To not want to leave my 2 year old for 4/5 days?

[regularmumnotacoolmum]

For context, our 2 year old has only stayed away from us twice and both times were due to medical emergencies. My husband wants to let our child stay with my mum for 2 nights and then his sister for the 2 nights after that. Our older child is used to staying away from home and will be staying with the toddler. I am apprehensive about this and think we should only do a maximum of 2 nights away. AIBU? What should I do? Said break is taking place this week but we haven't got anything booked as yet so can change plans as necessary. The break has to happen this week so cannot be rescheduled for another time.

It’s completely up to you. If you trust the family completely, then go and have a nice time. If you feel uneasy, go for less than 4 nights. Maybe 3 nights?

ultimately if you don’t feel ok going you will have a rubbish time.

I wouldn't want to go away for that long myself. What's the break for? Me and dh have the odd day off together but I dont want that much much time away from my 4 year old at the moment.

I'd be off like a shot 🤣
I left my 18m old for a long weekend and got a bit teary but I think having an older sibling with them makes a big difference and would have no problem with it now.

There a lot of factors. Can you come home if they are upset ? How well do they know the family members? Will the family members do activities they enjoy to keep them happy and distracted? What's the Personality of your child?

Also possibly most importantly will your oldest definitely be happy as often younger children use their siblings as a sign of whether something is ok or not.

My youngest would have been fine with this arrangement. Dc2 not at all ok with it.

Do it. Simples

@Superstar22 I do trust both but worry that our little one might struggle and miss us a lot as he's not used to us not being around. I also have a nephew a little older than my child who has serious separation anxiety and displays extreme behaviours to seek attention as his parents leave him very frequently which I suppose worries me too. I know that kids can be left without any detriment too as like I said, my eldest is used to it and has been from a young age.

@tuttuttutt It is to celebrate a significant milestone occasion but also to try and reconnect as things haven't been the best lately. I enjoy being around my kids but also see the need for some time as husband and wife which we've not had at all for almost 3 years.

My 2 ye old loved staying with GP. we left our DC from a very early age. Everyone needs a break and you need time together. Your DH obviously wants a few days with you

You make it sound all so normal. For a lot of people it just isn't!

If they child isn't used to it I personally wouldn't could be very upsetting and stressful for them and then not only to stay with one person but to change and stay with someone else for a further 2 . Completely up to you. It personally there's no way I would

It would be too long for me, especially with the caregiver swap meaning less consistency. I’d keep it to 2 nights at that age.

I think it's a bad idea for 4 nights if your little one isn't used to staying with relatives. How far away will you be? I think 2 nights would be a good compromise. And work on getting him used to spending the odd night with granny and grandpa or auntie if they're willing!

Yeah, I’m with you. What sort of person goes from no break at all for 3 years to 4 nights away without any sort of gradual building up and trying it out? A daft person, that’s who.

If it was just my eldest, I genuinely wouldn't think twice about it and would probably be off like a shot too but with my younger one I just don't feel the same and have a mixture of worry, sadness and fear (of nothing majorly specific just the unknown) x

I don't know the answer to your first question as we've not booked anything yet. We blocked out the dates but have avoided committing to booking anything in. In terms of coming home, we could subject to flights if abroad and time/distance if remaining in the u.k. I wouldn't hesitate about coming back from wherever we are if needed.
The child I'm worried about is very sociable. They know both prospective caregivers well but typically all their interactions tend to be in our presence unless I've nipped to the loo/garden/shower etc. I know my mum is planning to take my children to the farm and/or an amusement park which they will likely enjoy. My sil has a child of her own whom my child enjoys spending time with too but again this has previously been in relatively small blocks of a few hours at a time.

I think the general feeling is that 4-5 days is too long at this stage which is what my gut feeling was. I will suggest doing 2 nights instead and remaining in the u.k as it means if either of us feels uneasy, it is easier to return than if abroad. Thank you for being my soundboard!

I think you're struggling because you feel pressure from DH and conflicted because you know that of you feel anxious about leaving your child then it's likely tour child will feel anxiety about being apart.

Basically you feel like you're choosing between them because if DH said he will do whatever males you comfortable then you wouldn't be doing the full 4 nights.

So the problem lies there.

Go!

I think 2 nights is fine

But 6 nights with 3
Different sets of people may be confusing if never stayed away before

All Being family one would hope kids get a lot of love and care

DH did say we will do whatever I say but he doesn't see an issue with the length of stay and sees it as a 'take the opportunity whilst you can' situation whereas i look at it differently and whilst I'm thankful for the prospect of a break and time to try and reconnect, my priority remains wondering whether the children will be ok. X

You clearly aren't going to be able to relax and enjoy yourself if you go away for that length of time. That will cause stress between you and your husband.
I appreciate that you need to reconnect with your husband, that's very important.
Could you suggest a 2 day break? Perhaps closer to home. Take care

Difficult as the replies show all of us are different! I know many mums who would gladly take a break and I would always think good for them. The important thing in this is that those mums were relaxed and happy to do that. I personally never was. I hated being away from my DCs when they were very young even up to ages 5/6, it just didn't feel right for me and I knew I'd have a rubbish time. For me relaxing wasn't being away from my kids. But that was just me. I would follow your gut and do what feels right. Think you know the answer to this already though :)

I think it depends on the child. I wouldn’t leave my 3 year old for that long because I know he would be distraught, but I could have left his older sister at that age as she would have been fine. You know your child best if you think 4 days is too long but could manage 2 then I would just do the 2 nights.

My child is almost 3 years old and I haven’t left them with anyone yet and I definitely wouldn’t do overnight. We are still co-sleeping and breastfeeding though so it wouldn’t work and wouldn’t be fair on anyone. It’s not just that though. Children are only little for such a short time and I don’t want to miss out on any of that time if I don’t have to and if you don’t feel comfortable leaving your child then you shouldn’t.

I don’t think 4 nights is too much, but I do think it’s a lot to ask them to cope with switching to a different place after a few days. Can either your mum or sil have them for 3 or 4 nights to minimise the disruption for them? If not, I’d do just 2 nights.

i left mine with my parents when they were 4 and 2 for a 5 night holiday with DH and it’s honestly the best thing we ever did, it was so good for us. But they were very familiar with staying there for a night or 2 already.