Reducing ExH time with DC

[Halfaciderandabagofcrisps]

I’d really like some views on whether I’m BU and if not how best to approach things in DC1(12) best interests. Any change means DC1 will likely see me as the bad guy.

Background: ExH and I split 3 years ago. He lives in a flat 40 mins away. We have two DC both teenagers. I have DC1 with me on an agreed basis 60/40. DC2 (his choice) is with me 80/20.

This summer ExH has DC1 50/50 in school holidays. This is motivated in large part by ExH not wanting to pay more CM. ExH works from home around half the week. DC1 doesn’t know anyone in the area. ExH would not encourage DC1 to get to know other kids. He would also not pay for DC1 to do any clubs or camps. Whilst ExH is working at home DC1 is stuck indoors all day and it’s the same if ExH goes into the office. DC1 feels alone but desperately wants to see ExH. DC1 would be resistant to a change and he would not want to discuss it.

I’m thinking about insisting DC1 should stay with me if he’s stuck indoors all day or on his own because ExH has gone into work. I would WFH but DC1 could go out with friends and DC2 is around.

YABU - ExH can do what he likes when DC1 is with him it’s none of your business and DC1 wanting to be with ExH overrides your concerns.

YANBU- ExH should be asked to have DC1 less if DC1 is being left alone all day or is stuck indoors and DC1 will eventually see the sense in this.

TIA

I am assuming your child has told you that when his Dad is WFH or goes into the office, he's bored and on his own? If this is the case, then both your child and ex need to sit down and talk. Could it be that those days your ex works, your child stays with you during the day and goes back to his Dad's in the evening? Yes, of course that means your ex needs to bring him to you or you pick him up and the same in the evening? Or could your child and you suggest a holiday club for the daytime, to his Dad? The problem is, your child can't have it both ways. He wants to see his Dad but doesn't want to be on his own during the day, whilst he's working. Your ex needs to work, so he can't be available during the day. Therefore, there needs to be a choice made, either he spends less time with his Dad or he has to deal with being on his own during the day, if a compromise can't be thrashed out, between you all.

I can't see how you could realistically enforce a change if neither DC1 nor exH wants one.

You could encourage your child to talk to his dad to see if any compromise could be made (could his dad take some half days off work for example) but apart from that I'd leave it.