Birthday fuss

[Kodak2]

i always make effort for other people’s birthdays I always treat people how I want to be treated. My partner isn’t big on birthdays but knows that they mean a lot to me every year I get a gift and a card but with no real effort behind it. I often get asked in the days before if I want anything. I always say I don’t mind what he gets me I just want a nice day and much prefer the thought over money being spent on me. Tomorrow is a big birthday for me and I’m pregnant. he asked me what I wanted so I said anything would be lovely but I do need this item if he couldnt think of anything. the item I suggested would have to wait for it to come. I know Hes not got me anything to open tomorrow. he went out to the supermarket earlier to get me a card and has just asked me what I want to do tomorrow. So basically he hasn’t planned anything or got me anything to open it’s a big birthday and I was hoping to feel special and have a nice day. I know he dosnt do birthdays and finds them all a big fuss for nothing but I naively assumed for a big birthday just once he would make a fuss. So basically I’ll be waking up tomorrow receiving a card and spending the day pregnant and alone. Am I expecting to much he’s always made it clear he finds all the fuss pointless and is a great caring husband in every other way.

No. I'd be really disappointed if I were in your position. I don't especially mind what I do for my birthday, I appreciate my husband taking some time to plan something nice that he thinks I'll enjoy. Similarly with gifts, I won't ever tell someone something specific to give me because I then may aswell just get it myself.

I plan my own birthday, so I can have the day I want. We ditched presents, but if you want them, then perhaps give lists and ask him to surprise you with something. We don't do presents at Christmas, not even between me and my adult children, I struggle to buy for other adults. Just say tonight what you want to do.

When he asked what you want to do did you answer and tell him what you want to do?

My husband has taken years of training 😉 Keep modelling what good birthdays look like and he’ll get there in the end! I expect you’ll have to model Mothers Day every Fathers Day too.
But seriously though, sorry your feeling rubbish and I hope you can do something lovely on your birthday to cheer yourself up.

Agh, you’re not your!!!

He sounds crap but he's been openly crap from the start so I guess you knew what you were getting into. He knows they mean a lot to you but he's basically telling you he doesn't care, your feelings about birthdays don't matter to him - but again, he's been open and obvious about that.

I'll pre-warn you that his lack of effort will undoubtedly extend to Mother's Day so prepare yourself now, but you'll be right at home in March on here, with the hundreds of threads by women with equally crap partners.

Keep modelling what good birthdays look like
Nah, fuck that. Personally I'd have to stop making any effort for him on his birthday.

It's all very well making list of presents and reasonable expectations of the day but if you have a dh like mine it's a waste of time!He will look at the list then buy and do the exact opposite of the request.

I do hope you have a lovely Birthday @Kodak2 🥳 and congratulations on your pregnancy.

It is disappointing. I think it’s due to laziness more than anything. Partners have 364 days to plan something. I don’t know about you, but I spend plenty of time planning meals/ trips/chores/ home improvements etc to make life run smoothly so a bit of planning for a birthday, especially a significant one, isn’t a lot to ask. What you’ve stated seems a bit feeble.

My husband hates his birthday so I do as he wishes and ignore it. I don’t hate my birthday so I expect some effort. Taking me out for breakfast or lunch goes down well and it’s not a lot to ask.

I hope you are pleasantly surprised with something tomorrow but I don’t think it’s unreasonable to set out some expectations going forward.

Best Birthday wishes for tomorrow from a MN rando!

I understand it's disappointing for you.

But you say he is "a great caring husband" in every other way. There are so many women who would be desperate to be able to say that. So many in relationships with down right nasty and uncaring men.
You say also his attitude to birthdays isn't directed to you personally, that it's his general attitude to making a fuss over birthdays. And it's not a new type of behaviour.

I think you should make sure you pamper yourself on your birthday. Give yourself wee treats. Accept the card and the gift from your DH , when it arrives, with pleasure. And, whilst it's not exactly how you would like things to be, appreciate his good points.

Jumping the gun abit. Wait until tomorrow.

Why is your partner the only one who can organise anything?
Do you have parents, siblings etc?

Why would it need to all be his responsibility?
Couldn't your family or anything have done something?

Thank you @Surprisedmystified had a good cry earlier over how uncomfortable and pregnancy pain I feel which isn’t helping. Normally I think of all the positives and how lucky I’ve been to have him looking after me. I’m very hormonal recently and finding anything to get upset over. Yes it would be lovely if he respected my wishes but he did make it clear from day 1 he isn’t a birthday person and does everything else for me every other day.