To ask for your good experiences of having kids

[EveningSpread]

I’m 7 months pregnant with my first and read a lot on here about how hard having kids is, and husbands having affairs. I know people come on here when they need advice or to vent.

But I would love to hear your positive stories of having kids: what made it enjoyable, how you kept good finances/marriage (even in late pregnancy or postpartum when sex is not what it was), how much being financially secure or having flexible jobs helped.

Most of all, I’d like to hear about all the fun bits of having a small child with a supportive, involved, equal partner, or as maturer parents like we will be.

Me and DP are 35 and 40, have a lovely relaxed life with flexible jobs, we’re financially comfortable with decent salaries for the north and a small affordable house/mortgage, we will take 6 months off each, and are genuinely looking forward to it. But sometimes I feel like I’m living in cloud cuckoo land being so positive about it all! Tell me your good stories so I have balance for all the bad!

So: AIBU for thinking having our child is going to be good rather than a horrible slog?!

Good things about having kids? Where do I start?!
It’s the best thing I’ve ever done, by a million miles. They make me laugh more than I could ever have imagined, I am so proud of them in every possible way. I love my partner more than I ever thought I could when I see him with them. The tough times have brought us closer - we’ve both done the sleepless nights, the cleaning up bodily fluids, the coping with tantrums, the staying overnight in hospital worried to death.

If I had my time again I sometimes think I’d choose a closer age gap for my kids (nearly 6 years between them), but then they wouldn’t be them and they wouldn’t have the relationship they have, so I genuinely wouldn’t change a thing.

I love being a mum, my relationship is still as strong as ever after 17 years of raising 4 children together. Having kids is fun and rewarding. Yes it's hard work and at times feels thankless, yes there will be times when you argue with your partner because your parenting views will differ - communixation and compromise are the key.

You'll ve fine - good luck with your baby!

I’ve laughed so much more since having children - they can be so funny, cute and a joy to be around. It’s lovely to see their personalities develop over time and I love the feeling of being a ‘family’. Mine aren’t little anymore - I still laugh with them and we can do fun things together etc All of the above balances out the very real sleep deprivation, financial madness, stresses and strains of day to day juggling…. In my experience 🌻

One single person described it to me like this… have you ever seen the Wizard of Oz? When Dorothy steps out of the black & white and into the colour, well that’s what having kids will bring to your life. Colour and love and utter joy like you have never experienced.

Oh my goodness there is the bleak crazy downside to it, EVERYONE will tell you all about that, in detail but do you know what, as a seriously non maternal person, my kids really have transformed my world immeasurably.

Excited for you and what is to come OP!! 😃

I have two adult DC (21/25).
I was told I couldn't have children and didn't particularly want them.
They turned up in my mid to late thirties.
I wouldn't have known how great your own family is. I loved teaching them (I still do). My son is very confident and self motivated my daughter caring and calm. I am super proud of them both. He's a CS, she is a med student.
Our daughter had troubles at school and a lot of my home life was effected by caring for my parents in our home.
I remember the seaside holidays and the school concerts. My DH was a hands on dad. We have them both home at the moment. It's been fun and I am proud how they turned out.

They're brilliant - watching their personalities develop is amazing! I have a wonderful husband and we share things pretty much 50/50 (both work part-time to accommodate childcare/school pick ups) and, although there are sometimes challenges, we are happy!

There is so much negativity out there, and yes having children is hard, but life is so enriched because of them. Even on the hardest days, my young children manage to make me smile/laugh. It's fascinating watching them develop and understanding every inch of their personality in a way you simply don't in any other relationship.

Relationship-wise we've had to relearn everything, but we've done it together and it's strengthened our bond on a deeper level.

We are older parents too and I wouldn't have done it any other way. We have the time to nurture our children in a way we couldn't when we were younger as we're financially stable and able to slow down on any career progression.

Congratulations OP, you're at the start of something very exciting!

I remember someone describing it to me as 'the greatest love affair of your life' and they were right. It's absolutely the best thing I have ever done.

6 months off each is good, we did that for both kids. Dh works from home most days which helps, and I went part time. We get a decent work-family balance.

You mention "how to keep good finances/marriage" - being married is good for safeguarding finances, I'm not sure if you're married or would consider doing that soon.

Overall I don't think having kids has damaged our relationship. My dh is quite suited to caring and he has a lot of patience for the frustrating and monotonous aspects of babies and toddlers. I'm more resilient than average to sleep deprivation, while he's patient with noise and tantrums.

The important thing to remember is they aren't babies forever, it really does get a bit easier and less exhausting, approximately when they turn 3 (I think, IME).

You sound very similar to me and my husband. Our DD is 5 and she’s awesome (mostly). She was a super chilled baby, and is now a funny, confident kind little girl. The stuff that I love about being her mum is probably quite specific to her personality, but she’s very thoughtful and asks lots of questions. I like the people that I’ve become friends with because of her, I didn’t really make any mum friends while I was on mat leave, even though I did every baby class there was and then we went into lockdown as she started nursery but towards the end I made friends with some of the nursery mums, who are now school mum friends.She also tells me she loves me and that I’m her best friend about ten times a day, I enjoy that now because I know that won’t last forever 😂

My eldest is 5 and I love seeing the person that she is turning into. I love listening to her views on life, her interests and what makes her tick. I enjoy seeing which parts of DH and myself she has. Every time she achieves something it fills me with pride and I love celebrating her achievements with her. Even if it's just a school certificate for good handwriting or moving up to the next swimming stage.

My husband is a very hands on dad, there's always cackling and laughing coming from whatever room they are all in. He takes the eldest to her clubs and helps on the school run if he hasn't got an early meeting to go to.

Financially we were comfortable so I became a SAHM mum after my maternity ended. We had to shield anyway due to COVID so it made sense not to go back immediately. After the second was born I went back to work part time WFH. It's harder to juggle when one of them is sick and can't go to school/pre-school and it falls on one of my work days. I've had to sacrifice my career somewhat at this point as DH works in an industry that's 24 hours so it's unpredictable to when he might have to start/finish. He also earns three to four times more than I would full time. My current role is WFH and not time sensitive so I can move things around easily hence not moving upwards.

Cuddles 😊

My relationship didn’t work out BUT even as a single mum to a 4 year old and a 6 month old, there’s not a single thing I would change.

I always wanted to be a mum and they are the absolute light of my life, they make me happier than anything else ever could. The pride and joy you feel for them and their achievements are just priceless!

Obviously days are hard and sleepless nights are real and kids have their moments and tantrums and will worry you half to death but overall, taken all together, they’re just the best thing ever.

We were very similar to you and your DP in that we have very flexible jobs, good income, nice life and it was a shock that you genuinely can’t prepare for. But my god is it worth it. My whole life revolves around another person but I wouldn’t want it any other way because I’ve never known love like it!

It’s amazing and exhausting in equal parts, but nothing that’s worth having comes easy.

This is all lovely to read, thanks everyone!

I quite like a challenge and think that valuable things can be difficult, so I’m hoping having our child falls into the category of high effort, high reward!

I think having a good, equal partner makes all the difference for women - you’ve all reassured me about that! Also my DP just loves being with people and is excited to have a little person around who requires his constant attention 😂

Like some here I’m not super maternal but also genuinely looking forward to having our child - it’s a strange combination!

I have had 4 and god only knows we have had our stressful times, but holidays have always been a pleasure. Holding a drowsy happy child in your arms after a full fun day, watching the sun go down, and knowing how much you love them, and them you is everything. Watching them stumble up to deliver their lines in the nativity, all of the time looking for you in the audience. Having a real laugh with them when they are older "do you remember the time when...."insert some memory where you were probably being ridiculous"....followed by building on the memory by all involved, but never taking it personally. This often starts "YEAH, IF THAT WASN'T BAD ENOUGH, BUT GOD, then Mum..." (more hilarity, ribbing and ridiculing). You end up hooting with laughter at yourself. There are so many good things... xx