Would you take a 5 year old to Australia

[Bucketlistdilema]

My Aunty has been diagnosed with blood cancer, although she's in the "watch and wait" stage and isn't receiving any treatment.

One thing she really wants to do is go to Australia as she has family there and her and my Mum have always had plans to go "one day" but obviously her diagnosis has made them seriously consider making plans sooner.

Long story short it was suggested that I go with them as my Mum doesn't know any of her family so we could do things separately without my Aunty feeling like she's leaving my mum alone and we could also book some things to do the three of us without the pressure of being in each others pockets all the time. For context I went 15 years ago as a young backpacker and my Aunty and I have spoken about her going, I've shared photos and always encouraged her to go - she's an experienced traveler so its similar interest we've always shared.

I have a DD5, DH has said that she could stay at home and he would look after her, I have no doubt that he's perfectly capable of taking care of her (and frankly it would do him good) but I don't think I could leave her for potentially two weeks, its seems like a very long time for a child to be away from their mum 😔

Would I be bonkers to take her (DM and Aunty are happy either way) and would her school lose their mind at me taking her out for so long. A class mate of hers went to Aus over Christmas last year for 4 weeks in total and they were okay with it but I've read that things are getting much stricter now?

Any thoughts?

Apart from anything else, I think taking a small child with you places limitations on the sort of holiday you’re going to be able to have / activities you’ll be able to do and so forth, which are at odds with the idea of an adult “trip of a lifetime.” Your Aunt may say differently (either genuinely or feeling the need to be polite and accommodating), but I don’t think I’d want to be placing the needs of a 5-year-old forefront on such a major trip - which of course, is what’s just the norm when children are involved.

I suspect that yes, you’d come up against resistance from school over a term time holiday. It would be different if it was e.g. to visit a terminally ill immediate relative abroad, but this isn’t that.

Depends on what sort of things your Aunt wants to do, what sort of child you have and what your aunt thinks about it.

Is your child quite adaptable, ie. will just go along with whatever the adults are doing, or is she quite demanding? Does she have any particular needs?

Yes, the school will have a problem with it but I think in most areas you’re allowed up to 2 weeks unauthorised absence without being fined? So these will be your 2 weeks.

It’s not really unreasonable if you think the rest of your family would enjoy having her there. School might count it as an "unauthorised absence" but if her attendance is normally good the worst that could happen is you would get a fine. In my county it would be £80 for each of you and your husband if you pay within 21 days.

However, even apart from the hassle of such a long flight it can be very difficult coping with the sleep disruption of a young child with jet lag. You would spend at least the first few days there trying to get her used to the new sleeping pattern and then after you get back home she would take a while to get back to her normal pattern.

If you think she and your husband would both be OK it might be better to leave her with him. You could FaceTime every day.

its seems like a very long time for a child to be away from their mum

yet it’s not too long to take her away from her dad?

Any reason why 2 weeks wouldn't be a long time for your child to be away from her Dad?

No, don't take it. I quite enjoy flying but the flights to and back Australia in my 20s felt never ending and drove me up the wall. I went for 8 months, I wouldn't do that length of flight again unless I was going to be out there for at least a month.

Plus, you're daughter won't really get any benefit out of the trip. She's 5, stuff that 5 year olds will find entertaining will be exactly the same in Australia as the UK.

I’m Australian and have visited with my children several times since they were babies. Mainly to see family, but always do a few more touristy things.
I would say, on this occasion, leave her at home. It’s a long way and a big expense and for the amount that she would get out of it or remember vs how limited you will be by her being there, it just isn’t worth it.

I had a similar circumstance and decided to leave DC and DH here for two weeks while I was away, similar age. I felt that bringing her would be more for my benefit than hers, as she'd miss school, be jet lagged twice, be out of familiar environment, be dragged around with her schedule and activities dictated by the adults. But I'd avoid the guilt if I took her and would not have to miss her. So I went without them and it was fine, she was fine with me away, they had a lovely time.

And as PP, the highlights of my DCs trips over the years have been the hotel pool and the breakfast buffet. 🤨

This. I'm a bit shocked at the double standards here from the OP.

Assuming the mum is the primary caregiver?

For most children of this age their mum is their primary caregiver. Of course it’s going to be different being away from them for 2 weeks as opposed to a secondary caregiver, let’s be honest

Leave at her home. Of course it isn’t too long to be away from you.

This trip needs to be about your Aunt and what she wants to do. She shouldn’t be limited by a 5 year old. That isn’t the trip of a lifetime.

A child of that age will completely dominate the trip, and you will be limited as to what you can do with your aunt and DM. I also don't think she'll get much out of it at that age.

In my opinion it will be far better to leave her with DH. It will feel like a long time without her, but you can Facetime every night, and she'll be in a familiar environment.

Its complete double standards, the same double standard's that mean I do 90% of all housework, cooking etc. I agree and never said it was right but unfortunately its how my family works at the moment going into that would be a whole other thread....

Time for her to bond with her Dad, then.

I don't know why people are nitpicking over you rightly saying it's a long time to be away from mum. In most cases mums are the primary caregiver, I know many dads who work away quite a lot and the children are used to that. They're also used to mum being there every day so that's a perfectly legitimate concern. I wouldn't leave my five year old to go to Australia it just wouldn't work for us.

I would take her or not go.

Took my 3 yr old out to meet my grandmother and extended family for her 90th. He turned 4 out there, he has core memories (as do I) and talks fondly about it. Really important if family are involved; that's the only time he met her (and the last time I saw her) before she died.

I would not want to be away from our DS for 2 weeks, neither would my DH, can it be turned into a holiday dad and child come on, so you get to do things together and your DC can do other things if you guys need adult time ?

Thank you, I had a feeling this would happen, Im so happy to see that the world is changing and that mums shouldn't be the default parent but honestly a lot of us are battling against archaic "family values" it isn't as simple as leaving 🙄and it wasnt the point of my question

I am the primary parent by far, so yes of course Id be far more worried about be separated from her.

Why? Why cause unnecessary upheaval and potential upset just so mum can go off on a holiday she’s not even that bothered about? If it was an emergency, sure.

I’m with OP here, I would also feel uncomfortable leaving my 5 yr old for that amount of time.

Would the trip be immediate? I’m assuming not.

If not, you have time to build up to leaving her for 2 weeks so she would be more used to it.

I think in this instance no. As mentioned it will really restrict what you can do.
Go with your mum and aunt and enjoy a bit of freedom from childcare. It's not too long to be away - your DD will have her dad and you can always FaceTime.

Took my nearly five year old to spend time with his family including my dying grandma. It was a wonderful trip and he can recall all of it ten years later.

I went myself as a nearly seven year old for a month with my mum while my dad remained at home. It was fine and this was before cheap phone calls or face time.

It's entirely up to you. I brought my kids to Australia at a similar age and they had lots of fun but barely remember it now. If you want to make it into a holiday DD will remember then maybe you should go together when she's older and leave her with your husband now. She'll have fun too! I have lots of fun with just my kids when DH is away... the dynamic is different and I find it quite relaxing.

I lived in Aus for years and I've seen families do the long flights UK/Aus with young kids, so it's possible. I suppose like others have said it depends on your DD and how she'd likely find so much sitting in a confined space around other people.

Do think about where in Australia you'd like to visit with your Aunt. You can fly Perth-London direct but it's another flight to get over to the eastern cities (Melbourne, Sydney). So if your Aunt wants to visit lots of places it could be lots of travelling because you'd have the journey to Aus and then journeys to subsequent destinations.

You could stay in Perth, it's a lovely place albeit not so much to do as the other cities, and very hot in summertime (our winter) which would impact what you all do including DD. There's lots of places elsewhere in Western Australia (the state with Perth in), but you'll need to drive hours. For example there are gorgeous places north of Perth but they'd easily be a 10+ hour drive. If you go south of Perth you could get to some lovely towns in 3-4 hours. So doable for an adult to do as a 'weekend away' from Perth but still probably quite a big ask for a kid. (I would highly recommend Margaret River though! And if it's an adult trip, the wineries are honestly fantastic round there as well as the scenery. Stunning).

So, do have a think about the type of trip your Aunt would like and thoroughly research to make sure that you're happy to stay in one place if that's what you decide on, which I think would be easiest on kids as opposed to lots of long car/plane journeys with a massive plane trip on either end of the holiday. Aus is stunning but there's often lot of travelling to get to places because it's so huge!