To hate how some men get a bit handsy with you

[Geraldinefox]

I went to a gig on Friday evening and a few of my friends from work came, as we know one of the singers.

Some other colleagues came, some of whom I know less well. One of them is in a senior position to me at work (he is not in my team, and I don't work directly with him but I do occasionally have to email him/make referrals to him. I'm in a junior role.

Anyway he turned up at this concert seemingly quite drunk and was vaping in the audience (Is that even allowed)

I've only very briefly spoken to him in person. I saw he was staring at me a lot and whenever he leant in to speak to me he'd put his hands on me which I didn't think was necessary, or put his arm around me.

If he went to the toilet or whatever he'd put his hands on my waist to get past me.

Not sure if I'm overreacting but I didn't find it appropriate or necessary. I know gigs can be quite noisy but you don't need to drape your arms/hands all over someone to speak to them? He has a girlfriend too.

Not sure if I'm overthinking it, to be fair I should've been more assertive with him.

Bump

That’s not acceptable behaviour. Ideally you should make it clear it’s not acceptable, then report if it continues. Outside work HR may feel it’s not their business, but try them first, if no joy then police. Whatever you decide to do, keep a diary of his unwanted attentions.

Sounds like normal life in the 70s. Fortunately we’ve moved on a bit.

Not acceptable. I bet he wouldn't do that to another man.

I was stood with another female colleague in my team, funnily he didn't have much interest in touching/speaking to her.

Thankfully I'm due to leave soon!

Thanks for the replies. He was drunk but still, no excuse. It just annoys me the entitlement they have.

@MereDintofPandiculation

the police because he put his hand on her waist???

just when you think you've read it all...

Literally where the saying "chancing your arm" comes from.

Nothing wrong in hating what he was doing but we, as women, also have to be a bit proactive/reactive instead of passively tolerating then grumbling about it.

I agree, he shouldn't do it but if you didn't say anything then he's going to think that behaviour is okay and do it again, if not to you, to somebody else. Until people start say stop, not appropriate/okay.

If it happens again, him or anyone else, SAY something. I find "er, you can look but don't touch" quite useful, along with a death glare. Or even a simple "hands off". Or maybe just hysterically scream "AAAARHHHH GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME YOU PERVERT"

I sometimes freeze in the moment, I wish I'd said something but I get scared I'm overreacting and they'll tell me to chill out or something.

So what if he says chill out?
You can always shrug his arm off, frown, move away etc without saying anything. You don't have to accept this. It's your body and if you don't want him to touch it, he shouldn't.

If you don't like it, you are not overreacting.

So you freeze. Fine if it's a one off but if the same person does it twice you will have time to think up a reaction.

If they tell you to chill out or whatever just say "I will as soon as you stop groping me".

To be honest, a decent guy who's just a bit drunk/stupid, will probably apologise rather than turn on you. Any guy who turns on you is showing you who HE is and probably best dealt with by saying "yeah, whatever" then turning your back on him. The gobbier they are, the more they're telling you they feel like the fool.

Feel like this is just yet another thing women have to experience..

I’d bad mouth him in the office tomorrow. Just mention how drunk and handsy he was. Let your colleagues know what an embarrassment he is.

This reminded me of this experiment:

https://bigthink.com/the-present/sensor-dress/

I agree though. It's incredibly annoying.

It is. We always have.

Like anything else (not gender biased) if people don't know/realise they are doing wrong or behaving inappropriately they'll carry on until they're either told to stop or someone takes them to one side and explains.

No. Because he's been continuing to harass her, and if he continues after she makes it clear that his attentions aren't welcome, then that is clear sexual harassment. You did notice that I said she should first let him know his attention was unwelcome?

Or do you think women (or anyone) should simply put up with groping?

I get scared I'm overreacting and they'll tell me to chill out or something. You are not over-reacting, and yes, he probably will tell you to chill. And others may do. But anyone telling you to chill is condoning a man helping himself to bodily contact with you, treating your body as his possession, and therefore their views can safely be ignored.