I wish I wasn't a worrier

[Thunderandlightningisfrightening]

It's awful. I worry about everything. It's like a protective shield. If I worry it won't happen! It's like a punishment by being unhappy

I think it's quite common. The only thing that works for me is that I force myself once a week to have a "I'm not gonna worry about a thing today, I'll save it for tomorrow ". That way, I do at least get one day off a week 🤪 it's hard to do though!

Life is too short to worry. It achieves nothing except harm to the individual worrier.

It exhausts me. Im living half a life

Yes I am a worrier. I worry about things that have not even happened yet and may not even happen. I try to tell myself that if I am worrying before it's happened and then worry when it does happen, I am worrying twice and once is enough. It is so hard though.

Have you looked at counselling?

If you Google iapt and your area there will be free NHS counselling you can access yourself. It often has a local name too that sounds Wellbeing focjssed - ours kept changing it's name.

They really could help. Even if yo learn a few techniques and way to challenge the worries.

Or longer term to look at some of the reasons.

Watching my Mum and Dad worry about all sorts of things which never happened, made me determined not to be the same. They sort of fed of each other's worries.

The stuff we did not do when I was a child, just in case something went wrong, is something I will always remember.

My mum is very anxious and controlling. I feel like I never really got to make my own decisions re work and relationship etc until I was in my 30s. This led to some absolute disasters. I have had counseling and cbt it didn't work

I would also recommend counselling. What I have learned I do is constantly "horizon scan" for threats. It's a coping mechanism from when my parents were unable to parent for various reasons. I had to be the grown up as a child. Understanding this has helped me stop blaming myself for a character trait that was once necessary to survive. I'd also like to stop tho!

I never know whether I'm making the right decision with anything. I have a lot of regrets. I wish I was 10 years younger.

Well, try again with a different counsellor and really work.

I am a huge worrier and also feel if I don't worry then things will go wrong because I'm not worrying about them.

It's stupid but there you have it. Going on holiday this month and I have spent 4 months worrying about strikes at the port. I have no knowledge of any strikes planned or hinted at. But me worrying about them anyway will surely stop it happening, at least in my weird head.

Being a worrier and loving with anxiety OSS very difficult

Have you tried CBT therapy?

I’ve started CBT for the first time by s specialist CBT therapist (not your usual generalist who says they do a bit of CBT) and it’s been quite astounding how effective it’s being for my anxiety

I read recently that 95% of what you worry about never happens, blew my mind!

I try and remember that every time, and it’s a lot, I start to worry

See now I'm immediately worrying about the 5%

I understand completely OP.

It's like, if you worry about something, you preempt it happening! But life isn't like that, and I'm sure you know that, it's just your mind does other things and sends other messages that, over time, become embedded as "truth".

I like @CrimmTrent 95% of stuff one worries about doesnt happen. Its useful to remind oneself of this, as in, say it out loud to yourself.

Also; "All things are possible, not all things are probable".

I find the box method helpful.

You have your worry/worries. They are in a box with the lid shut and locked.
Once ( or maybe twice) a day, you unlock and open the box for 10 minutes ( set a timer).
You then address the worries, or "indulge" them, so to speak). After 10 minutes, the lid on the box of worries is shut and locked until the next assigned time you choose to open it again.

I find that helpful because:

1. You're not dismissing your worries.

2. It gives you a chance to scrutinise them, address them, acknowledge them, not shut them down

3. It can help to compartmentalise, so that you can accept them but not let them become intrusive.

A certain amount of anxiety is normal.
It's when it rules your life, that it becomes disabling.

Good luck OP, it's a nasty, upsetting emotion and I feel your pain. Xx

I get this it’s exhausting and constant not helped by the state of the world and our country at the moment

Another one here who has a life plagued with worries. I feel it's like being constantly in the 'brace' position - tensing up and anticipating a fall in the hope that if something bad happens it will hurt less because I am already in the fight or flight mode.

I am a rational person. I KNOW that everything I worry about statistically cannot happen, but still I worry. And I agree, it's exhausting. I am trying to work my way out of it - feel the fear and do it anyway. I am determined not to limit my life so I book the holidays, go out and meet new people, spend money instead of saving it all. Life is too short. Having some very serious health issues in my family made me stop and think that all of my worrying is making me live half a life - and what a waste of a life that is.

I am also on medication for my anxiety, and I think that has really helped. I didn't want to go down that route, but I have accepted that like and other medical illness it is not my fault and nothing to be ashamed of. I tried counselling and CDT twice but they didn't really work for me.

Me too! Would've been better if 0.1%, but even then.....🤣

That would have been what my Mum would have said or she would be worried about something she had not thought of worrying about!

It steals so much of your life though. If you could take that worry away or reduce it to a manageable amount you'd have so much more space for living.

Or if living becomes the focus and the worry becomes smaller.

I think it's like your brain going down well worn tracks with worry though. It doesn't just go away you need to actively step in.