My partner is an incredible man. I am the main provider and he is carer to our 4 year old autistic son. Over the years we have both lost many of our friends because we do not have childcare or family near us (I’m NC with my parents) and he is only in nursery 6 hours a week because he cannot cope with much more. Our DS is the most amazing little boy but I won’t lie, it is hard work. I had severe PND after pregnancy and my partner was my biggest support, he has always stood by me and supported us and he is just the most amazing dad and I know I am very lucky.
Over the last few months I have scaled back my business so that I can also do more childcare but it’s proving hard because we desperately need the money and we’re in quite a bad financial position since so I really need to scale it up again. We’re in receipt of child benefit and have applied for DLA.
My partner has always struggled with depression, and I knew this before we met, but he was in a much better place.
Recently he’s been struggling to the point I am so worried about him. He has been so off and just away in his own head. At first I thought it was me but he has told me he is so down and anxious. I have told him that he can always talk to me and we are very close like that, we always have interesting conversations and personal conversations, but he struggles to tell me because he says he cannot pin point one thing, that he just feels so sad.
The other day he drove to the shops and there were 5 car accidents, he was stuck with in traffic for 3 hours and then the car started over heating. He started just crying and almost having a panic attack. I ordered an Uber for him to get home because I didn’t want him driving in that state.
He was previously on sertraline but stopped taking it, but he’s started taking it the last week and he said he’s feeling even worse.
We’ve had what I thought was a wonderful day today - took DS to his favourite soft play (luckily wasn’t busy) and then spent an hour at the beach.
When we were driving home he was very quiet, and I asked him if he was okay and he sort of shakily said yes - I reached out and squeezed his hand and told him it’s ok and he just started breaking down. I told him to pull over and he sat for a while and I drove us home.
I know he’s trying to deal with it and I’m worried he feels a burden which he is absolutely not. I want to support him as much as possible but I just don’t know how. I try encourage him to talk but I can’t force him to of course, I have said he needs to call the GP first thing and ask for a face to face appointment, not just a phone call.
However I am worried he needs more than this and is in crisis, but he would never go to A&E to see the crisis team (I have been under them previously so am aware of their process).
I’ve suggested therapy and I’m thinking maybe suggesting calling Samaritans because they don’t advise, they just listen and maybe he’d feel better opening up to someone who is there to listen and not judge.
All I get from him is ‘I don’t know, I’m just sad and anxious all the time’. I will of course give him the biggest hug and then he’ll break down again.
He has the most incredible relationship with our DS and I’m worried I’m going to lose him.
I want him to get the right support but I am not enough and he needs professional help.
What can I do?