To feel daunted going on holiday alone as a single parent

[Agn]

Previously have had holidays with my two children, who are on the autistic spectrum, and taken relative to help. Now relative is unable to come, I am having negative feelings at the prospect of managing everything myself 24/7 and having no adult company either. It would be the drive, the moving in, constantly being in charge, watching them in the water and just everything. I thought perhaps I could build a schedule around activities but the cost is just a bit ouch. The children are really looking forward to it and have been for a long time.

I hear you. This is why I, as a single parent, no longer take holidays with my two. People eulogise holidays and I just think, yeah, if you had to pay for two other people's entire trip, with no guarantee they'd enjoy it or be grateful, you might be a little less keen. I wish you luck on your trip, and hope you glean some enjoyment out of it.

Maybe another time you could do a stay-cation rather than go away? They can be fun too and take much less organisation.

I've been holidaying with just my DD since she was three years old (she's now early 20s!) - it is a bit different, I only have her and she has no formal diagnosis of anything (though I think she'd get one for ADHD if we had tried). It can be lonely at times, but it's also a great way of building a bond. I found lowering my expectations the best way to do it! I would've loved holidays that were full of visits and activities, but she is happiest just hanging out round the pool, and as she's got older mooching around the shops, so this is what we go with. But, in future years maybe shorter trips or just staying at home and days out might work better for you, we had years when we didn't go anywhere.. Good luck!

I thought a staycation was not leaving the uk? In which case it is a staycation! I am having chickens yes, but I don’t want to be a misery guts.

I have got to make the best of this and sometimes undergoing challenging situations makes you develop new skills and perspectives.

It is Center parcs and maybe there are things I can do to make it easier.

A staycation is where you stay home and just do day trips away from home - with no need for separate accommodation bookings. We did it one year and it worked out well, saved a lot of money too.

Ah ok the dictionary has two definitions - thank you

It’ll be hard work but it’ll also be something your kids will remember for ever so it’s well worth doing. You might need to try and find some you time when you’re back home, to recharge. Plan carefully, have a billion bribes up your sleeve, try and talk to other adults while there. Even a few minutes chat can help you feel connected. And if you need to scream, you’ve got us…

Just wanted to express solidarity as I live a similar situation to you, 2DC, one severely impacted by autism. I've never taken the plunge and booked a holiday as I'm too scared to do so! Hopefully I will try this next year, though I will have help as my DC have a Nanny.

Well done you for getting this far with it. If the children are looking forward to it, I would use that as motivation for keeping positive about it. If you're in a hotel, I would plan a couple of nice room service treats just for you when they have gone to sleep.

Hope all goes well 😊😊😊

I think it depends on what your kids need to enjoy the vacation. My ASD daughter needs lots and lots of downtime. This means we do an activity in the morning (eg beach or swimming) and then we sit in the caravan all afternoon whilst she paints and draws and I read. Food is an issue so 2 out of 3 meals are always self catering, some days 3 out of 3 so she eats. We have a radar key so she can use the disabled loos when out (hand dryer noise is a NO). We have a system we’ve developed where she can try and let me know if she’s getting overwhelmed. I have to be willing to ditch any activity (no matter what the tickets cost us) if she says it’s time to go.
All of these things result in us having a lovely relaxing time together.

Could you put a plan in place up front to address your kids needs?

You’ve got this! It’s just the same as what you do everyday but in a new location.
the drive is longer - think of some games - what animal am I? I spy?
the unpacking - think of it as the same as unpacking your weekly shop! Only more stuff!! - get the children to help with it, lots of praise and bribery if needed.

ive done a holiday as a single parent and yes, it was hard work, but it was also a happy time and it made me feel like super mum when we got home!! Like I’d achieved a huge thing!!

Try not to overthink all the what ifs and just take each day as it comes. Take wine for the evening when they’re in bed and you can relax and congratulate yourself on a good day!

For me I need to have a plan of what to do each day. Once my timetable is in place I quite happily ignore it but I need to not be waking up with a whole day stretching ahead and nothing planned.
Also I go on single parent holidays like Campmates or High Adventure holidays. There are also fb groups for single parent families.
But yanbu to be apprehensive - everything's harder when it's just you

How old are they and where are you going? Maybe posters can help with ideas for things to (possibly) do. Even with a schedule though things aren't likely to work the way you expect and that's OK! Lower your expectations and if it's awful you can always come home early

You may as well try it.

go, and if it’s awful come home.

Very good points. Developing a schedule like this sounds really good, thank you. Maybe I will get myself some nice books too.

Thank you. This sounds great

I hear you. One of my major stumbling blocks as a single parent is holidays for all the reasons you say. I can't stand it when other single parents (or anyone else) says just go for it, what is there to worry about?!

That said, I would say still go for it and try to make the most of it. Centre Parcs is pretty perfect as everything is on site and contained. Have low expectations about what your kids might want to do. Are you in a lodge or hotel?

Great idea. I think this would make me feel happier about things if there were plans. It’s Center Parcs and I suppose I could bite the bullet and put some activities on my credit card.

You can do it OP!

It's center parcs, so they won't get run over. If they're early risers do the morning nature walk with a guide, if not just do it yourself later. If they struggle with crowds get pizza in your villa don't do the restaurants at busy times. Feed ducks and squirrels on the patio,low demand stuff. Or if they're full of energy, the pool and the parks are good.

The only thing I'd plan for is the last day, as you'll all have to walk back to the car to fetch it to the villa to pack, and there will be traffic jams round the site as everyone has to do the same thing at the same time.

OP how old are they? If they are still quite young, then you can get those little buggies you attach to the back of the bike and c ycle around the woods in Centerparcs.

You could probably take them both to the adventure playgrounds/playparks and keep an eye on them. It is harder when they are autistic.

If you want to do water play, do they both have buoyancy jackets and armbands? Line up so you take the younger one on your lap on the slide and the older one is behind you, then wait at the foot of the slide to check they get down okay. (Can you tell I've done this before? Only one is autistic but when young the other one was a monkey - he could (and did0 shin to the top of a helterskelter climbing up the outside of the slide, in the time it took me to fasten his brother's velcro shoes.)

On walks give them something to find that is not too hard and when they have found it something else - a white pebble, a yellow flower, a funny shaped twig etc (if that works with them) to keep them focused and circling back to you with their finds.

With food, I would keep things incredibly simple and build in a few treats. Buy only ready meals or the kind of food they love but don't get every day that you don't have to cook (tinned spaghetti, fish fingers and oven chips.)

Every night put on a film they love. Even if they have seen it 1000 times before, so you can chill a bit too. I used to tuck them both up in my bed on holiday and read to them last thing at night - a story we all liked (Anthony Horowitz is good but depends how old they are)

Yes they will struggle with crowds! I may try and save cash by having some food at home! Might even buy some of those “take away” boxes the supermarkets sell.

Good point about the car collection. That might be tricky.

We have a blue badge which might make things easier.

I get a supermarket delivery timed a couple of hours after arrival. Saves a lot of hassle and will save a lot of money. Especially with drinks. If you can afford couple of activities, great. Don't overspend though. Being organised will help you stay in control. I think that you will have a great time.

I'm a single parent with two autistic kids, and holidays are really challenging. If their needs are quite compatible it makes it a lot easier. It very much depends on how much supervision and support they need, and whether anyone is actually going to have a nice time.

Can you keep them both safe in an unfamiliar/stressful environment? Can you manage them both in the swimming pool?

We used to go to Butlins and have the meal plan, so I didn't have to worry about cooking. Because it's familiar, they both knew what we would do, and it's a very safe environment for children. Lots of downtime as well.

I hope you are able to make it work.

Definitely eat dinner at home then - you could do pancakes at lunchtime or something if they like the eating out experience, when it's less busy? Or if it's Elveden I used to get the kids lunch boxes for the shop and eat on the beach watching the zip wire.

I'm not sure but I think unless you have booked an accessible villa you'll still have to park on the main car park, other villas don't have parking and you're not allowed to drive onto the site except at check on and check out. But I may be wrong as don't have a blue badge.

I used to take mine when under 6 so we'd get up and walk in the forest, play on the park or swim, lunch at the villa or picnic at the beach, then colouring/playdoh/stories at home,then park or swim, another walk in the forest looking for deer and rabbits, pizza at home and watch birds and squirrels on the patio, bed.

The traffic queue on the last day are a pita and were always my least favourite thing about center parcs but if they like helping that'll work, or give them a spotting list - person packing a pink suitcase, how many bikes on a car roof rack, two green cars in a row etc etc.