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AIBU?

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Original poster

To feel pissed off

23 replies

Trufflebutter24 · 03/08/2024 23:51

Tonight had a long overdue date night with my husband. Haven’t had the best day either so really was looking forward to quality time, plus things have been pretty shitty between us lately, so was looking forward to quality time.
We went for a nice meal (had been out about 2 hours) and on the way home I asked if he wanted to pop into a buzzy bar for a drink, he said no. I tried my best to convince him for one but he was adamant no. He told me I was being a prick because I wanted to go and have a dance with him and I tried to convince him it’d be fun (for about a minute)
We carried on our walk to the car and I said why don’t we sit by the river and chat, I don’t want to rush home, he refuses but then gives in, spends a few minutes sitting there and then says he wants to go. We walk back to the car and on the way I try to be jovial, he’s pissed off, tells me I’ve spoilt his night, spend the journey home in silence. Couldn’t even manage 3 hours together. I’m very much go with the flow. As long as I’m with him I could be anywhere, doing anything. Am I wrong? Is going for a drink or romantic stroll out of order?

OP posts:
Devilsmommy · 03/08/2024 23:55

You already know it isn't out of order. You said as long as you're with him, any place, you're happy but it doesn't sound like he feels the same. Is he normally a grumpy fucker or was it a case of having a bad day and then going out when he didn't really want to? Though even if it was the latter he was a twat for being so shitty to you about it

PocketBattleship · 04/08/2024 00:16

No, but trying to make him do something he made it clear he didn't want to do is.

KrisAkabusi · 04/08/2024 00:18

As long as I’m with him I could be anywhere, doing anything

Except for home obviously. It sounds like he'd had enough of the night for whatever reason, but you wanted to stay out. That's fine, nobody's wrong. But it does sound a bit as if you kept at him to do something.

Imnotarestaurant · 04/08/2024 00:22

Had you been drinking and he hadn’t (because he was driving)?

cupcaske123 · 04/08/2024 00:24

I'm going to go against the grain here and say that you sound as though you were being irritating.

I'm taking it that he didn't drink so wasn't in the same frame of mind as you and you annoyed him about wanting to dance. A lot of people don't like dancing and it seems as though he wanted to go home. Then you insisted on sitting by the river when he'd made it clear he wanted to leave.

He's out of order for calling you names but I can understand why he was behaving as he did.

FrancisSeaton · 04/08/2024 00:28

cupcaske123 · 04/08/2024 00:24

I'm going to go against the grain here and say that you sound as though you were being irritating.

I'm taking it that he didn't drink so wasn't in the same frame of mind as you and you annoyed him about wanting to dance. A lot of people don't like dancing and it seems as though he wanted to go home. Then you insisted on sitting by the river when he'd made it clear he wanted to leave.

He's out of order for calling you names but I can understand why he was behaving as he did.

That's how I read it

Bellatrixpure · 04/08/2024 00:29

If both of you had wanted to go dancing or go for a stroll then nothing wrong with this. He made it clear he didn’t want to.

ButWhatAboutTheBees · 04/08/2024 00:33

Unless there's a huge backstory here... I'd say you were being unreasonable

You'd been out for a meal, to him that was enough. Whether because he's tired, he doesn't enjoy dancing, he was bored, he hadn't been able to drink...

You kept pestering him to extend the night and he made it clear he didn't want to but you kept pushing...

ASwimADay · 04/08/2024 00:50

How was he when you were out for dinner? Was he just annoyed because you didn't want to go home?

KreedKafer · 04/08/2024 01:02

Sounds to me like you were tipsy and being quite annoying, while he was the one driving and therefore sober.

If I’d gone out with the intention of having dinner, I wouldn’t really want to turn that into drinking and dancing in a ‘buzzy bar’ afterwards either. Particularly if I was basically just going to be watching someone else getting pissed and needy while I was stone cold sober.

Aquamarine1029 · 04/08/2024 01:45

on the way home I asked if he wanted to pop into a buzzy bar for a drink, he said no. I tried my best to convince him for one but he was adamant no.

If it were me, I'd be really annoyed at you trying to "convince" me to do something I stated clearly that I didn't want to do. When I say no, I mean it, and I don't appreciate someone trying to coerce me to change my mind. You didn't just do this once, you did it twice.

MonsteraMama · 04/08/2024 01:53

What is it we always say on here? "No is a complete sentence"? He said no, you pestered, I think anyone would find that annoying.

I feel like this is just a case of the two of you were on very different wavelengths this evening. You were being annoying, and he's being dramatic saying you spoiled his night.

Brush it off, try again when you're both more in the same headspace.

sandgrown · 04/08/2024 02:00

I think he was unreasonable. A rare date night and a chance to reconnect and he can’t be bothered. I used to live with a boring bastard like that and it wasn’t drink as I used to drive . He just wanted to get home and watch TV. Now gets to watch as much TV as he wants on his own!

JanglingJack · 04/08/2024 02:16

Tipsy, busy pub dance pest vs sober, tired, full of food driver.

YABU

Lillycc · 04/08/2024 02:52

Was someone drinking? And someone sober?

Edingril · 04/08/2024 03:28

sandgrown · 04/08/2024 02:00

I think he was unreasonable. A rare date night and a chance to reconnect and he can’t be bothered. I used to live with a boring bastard like that and it wasn’t drink as I used to drive . He just wanted to get home and watch TV. Now gets to watch as much TV as he wants on his own!

So because the op decided what happens he has to go along with it and if not he is wrong?

Why?

InWalksBarberalla · 04/08/2024 03:37

In your pestering him to go to the bar did you imply he was boring at all? In a jovial manner? Why did he call you a prick?

MirandaBlu · 04/08/2024 04:14

How did you "spoil his night"? It sounds like the two of you had very different ideas about what a night out would be - him wanting to follow a rigid schedule and you wanting to be spontaneous - but whenever a conflict became apparent he got his way.

Is he really wanting to have nights out with you? If you believe that he is and he just can't give up control, could you maybe take turns planning a night out and whoever plans calls the shots all evening unless there's an emergency or the other person is in serious distress? Maybe debrief together after the night out and discuss what each of you liked and did not like, so that the next time whoever is taking the lead can plan something (closer to) mutually satisfying.

notagdfriend · 04/08/2024 06:58

The problem is he wanted to go home and you didn't. You tried to get him to go for a drink /dance he didn't want to. You tried to get him to sit by the river he didn't want to but gave in. It's hardly going to be fun if one of you doesn't want to.

Saying you ruined his night seems dramatic but I can understand why he doesn't want to be pestered. I'm guessing you made him feel bad for not wanting to extend the night, so he's taking that out on you.

hellopossums46 · 04/08/2024 07:02

He sounds like a real fun sponge. You get a rare night out and he wants to go home after two hours? Not only that but he instigates a row, calls you name then does silent treatment just because you suggested having another drink or sitting by the river?

If this is how my dh treated me on the rare occasions we get to spend as a couple I would be rethinking things. Especially if your marriage is already 'shitty' anyway. Life is too short.

MoosesOnGooses · 04/08/2024 07:06

cupcaske123 · 04/08/2024 00:24

I'm going to go against the grain here and say that you sound as though you were being irritating.

I'm taking it that he didn't drink so wasn't in the same frame of mind as you and you annoyed him about wanting to dance. A lot of people don't like dancing and it seems as though he wanted to go home. Then you insisted on sitting by the river when he'd made it clear he wanted to leave.

He's out of order for calling you names but I can understand why he was behaving as he did.

Agree with this. He said no, you should have accepted that.

Stop with the faux “He told me I was being a prick because I wanted to go and have a dance with him”. That’s simply not true. He called you a prick because you listen to him
or respect his decision.

Original poster
Trufflebutter24 · 05/08/2024 09:24

Thanks for the replies! We both drank the same amount so I wasn’t more drunk whatsoever. We don’t get the opportunity to go out much so I just didn’t want to rush home, it did feel he was pretty much not in the mood to be out with me which at the time felt shit. We spoke in the morning and he said he’s not been feeling great lately so that definitely makes sense. I realise I may have been pushy and it’s something that I am guilty of.

OP posts:
TulipCat · 05/08/2024 09:31

If you don't have many date nights, perhaps it felt like too much pressure to "make the most of it" when he just wanted to go out for dinner.

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