To think he over reacted?

[AnimalFarm1983]

So, DH and I took our tent to the local park to check its condition as we packed it away last time slightly damp. Once we had looked at it there was some mould to the inside but it didn't look too bad to me and I felt we could try and clean it up. DH immediately declared it was 'ruined' and 'really bad'. Now, he has a history of being negative and over reacting to things but he doesn't think he does. I continued to say why don't we try and clean it and see what happens. He was adamant it was beyond help and was being quite forceful saying slowly, it.is ruined, we cannot do anything! Talking to me like I was an absolute idiot or making a completely ridiculous suggestion.
I then got angry and said fine, just throw it away then what's the point of even trying! He then acted like I'd overacted and I accused him of being negative about everything (this is an argument we have had before but he doesn't really accept that he is).
Now, I'm due on my period so finding it hard to judge this situation. Did he overact? Or did I? I might add that I googled cleaning a mouldy tent and is entirely possible to salvage it.

Does he often speak to you so that you'll react negatively and he'll be able to feel hard done by?

Are you ever able to have a reasonable discussion where you can end up agreeing?

Sounds like you both overreacted, to be honest.

He sounds annoying. He said it was ruined but then accused you of overreacting when you said let's throw it away? So what did he mean by ruined??

Constant negative attitude wears you down in the end
None of us were there to see how you responded to him but I agree with @MillyCentTap - you need to discuss calmly that the ‘woe is me, everything is ruined’ is not helpful/ positive etc

Some people just don’t respond well to ‘challenges’ even if that is just a mouldy tent. But he needs to reflect on his lack of positive thinking

I am sure the tent will be fine once dealt with

He’s ridiculous, the tent will clean up just fine.

He said it’s ruined and spoke to you like you were some kind of idiot, you said ok let’s throw it away then, and then he accuses you of over reacting?

What a prick.

Sounds like it wasn’t about the tent at all. You were both kicking off because of wider issues in your relationship.

I think it was "what's the point of even trying" comment which prompted him accusing the OP. To be fair, I don't see phrases like that making a positive contribution towards effective communication.

I agree but i was so frustrated by then after several calm attempts at trying to convince him that we could clean it up that i lost my patience

But if he’s so adamant it’s ruined then the OP is right, what’s the point in even trying to save it.

He was just being a moody obstructive prick.

I don’t see a single positive contribution to effective communication from the DH.

I have a DH who often thinks things are far worse than they actually are. He goes into "woe is me" mode quite quicky.

I had a few years of not dealing with it very well and making it worse. Now I have discovered that if I AGREE with him and say "yes, we will probably have to buy a new tent, so you research that and see what's best, but I will have a go at cleaning it anyway, we have got nothing to lose" it diffuses the situation for us.

I don't think my husband is ND at all, but since having to parent an ND child, I find some tactics work very well on a DH in full blown irrational man mode.

Ok this is very helpful. I will try and remember this but it's hard when you are fed up of his woe is me attitude as you put it which is exactly how it is. We cannot afford a new tent so I suppose i should have called his bluff and agreed with him but just couldn't think fast enough at the time.
I ended up walking off wirh the dog so now we are upset with each other and haven't really resolved this 6 or so hours later. I hate this feeling and want to put it right but I don't know how to, I struggle with telling him how I feel I don't know why. He will NEVER be the one to make the first move so it has to be me and I don't know how.

All of this drama about a tent. Of course, we all know it's not just the tent. It's him. Life is too short to waste it on someone so insufferable.

And I am not defending him but two wrongs don’t make it right.

I make him a cup of tea and just carry on as normal as if he had never been a tit.

It is annoying. But rise above it. Don't give it airplay 😁

Totally get it, my ex was the same. I used to just say the first portion of the sentence out loud and then say the rest in my head. That way I could still call him a prick without escalating the situation.

He's the silly fucker that 'ruined' it. So just tell him to replace it. And put the headphones on, get the ice cream and the white wine out.
He's an arse.

Generally, women have a lot more experience in the 'what can be cleaned' field...

I struggle with telling him how I feel I don't know why.

Perhaps it's your subconscious protecting you. I know nothing of your husband but do know, from experience, that sometimes people can use what you share with them against you when it suits them.

He will NEVER be the one to make the first move so it has to be me and I don't know how.

From experience again, I wouldn't do anything, just carry on about your business doing your own thing. Let him sulk and stew if that's how he wants to spend his time.

Grey rock is a useful tool for you in situations like these.