Why am I so sad mil passed away

[Allmytroublesseemedsofaraway]

My mil sadly passed away a few weeks ago, it was unexpected. We weren’t particularly close really as she could be sort of toxic in the family in recent years, but we go back a long way as Dh and I met at 17.
I feel heartbroken for Dh and that’s obviously causing a lot of my upset, for him, but also I’m crying everyday and feel the urge to go back to where we both grew up..there’s no point really as my family don’t live there anymore and his parents are now both gone and the house will be sold.
I just can’t stop crying and don’t know if it’s because it’s hit me harder than I realised and maybe I cared about her more than I believed or something else?
I keep having dreams about me and Dh when we were younger and feeling I have to go back, I also just feel dread for the future and feel there’s nothing left to look forward to now we’re mid 40’s
Sorry I sound so depressing

Death always reminds one of mortality, that things change, it affects equilibrium. A bit of your younger life has disappeared. It’s natural to want to go back to your roots and tie them more firmly into your life.

secondly, I think grief is not simply related to love, it’s also related to how big a part of your life someone was. A mother you saw half a dozen times a year may not cause the same grief as a less-loved cousin you saw every week.

This will pass. The second half of life can be wonderful. But you have to seize opportunities, to do new things and to make new friends. But that’s work for the future. At the moment concentrate on being nice to yourself and looking after your DH, just as you would if you both had flu.

It's the end of an era by the sounds of it and the passing of time. You may not have been close but she was still a big part of your life...your reaction sounds totally normal to me.

I think it’s a reminder of (your own) death, of the circle of life, the passing of time and the changing of the guard so to speak - you are now the oldest generation. There’s something quite shocking about that, the realisation that you are next in line.

@Comedycook I think that’s a large part of it, I’m very sentimental, which I hate, I suppose we just think things will always stay the same, they don’t of course.

@MereDintofPandiculation Yes that’s it

@GetOutPlan It all goes so fast the older you get