Do you think making a statement will make it worse?

[Estelleb87]

I've been having problems with a neighbour i don't get on with about what he refers to as constant banging, the constant banging I believe he's referring to is my toddler being heavy on his feet. He doesn't take care to walk around quietly as I do, he doesn't know any better. I'm doing my best.

I spent almost £1000 on carpet and £25 on some ridiculous slippers that claim to reduce the sound of steps in flats. I can hear everything from the family above me too. The block has absolutely no sound proofing. Everyone's in the same position.

After a somewhat peaceful few months of no problems he has has appeared at my door again this afternoon. My boys were playing with cars at the time, they certainly weren't making a racket as I don't allow them to. Any hint of being loud and I'm on it.

The neighbour tells me to tell them to keep it down. I asked, sincerely, what exactly it was he was hearing as they're just playing with toys they're not walking/running around. Well, with that he lost it.

Shouting, swearing and threatening me in front of the children who unbeknownst to me had followed me to the door.

It went from shouting about banging now to then shouting about how they get up too early and he can hear them getting up at 6.30am. He was absolutely raging at me.

At this point I said he needs to leave or I'm going to call the police and that was like a red flag to a bull. His girlfriend must have heard it all and came running out, she had to stand in front of him and drag him away as it looked like he was going to attack me, she managed to get him away from my door but he was still swearing and making threats as he left.

He said that if I call the police it'll be the worst thing I ever do and "that's it, watch what happens next now you've said that"

I had a talk with his girlfriend who tried to assure me that he won't do anything and it's just hot air but I'm absolutely petrified and I don't know what to do.

I have three police logs already about him but I asked for them to just be logged and kept on file incase it escalated as then I'd have a better case for harassment. The officer felt that was a reasonable thing to do at the time.

I was worried that if they pay him a visit it will come back on me because people like him don't like the police, which they acknowledged.

Logically it's simple isn't it? Make a statement, but he's made it clear that if I do I'll be making things worse. It should all be recorded on my ring doorbell (which I bought for exactly this reason)

Would you make a statement and risk escalating things or not?

I've found the written log I was keeping of all the previous incidents. There's 46 seperate entries about him banging on the ceiling with what sounded like a hammer, sometimes multiple times a day and for 5 minutes at a time, at various points in the day.

For example, I was doing some hoovering at 1pm in the afternoon. He went off on one and started whacking the hell out of the ceiling.

Another time my (then 1yo) DS tripped over, it was 3.15pm, he starts banging.

DS birthday, 11.30am we're singing happy birthday - he starts banging and shouting.

He stands underneath my kitchen window when it's open and blows cannabis smoke up into my flat and laughs about it. I know that's not a crime, I'm just mentioning it to show what sort of person he is.

It has been relentless and completely unreasonable, reading all of this back does reaffirm that he's in the wrong. I always start to doubt myself and wonder if I somehow deserve it.

Thank you. I'm going to do it before I lose my nerve.

They do have physical fights, I've heard it. From what I've heard (which is pretty clear from my living room) she can be the aggressor when she's had a drink but he hits back. I think they're both as bad as each other for it.

That aside, she is definitely the more reasonable one when it comes to the neighbourly aspect.

It's scary but as you have evidence of threats, I'd report it and ask them to take action. Without hard evidence, it would be different.

You may be able to get an injunction/non molestation against him. He could get an ASBO. These would mean he's in serious trouble if he starts again and you could call 999 immediately.

I've lived on an estate with lots of people like this. They get worse if they see you as a weak target who won't do anything. You've got great evidence to get a result now.

He may already be living under some sort of conditions and breaking them might get him out of your hair.

It's awful to be bullied like this, I'm so sorry.

If you really thought he was going to attack you, and he was threatening - that can be assault.

I'm just waiting to see if I can have somebody mind the children and I'm going to go to the police station. He isn't getting anyway with it anymore if I can help it. Not after doing that in front of them.

Good luck OP, ask them to put an urgent response marker on your address incase he escalates it

I’d report to the police.

He sounds the type to already have a police record.

Next time his girlfriend might not be there to step in between you and stop him from beating you up in front of your own children.

According to his partner he's never been in trouble with the police. I'd be very surprised if that were true.

I can't get somebody to have the kids and don't really want to drag them to the police station so I'll have to go tomorrow at lunch time when they're going to be out with dad.

I'm really on edge 😕

I've submitted the report online instead.

Watching back the footage he's flapping his arms about shouting "me and you, me and you, me and you, watch" like a right idiot.

It would be funny if i didn't think he might actually do something.

Hi,
I’ve just read through this post.
are you ok Estelle? Did you get any response from your report?
sending hugs, very scary time but you’ve done the right thing, he can’t get away with this xx

Thanks for asking. I have reported it and I'm just waiting for the police to get in touch.

I went to the station Thursday as nobody had called me back. The lady on reception was able to see on the log that the police attempted to visit me at home that day.. but had gone to the wrong address. I'm "number 10" and they'd gone to "number 35". I've no idea how that came about. She updated the details with a message asking that officer to give me a call to arrange a time. So I'm just waiting for them to contact me now.

I'm so sorry you had to deal with an absolute arsehole like that Bertie what is wrong with these people? It's really encouraging to hear from somebody who came out the other side with the neighbours moving though. I live in hope.

He's been saying for atleast a year he's going to move but no sign of him actually doing it.

I'm glad you reported it. I had similar years ago with a neighbour but over my black sack being outside my door. Apparently it was in his way, which was ridiculous because our doors were either side of the hallway, so unless he was walking to my door inorder to go down the stairs directly outside his flat, I don't know what the issue was. Yes they shouldn't be there but I'd just had surgery and whilst I'd managed to get it to the door I was in so much pain I couldn't lift it anymore so was waiting for my brother to come and help.

Anyway, after that it was constant. To the point he tried forcing entry to the flat whilst my children were there. The police were involved amd put a priority flag on my number/address so even if I called and couldn't speak they'd come to the property.

As it was, he was actually HA and I was encouraged to report it to them by the police and he was served with an eviction notice and was gone 2 weeks later.

Ask for them to flag your number as a priority and make sure your phone is set up for emergency situations just to be on the safe side x

You say he blows cannabis smoke into your window? You say that's not illegal, well it most certainly is, cannabis is a class B controlled drug, therefore illegal in the UK. I'd definitely report him for that as well as all the other incidents.
It all adds to the pattern of unreasonable and threatening behaviour.
Also if there's so little soundproofing, surely other neighbours have heard him threatening you, or even experienced his temper themselves, could you see if anyone else would make a complaint?

Smoking canabis is illegal in the uk, often ignored by police though.
sounds like youve done the right thing, although consider if its (possible) worth you moving on. Sounds like ignoring him the living situation isn’t great having to be quiet, but understand not everyone can move.
with reporting him what would you say if he was harassing your mum or gran? Or directly to your kids? Always report.

Does he rent or own? If renting then report to landlord.

Invest in a ring doorbell, they will capture his threats. Pop a sticker on the window to ensure people are suitably warned/notified.

Why not read the thread? She does have a Ring doorbell, it has captured the threats and she's uploaded the footage to the police.

Extend the motion radius

And yes contact police

Even if it's on record

Sorry - thread didn't show you had gone to police

But you have. How on earth did they get numbers wrong and go to a diff flat

How are things now few days later

I do have a ring doorbell already yes, and I've downloaded the footage ready to give to the police.

I still haven't been contacted unfortunately. I was warned that they were under a lot of pressure at the moment with all the unrest that's going on so she couldn't say exactly when the officer would make contact.

It's frustrating though because this could've already been dealt with by now if they'd have just called me before attempting to visit the wrong house 😐

I haven't had any further contact with the neighbour since that day. Hopefully his girlfriend has talked some sense into him. I'm still planning to pursue it through the police regardless.

Edited to add - good point about broadening the recording radius on the doorbell. I'll do that today.

So sorry you are having to deal with this. Hope the police contact you soon.

Apologies, I missed that.

Finally got a call back, they're coming at 12pm tomorrow.