hi - I appreciate your advice and time.
I'm 52, been single for 8 years. I have had a couple of short flings that have never met my daughter. I have been married to my career.
I have one 29 year old daughter, who recently got engaged to her lovely boyfriend of 4 years. They are planning a family. I'm tickled pink. I remain friends with her dad (and his wife) having separated when our girl was 3. An amicable break-up and child-focused relationship was cultivated and transitioned when she became a young adult herself. We all live in Australia.
About 2 years ago, my daughter moved out to live with said lovely boyfriend, with my blessing. The each bring a house to their new situation, and are working FT, university degree's, three dogs - a lovely life. I'm very proud of their hard work to achieve this.
When she moved out, it seemed natural to re-focus on me given she was in full flight, and I was offered a promotional high paid position in a different state.
I met with her before making any decisions, discussed the pro's and con's and with her support, went off to have an adventure and build upon my career.
We agreed that I would come back when she was a mum to be a supportive grandparent, forge a relationship with my grand-child etc. My daughter has had disagreements with her dad but repaired them. They are not as close as we are.
She has always said she would like me to meet someone, to 'get a life' and not be on my own. She would like me to 'share being a grandparent' with someone.
So, despite being pretty comfortable in my single life as a business woman, I did meet someone and after 9 months we're still kicking on nicely. It's taken me some months to transition to being loved, to love someone, to let my guard down, to let someone in. He's patient, cruisy, kind and loves me.
Fast forward to the AIBU moment.
My daughter is turning 29 in August and I've planned a trip home to see them all. As a gift, a generous friend is donating her Qantas points so that my partner can join me. He would like to come down for part of the 10 day trip, not all to ensure that i can spend some 1:1 time with my girl and he has to return to work. This is an opportunity too good to pass up and also helps me show him around my original town as he knows I plan to move back there. "Where you go, I'll go" he says, so he's agreeable to relocating with me when the time comes even though it's not his preference. Like I said, he loves me.
Regarding his exclusion from this trip in August, let me explain. We have just returned from spreading his dad's ashes in another state, with flights, accommodation, hire car, service costs etc and my partner is recovering financially from that necessary expense. I helped pay for these expenses to lay his dad at rest. He also is a tradesperson, not salaried and if he doesn't work, he doesn't get paid. I work for the government, salaried in a high paid position and accrue paid leave.
My daughter seems precocious, uninviting and sulky when I mentioned my partner can suddenly join me for part of the trip, inferring that I am 'inviting my boyfriend' which she feels encroaches on our plans. My partner and I are consultative, respectful and happy to have him arrive around/after our my existing plans with my daughter - she is not having it. I'm feeling controlled, bullied and stressed. I asked her if she's avoiding meeting him? She says no. She is happy to meet him, just after our plans are done. I'm agreeable to this.
She is also getting married in the next year and has invited my partner as a nod to my partner which I respect. I thought this would be a good opportunity to meet before the wedding.
I understand that she hasn't had to share me before and she's benefited from the full time attention of me, as her mum. My partner is happy to not attend for part of the trip, doesn't want to cause drama but I am embarrassed of her behaviour.
Any advice?
Thank you in advance.