back a similar commitment level to them.

It is hugely energy preserving.

I am so sorry about your mum, that is very hard and painful.
If they have to be told to do something so absolutely basic as send a kind text, I really wouldn't waste precious energy on them.
They cannot give you what they haven't got.
Focus on your mum, yourself and accept whatever your father can give.
Turn to friends if you can or other family.

Conserve your precious energy for yourself.

Not quite sure what else they could say. Also you're dad was probably trying to point out they are upset for you

This nails it.

She is not their family but you are!

they should care enough about you as their sibling to want to check on you and offer their empathy while you are going through a massive life event.
it doesn’t actually matter that they probably don’t feel much (possibly) about the news as this person isn’t actually related to them, you are.

for example
I will caveat this by saying it may be different as we were raised together and I know other families where they were related as half siblings through the father who weren't raised together so weren’t not close at all and I understand that makes a difference when in adulthood.

my half siblings were devastated when my father died. For me and cared about a man they knew.

another Example
my uncle (by marriage) recently lost his mother.
i have never met this woman but I called my uncle to express my sympathy and have messaged a couple of times to check in as even though I don’t have any emotions about a woman iv never met passing away he does and I care for my uncle and want to show him that.

Your dad might have forgotten to tell them