To want to be in love at my age?

[6079SmithW]

I’m 49. I’ve been in my current relationship for four years. It was good at the beginning and I thought I was in love with my DP. I certainly thought that the relationship was for the long term.
As time has gone on there have been various issues, mostly about the way he deals with his son (but that’s a whole different thread). I feel that these have chipped away at my feelings and now, whilst I still love him as a person, I am certain I am not in love with him.
My DP obviously loves me and is kind, thoughtful, gets on well with my DC and is helpful and supportive. My family and friends think that at my age I should consider these attributes more important than notions of love and stay with my DP but I am not convinced. Am I too old to want that feeling of being in love with someone? Should I just be happy with someone who loves me?

Suppose it's your definition of love. I'm in longterm relationship and love for me is showing he cares for me, the small things, the consideration to show he is thinking of me and makes my life happier and easier. I look at hom and I smile. Wildly different from our infatuation days of young love but somehow deeper and more solid.

Of course you can have a caring, considerate man who you fancy the pants of, who you feel deep emotional love with, who also can't wait to show his love, not only by being mr nice guy, but from whom you can't help but know he loves you in the way that makes you happiest.
I had to wait 47/48 years to meet my guy.
If I ever thought before that I was "happy", this guy for the last twenty plus years has been so good for me, and he tells me I'm his everything, and you know what? I can't help but believe him.
So yes op, at your age or any age, it can happen.. if you don't wish to "settle" for a guy who makes your family approve of, then carry on.
If you want set the bar higher, then go for it.
I was on my own when I met my guy, as my thoughts were that I'd sooner be lonely on my own, than lonely/dissatisfied in a relationship.
Best of luck, and learn to love and respect yourself enough to feel you actually deserve everything you want.

Love is a decision not a feeling. I read this in a book but it's often quoted and attributed to various people.

It is true. The feeling of being in love is a lot more to do with ourselves than our partners. Sure they can do things that put us off, but then it's a decision to try and overcome it or not. Sometimes not is the right one but in your post there's no indication that there's anything 'wrong'. It's just your own yearning for that rush and excitement.

I think it's about you and what's within you, rather than your partner. You could be lucky and find it again with someone else and most likely it would fade again as mundanity kicks in.

That's why it's a decision. It's a committment. Lean in. Spend time with him doing something new or fun. Perhaps talk and really listen. When a relationship is new, it's all discovery and a rush. It takes something different to keep it going and still being in love.

.... but if you are truly unhappy, then you can choose to end things of course. Good luck.

It obvious matters to you (understandably so). Don’t settle as it won’t improve. Better to be alone for a while then put more years into ‘it could be worse.’

I dunno. It sounds like eventually you are going to run out of being fussed.