Stories of overcoming hard times alone?

[Willitgetbetterintime]

Can I hear some stories of making it through hard times alone and finding community?

I could use some inspiration and reassurance. Life has been really hard, and I don’t really have much support. I’m 31 and just feel alone as I don’t have family, many friends, and a close relationship has ended somewhat abruptly.

I’m isolated where I live and the demographics here don’t lend themselves to much social interaction.

I’m just over everything, am alone through it all, and just want to change my number and start my life again or have a fresh start.

Has anyone else been through something similar and come out the other side happier, with a sense of community and relationships? I would love to hear your stories.

My twenties were very bleak. I was with a cruel and manipulative boyfriend who dumped me and literally abandoned me abroad thousands of miles from home. When I got back, his new woman was about to move into our shared home and I had to move out and sofa surf with friends. I got into debt, had bailiffs at the door. Family could have helped but didn't. No emotional or financial support and I quite seriously felt like ending it all.

Then a neighbour gave me some advice ion debt management which I took, and it helped me get out of debt. I worked so hard at two jobs - one by day, on by night and at weekends, that I saved some money, changed career, then got a flat of my own and met DH who was kind, clever, gentle - the opposite of the vile man I was with before. I've never been in debt again, love my new career far more than my previous one, and DH and I eventually had two DC when I was 39-40.

I truly believe life can turn around at any time, and although it is lovely to have a helping hand, I think pulling yourself out of a bad state, unaided, gives you such pride and reserves of resilience. I look back on that time and another very tough lonely time in my life and am prouder of how I coped with them than any more obvious successes.

I bet you can do it, OP.

I moved to a different country at 21, completely isolated from my support network. Single for a very long time with some casual relationship peppered in, some job satisfaction but not a huge amount of things to look forward to.
At 32 I left my job and went to uni. Then, at 36 graduated from masters degree and had a complete change of career.
I have a small number of close friends. Mostly people I met through work. I have an amazing partner, a job I love plus a small business, diverse hobbies and interests. Life is pretty damn good.
As Alan Watts said "everything is in flux". Both bad and good times will pass. The key is not to despair when things are bad and prepare for the bad times when things are good.

Thank you both so much for sharing your stories. They are incredibly inspiring and give me hope that things can turn around. I really appreciate your advice and perspectives on how resilience and perseverance can lead to positive changes, even when things seem bleak.

It’s comforting to hear how both of you transformed difficult situations into something better and found happiness and success. You’ve reminded me that while the journey might be tough, it’s possible to find a way through and come out stronger.

Thank you again for the encouragement and for showing that things can get better.

In my 20s id left a bad homelife and I had a shit controlling boyfriend who dumped me after cheating on me (but not before poisoning my friends against me and painting himself the victim).

Now I have a job that pays twice what he earns, I'm no longer supplementing my ex and his drink and drug lifestyle and I'm happily married to an amazing man. we have a lovely house and 2 kids and and several new sets of brilliant friends and hobbies.

Knowing what I know now, I don't hesitate to say LTB about shit men. I learnt I could stand on my own two feet and build a life and I will not be ground down again. Its hard but experience is learned and earned and I know noone can make changes unless they are ready. But it is always a leat of faith, one step at a time.

The joy I feel knowing that I am setting a great example to my daughter means everything to me after how I grew up and the near miss of repeating the cycle.

Things can certainly get better.

Are you able to write a list of everything that you’d like to change in your life and then from there write the steps to change those things.

Where are you based if you say that making friends is hard due to demographics? Are you in a position to move and re-start?

Loads of people reinvent themselves or their lives.

The lovely thing is, you are free to do this. No partner, no children, still so young. You can be and do anything.

I'd get a notebook and make a list of all the things I want to do and be - focus first on ones that are not dependent on others or money you don't have right now.

The main thing is to realise there is never just one route to your goals. If you have no money and want to live in a mansion, look up housesitting. A friend of mine was housekeeper for a castle in Scotland. If you want to travel, look into becoming a tour manager or TEFL teacher or working abroad using existing skills that are in short supply in other countries.

If you want to get a degree in a new subject you can start with free online courses to give you a grounding in the basics and then do some OU courses and transfer any credits you gain to the uni you end uo at once you have funds.

If you want to earn a lot of money quickly, do two jobs - a day time 9-5 and a few shifts in a bar or restaurant from 6-12. It's tiring but you only do it for 6 months and save every penny from job 2, so you can go travelling or rent a nicer place or buy a car.

No one is stuck. People the world over take immense risks to their physical safety, travel thousands of miles on foot, carrying their worldly possessions, their children in their arms, in hope of better lives. They are so brave. We don't need to fret about changing cities or workplaces or trying something new.

I broke up from a dead-end relationship in my early 30s. Have a new career, above average earnings, equity, good amount of pension for my age saved, and next year I am going to move house to live in sociable community I love where I have friends- lots of activities going on all the time etc. Truly loneliness is really insidious and I wish I could have afforded to move sooner.

Thank you for this insightful advice. I was about to comment asking whether it was too late to build relationships and community at 31+. Your suggestions about reinventing oneself and exploring new opportunities are really encouraging. It’s reassuring to hear that there are so many ways to achieve goals, even when resources are limited. I’ll definitely take your advice to heart and start making a list of things I want to pursue. Thanks again for the motivation and practical ideas!