Leaving dd with in laws

[any009]

Okay so this has been on my mind since my daughter was born which is 10 months now. I will be retuning to work when my daughter is 11 months. I work weekdays and weekends, weekdays are fine because she’s in nursery but weekends I have to leave my dd with in laws and I am getting such bad anxiety just thinking about it!

in laws said they are happy to watch dd on Saturdays but I am so worried as they have a 9 year old son that is just out of control! When ever he’s around dd he is so rough, screams in her face, takes toys off of her and tries picking her up any chance he gets! I’m so worried that they won’t watch her properly or they’ll leave her alone with him for even just 2 minutes would not be good! I’m worried what he would do and I’m worried that it’s too much for my dd I can’t get the thoughts out of my head.

aibu to be worried? Would you feel the same if it was your dd or am I over reacting?

Sounds worrying to me especially if you have seen him treat her badly. Can you pay for childcare? Is her dad working same time as you? Is he not worried too?

I would find somebody else to care for her on Sat. That boys behavior sounds pretty immature and naughty for someone his age.

It doesn't sound like a situation I'd leave my DD in.

Her safety and happiness comes above all else. Get a Saturday minder.

No I wouldn't leave her with inlaws with that situation. Where's her dad, can he have her at the weekends whilst you work?

What other options do you have ? Your DH also works weekends I assume? Does he work every weekend? Could you alternate?

Can you look at a flexible working agreement with your work to avoid working weekends? At least till she is a bit older?

I wouldn't leave her there. No chance.

What about your husband? Can’t he care for the little one on the weekends?

That is extreme behaviour for 9. They are usually a little calmer at 9 especially on their own, perhaps more giddy when in a group situation. Is he jealous of the attention your DD gets.

In that situation, I wouldn't leave my child. It sounds so scary for her and the poor little thing can't verbalise what is happening. Your stomach will be in knots worrying about her.

What's the Dad doing? Why are you working weekdays and weekends?

Is there literally no one else you can ask? I wouldn't do it

Speak with nursery one of the staff might look for babysitting on a weekend to top up their wages. At least they would know your daughter, be first aid trained, DBS etc

This

Does your partner work weekends too?

You’re not overreacting. This isn’t a safe situation to leave your baby in.

Hard no the the in-laws.

What does their son suggest as a solution as I’m assuming he’s witnessed his brother’s behaviour?

Don't do it

Don't let her stay there, she won't be safe. Is her father around, can he have her?

Thank you all for your reply. My husband also works weekends as he has two jobs. I only have 2 weekdays off and have to work every weekend. All I have done is worry and stress I will need to find another solution thank you

What is their reaction to his behaviour? Can you do trial days? Or discuss your worry with them/DP (to pass on?).

Absolutely no chance.

Tbh my relationship with ils never recovered after I refused to let their 9yo play dollies with my ds. They thought she should be allowed to push him round the streets alone....

Sometimes I sit back and watch their reaction and they do tell him off but not like I would want them too. They are too calm with it in my opinion and he is just out of control I have never seen anything like it! I’m stressing so much to a point where I’m considering not going back to work just because of the Saturday. If I have no other choice I will speak to them about the situation and maybe to a trial period but don’t know if I can even bring myself to do that. It’s all I think about