to think he is starting to infantialise me?

[Yellow2620]

I am sorry if this offends anybody and I don't mean it to. I am in a age gap relationship. I am 25, he is 45. I'm starting to think he is infantilising me. He speaks to me like I am much younger, says awww in a baby kind of voice to me and ruffles my hair, calls me 'missy'. among other things. I am feeling undermined and I don't know how to tell him that I don't like it.

That would give me the ick. Tell him it does.

Outright tell him. My DH is 17 years older than me and if he pulled that crap he'd be getting told sharpish

Ew.

Also in an age gap relationship, I'm the older one. Wouldn't dream of doing any of that to my DP.

You don't know how to tell him you don't like it? The dynamics here are already skewed. You ARE a child to him. At 45 the life experience gap between you and a 25 yr old is vast. Unless that gap is shortened by Mutual understanding and maturity then imo it cannot be broached

That's not to say age gap relationship cannot work- I am in one- but the maturity has to meet. And if you can't challenge him, or indeed if you feel infantilised then imo the gap is too much (mentally perhaps more than chronologically)

He's infantalising you because he sees you as immature. The only way to stop this is to be assertive and tell him you don't like being spoken to in that way. He will (hopefully) respect you more if you do this, and change his behaviour. If not perhaps it's time to move on.

Sounds like he likes infantilising you which is major ick. Maybe that's why he enjoys your age gap relationship. Be assertive, let him know he is dating an adult and you don't like being condescended to. If he doesn't respect this then question why he likes infantilising his partner and run as fast as you can!

I am 16 years older than my partner. It would never occur to me to treat him as other than the adult he is. He would def not be impressed if I patted his head or called him "buddy".

You’re obviously uncomfortable in this relationship if you feel you’re being infantilised and can’t even tell him you hate it.

I dated a man 20 years older than me when I was around your age and if he’d talked to me like that or fetishised my age in any way I’d have ended the relationship.

This is rank. It’d make me think he’s only with a 25 year old because it’s illegal to be with a 10 year old. Ewww.

The behaviour is gross irrespective of the age gap. How can you tolerate it?

Does he see you as his girlfriend or his daughter?

Regardless, massive ick.

Maybe start sucking your thumb and saying "thanks/yes daddy" next time he does it.

Or withhold sex. Then when he asks, say "but you treat me like your daughter, not your girlfriend".

Ew. I would feel like I was fucking my father.

Communicate with him and tell him it’s a deal breaker. That it’s creepy, inappropriate and if he continues then you can’t imagine a future together.

If you aren’t prepared to do that, you’re infantilising yourself.

Creepy shizzle.

I have been in an age gap relationship. My partner treated me with respect and valued me. Do you see yourself as less in any way than him? Does he have some sort of fetish? Irrespective of ahe, you should feel comfortable telling him how you feel, which includes saying that you don't like to be spoken that way.