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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Park wars

26 replies

Samthedog71717 · 06/08/2024 21:15

Went to a lovely big park today with my 8 year old and his friend. There is a lovely woodland section where the tree surgeons in the park stack wood with the purpose of children building a den. There was a woman with three younger kids and one older sat on a fallen log nearby. My son pulled a big stick off the pile, it disturbed the pile and sent a small twig falling onto the head of one of the children. My son apologised and said he didn't mean to do it. I was nearby so could hear everything. She asked him what his problem was.
I marched over told her that I'd heard it all and it had been a mistake and he had been sorry. She got up muttering something.
Half an hour later my son and his friend are dismantling another den which was no longer being used. An older man turns up and starts guarding it. Then an older child starts snatching bits from my son. I told him not to snatch. I should have known whose kid and father they were. Bloody wood pile mum comes rocking up muttering about how her son had been in the cafe having his dinner and now wanted to play in the den he made.
My argument is that you can't expect children to not dismantle things that they are supposed to dismantle and you can't expect something to still be there if you leave it. She was fucking nuts.

OP posts:
Itsajobones · 06/08/2024 21:20

YABU they shouldn't be dismantling dens, who does that?! But also the mum was in a wrong making a deal about the twig in the first place. You both need to chill.

mondaytosunday · 06/08/2024 21:22

I wouldn't have my kids dismantle a den! Play in it sure. Why let your kid do that? Surely there are plenty of twigs and bits to build their own den.

Iiquidsnake · 06/08/2024 21:23

Your kids sound like a bloody nightmare

DoreenonTill8 · 06/08/2024 21:23

How small was the twig? Was the child sitting below the sticks your dc moved?

OlympicsFanGirl · 06/08/2024 21:26

Sounds like all the adults involved were stressed and fractious.

Hoppinggreen · 06/08/2024 21:28

You shouldn't dismantle dens, your son sounded like he was being a bit of a pain

mraladdinsir · 06/08/2024 21:29

Ah no...I wouldn't be allowing the wee one to dismantle a den, that's not nice manners at all. The twig (if small) part is overkill, I agree.

Whaleandsnail6 · 06/08/2024 21:30

I wouldn't let my kids dismantle a den that someone had just made...surely there was enough sticks to go around for everyone to make their own den?

Thats like knocking someones sand castle over after they have left!

The stick thing...how close to this boy was the pile that your son disturbed? Yes your son apologised but it sounds like the boy could have potentially been really hurt by a pile of falling sticks.

modgepodge · 06/08/2024 21:32

If no one ever dismantles a den surely the space would fill up quickly and there’d be no room left or logs left for anyone else to build one?!!

Samthedog71717 · 06/08/2024 21:34

It was a den made of branches but when one is unattended or not being used they are generally dismantled and the bits reused for anther den. The den was unattended, how would we know he'd gone for his dinner. When they first started moving it along with about 20 other kids her dad wasn't guarding it.
Should their den stand as a permanent monument then?
@liquidsnake how do they sound like a nightmare?
There was a fallen log which she was sat on with the smaller ones, the wood pile was directly behind this she was leaning on it the wood was beig pulled from the woodpilr by around 10 kids. My son was one that pulled a branch and small twig fell on her kids head for which he apologised.
Why the fuck would you sit against a building pile then complain that a twig fell on you.?

OP posts:
FLOWER1982 · 06/08/2024 21:36

Sounds like the holidays are really getting to everyone.

Samthedog71717 · 06/08/2024 21:36

But there was no one near the den when he started dismantling it. Her dad came along half way but didn't say anything. I don't have psychic powers.

OP posts:
Samthedog71717 · 06/08/2024 21:37

@FLOWER1982 probably eight but I can't abide entitlement

OP posts:
Londonrach1 · 06/08/2024 21:40

We dens in our local woods...no way do you take them apart! You add to them.

Re the other twig issue different to know. On the twig fence here.

Whatevershallidowithmylife · 06/08/2024 21:43

You improve the den you don’t dismantle it.

Whaleandsnail6 · 06/08/2024 21:45

I suppose without being there and seeing how much space or sticks were left over, its hard to say if your kids were wrong for taking from the den.

Yes, you cant expect your den to stay there for ever but I just dont think half an hour is a long time to leave something you have made, I can imagine kids being disappointed to come back to their den after dinner to find it ruined.

I've been to similar sounding play areas and there have always been ample space and sticks around to not need to take from someone's den so maybe I'm basing my opinion on that

inaterribleplace · 06/08/2024 21:46

My kids just attended a den making course with a park ranger over the hols. They were told you should always dismantle the den as if it had never been there, they spent ages making it then played in it then took it apart, 'leave no trace' they were told.

Just adding my two cents worth for all those saying 'never dismantle a den'.

SquirrelRed · 06/08/2024 21:47

I've been to several places with set ups for den building like you describe, and you absolutely do dismantle other people's dens when they've finished! Otherwise there would just be a few dens permanently there and no one else would ever get to build any!

Edenmum2 · 06/08/2024 21:48

Lady you need to chill out. You're discussing dens with strangers on the internet, have a word with yourself.

EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 06/08/2024 21:49

This sounds awfully middle class 🤣

ChubSeedsYorkie · 06/08/2024 22:09

Agree with others you don’t dismantle the dens. Can’t comment on the twig but as not sure how big the twig was tbh.

Bushmillsbabe · 06/08/2024 22:15

Did you see the den being assembled?
I wouldn't dismantle a den which had been built and used that day as the 'builder' may return to it.

I may take apart a older den which was falling down anyway, if leaving it meant that there was no space to build another one.

Ultimately though, the thing that stands out is that the children weren't working well together, your child was just with his friend? And the other child was staying with their family? They could have worked together, and then all of this could have been avoided.

Yourdemonsyourproblem · 07/08/2024 00:30

This is so dumb

Samthedog71717 · 07/08/2024 08:11

The den was there with no one in it. It'd been built before we got there and left. While there were plenty of building materials there wasn't enough to leave all dens built all day if left unattended .

OP posts:
Marmite27 · 07/08/2024 08:16

Bushmillsbabe · 06/08/2024 22:15

Did you see the den being assembled?
I wouldn't dismantle a den which had been built and used that day as the 'builder' may return to it.

I may take apart a older den which was falling down anyway, if leaving it meant that there was no space to build another one.

Ultimately though, the thing that stands out is that the children weren't working well together, your child was just with his friend? And the other child was staying with their family? They could have worked together, and then all of this could have been avoided.

Edited

But if there’s no one playing in the den, and you didn’t see it being built, how do you know it was built that day?

I’m with you OP, if no one is actively building/playing with the den, you’re fine to dismantle.

If you can never dismantle a den, only the first people to build would ever get to build one!