People taking advantage

[Chatterbox98]

Just wanted some opinions on what others would do. I feel that some family members are taking advantage of me. It always ends with myself driving if we go out for a meal so they can have a drink and ends up with us paying for said meals. When they stop with us will bring their own drink not offer to share it then they run out move on to what ever we have. When we go to them we are expected to take our own drink.

it’s a hard situation and family are important to me so I don’t want to cause unnecessary drama or upset but it’s starting to be frustrating as it goes on and seems so one way.

I'd find a backbone and start saying no.

Say no? I know it's awkward but you really can say no in a nice way.

Why are you paying for their meals?? I can understand how the driving became a habit if you were driving anyway, but what's the excuse for them not paying for their food?

Either turn the tables ("since I drove last time, are you going to drive this time so I can have a drink?" "I paid last time, it's your turn!") or just say no ("I can't drive you this time." "We're just paying for ourselves today") etc.

Yep agree with PP, be assertive, 'we paid last time/we drove last time/we hosted last time so it's your turn'. People walk all over you because you are allowing them to.

I know I am weak I just don’t like confrontation 🥺

Other than saying just say no what, answer do you think we can give?

Agree with PPs. Also nobody has ever "offered to share" their drinks in my house. They bring the booze, it's opened and I help myself. We did have one guest who turned up with a bottle and then took leftovers home. We had a good laugh about it after he left.

Saying no is not a confrontation. Confrontation is having an argument or acting hostile. We are not offering you to do that and I don't think I would expect most people to act that way when they hear "let's split the bill".

To be honest I was hoping for just these kind of answers so I knew I wasn’t getting frustrated over nothing.

I voted YABU because you need to learn to say no!!

I don't care whether they are family or not, they expect you to drive so that they can have a drink but then expect you to pay for that drink? And when staying with you, I would make sure that I had no drink in the house so that they couldn't move on to mine once they had finished their own. Cheeky fuckers.

Next time they come round, don't offer any alcohol. Just offer water or squash. Maybe they will get the message. If you go to theirs, stop taking a bottle. When you go out for a meal, go up to the bar and ask to pay for what you ate. Or when they come with the bill just ask how they want to split the bill. Do they want to pay for theirs or split it 50/50? Avoids confrontation. If they make any comments about how you would usually pay, come back with oh yes it's your turn haha. Or even just start making excuses to not go out for meals.

To be honest, if they're cheeky enough to expect you to drive AND pay, I'd be cheeky enough to say no the next time and also, we'll pay for ours, you can pay for yours.

They are awful and you’re being a mug. Stop this behaviour now and not more paying or offering booze. Get tough!

People will treat you how you let them. It’s all very well ‘not liking confrontation’, but after a certain point, it’s on you.

You can start saying ‘no’ and calling people out you can suck it up. There’s no magical third option.

it’s a hard situation and family are important to me so I don’t want to cause unnecessary drama or upset

Which is exactly what they’re playing on. They continue to take the piss because they know you’ll put up with it.

I know I am weak I just don’t like confrontation 🥺

Which means nothing will change. You can’t wait for them to see the light. You need to shine it right in their eyes!

Stop being a mug

No is a full answer op

Part of being an adult means that we occasionally have to have difficult conversations.

I mean, you can't just go through life having everything the way you want it WITHOUT confrontation. It doesn't work like that.

Next time you go for dinner take cash. Just enough for your meals and tip.

I never understand why this is such a common defence. Very very few people like confrontation. But learning to say no is a life skill (and isn't particularly confrontational anyway)

It doesn't seem one way, it IS one way if it's exactly as you describe.

Just.. stop. And only do what you are prepared to do.
Pick a place where you pay when you order, and only order for you.

Hide all alcohol and offer only squash and tea.

And just say no thanks for everything else

Well then nothing will change will it?

Carry on being the designated driver, paying for their meals and letting them drink your alcohol.

You start drinking before you leave and then you're already over the limit and cannot drive.

It isn't easy though @Chatterbox98 . Your family is using you and you put up with it because its become a habit. Make a list of all the good suggestions that have been suggested and pick one to try next time. Habits can be broken, give it a try

I agree with everyone else.
I did vote YABU, because I think YABU in the way you are behaving currently.
Obviously YWNBU to change that.

There's nothing confrontational about saying
"I drove last time, so your turn this time - what time you picking me up?"
or
"We paid last time so I presume this is on you ?"
Then, after that, "Shall we just split the bill or do you want everyone to work out what they had ?"

You don't want to cause trouble obviously but you need to stop being a doormat and stand your ground.

But are you going to say anything or stop paying every time?