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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think she shouldn't have attended?

25 replies

chickadont · 02/08/2024 21:33

One of my DHs friends (who is lovely) is married to a woman who is good friends with DH's ex.

We see each other in passing and she has always been hot and cold with me, to the point we had several discussions about not inviting her to our wedding because of this behaviour. In the end we decided to invite her, hoping it would put an end to the childish behaviour, she'd see we were serious and that my DH sees her as a friend too.

She didnt speak to me or DH on the day, or anyone for that matter. Her own DH left her to her own devices and she got absolutely shitfaced whilst sat on a table on her own which seems to be in the background of every single photograph.

At first I was grateful she'd made the effort to come, but having seen the photos (and realised it isn't all in my head!) I'm furious. Furious she came if she couldn't be happy for us. And furious for my DH who genuinely thought she was a friend (before we got together).

AIBU to get her photoshopped out of every photo and never see her again?! Or am I being a bridezilla?

OP posts:
OuchIsLife · 02/08/2024 21:35

Will you care about this in a year?

Diarygirlqueen · 02/08/2024 21:38

Was he married to the ex? Did he cheat with you? Just asking to find out why she dislikes you so much.

MimiSunshine · 02/08/2024 21:39

Will you really print many of your evening reception photos?

just leave your DH to socialise with his friend (the husband) and don’t bother having anything to do with her.

his friends wife doesn’t need to be your friend.

socialdilemmawhattodo · 02/08/2024 21:43

Why was she on her own? Had you put her on the table of elderly relatives, whilst her DH (whom you both seem to like) was busy with wedding stuff? Nothing wrong with him being busy, but perhaps the table planning (in your control) wasn't ideal?

Cocopogo · 02/08/2024 21:46

It would never cross my mind that she was sat on her own getting shitfaced because of you. I would assume she’s had a row with her DP or had suffered some sort of trauma recently.

Gcsunnyside23 · 02/08/2024 21:53

Have you asked her directly what her issue with you is? Maybe she's just a sour person naturally

Original poster
chickadont · 02/08/2024 21:58

No cheating. He wasn't married to his ex, but they were together a long time, breakup instigated by him.

I know for sure this was why she was absolutely plastered and didn't even stand for the first dance, as her DH has since apologised (but she has not).

I appreciate I don't have to be her friend, but I see her often in group settings and I actually really like her husband and other friends so don't want to cut off my nose to spite my face but at the same time I don't want to give her the time of day

OP posts:
Original poster
chickadont · 02/08/2024 21:59

It was also embarrassing on the night with a few friends asking who she was/what her problem was. I didn't give it too much thought at the time as I was enjoying myself but since seeing the photos I can absolutely see how obvious it was

OP posts:
GCAcademic · 02/08/2024 22:06

I don’t understand why you invited her at all, given that she had form for not behaving well towards you. This was never going to end well.

INeedAnotherName · 02/08/2024 22:11

Her own DH left her to her own devices and she got absolutely shitfaced whilst sat on a table on her own
They had probably rowed that day and she was very upset. I doubt it was anything to do with you, or about you. He could have called her a cunt, a bitch or a fucking lazy twat which is why she got pissed and he socialised and charmed whilst ignoring his wife.

Anyway, that would be the first thing to cross my mind, and not that she was being anti social and trying to ruin my wedding.

ChampagneLassie · 02/08/2024 22:16

INeedAnotherName · 02/08/2024 22:11

Her own DH left her to her own devices and she got absolutely shitfaced whilst sat on a table on her own
They had probably rowed that day and she was very upset. I doubt it was anything to do with you, or about you. He could have called her a cunt, a bitch or a fucking lazy twat which is why she got pissed and he socialised and charmed whilst ignoring his wife.

Anyway, that would be the first thing to cross my mind, and not that she was being anti social and trying to ruin my wedding.

This seems a more likely explanation than she was so bothered by your wedding cause shes pals with his ex. Like why would anyone do that?

Noseybookworm · 02/08/2024 22:24

Well presumably if you want to socialise with her partner in group settings, you will have to see her. You can be polite, you don't have to be friends. Or you could just let your DH socialise with his friend and stay away from them. She didn't ruin your wedding as you said, you didn't really notice at the time. It sounds like her partner went off and left her on her own so she sat and got pissed. Probably not her finest hour but hardly the end of the world!

Aquamarine1029 · 02/08/2024 22:30

The sooner you learn to stop caring about people who don't matter, the happier you'll be. Look at all of the emotional energy you've wasted on this woman. For nothing. You should be thinking about the happy points on your wedding day, and instead you're obsessing about this woman whose opinion of you is irrelevant. I bet you're thinking about her a lot more than she's ever thought of you. How silly.

Shan5474 · 02/08/2024 22:31

I’m not normally petty but yes I’d crop or Photoshop her out of any photos I was planning to look at/print. Life is too short to have photos of a happy day ruined by a sour puss. Then I’d avoid her, sounds like she hasn’t been very nice to you generally but her wedding behaviour was bizarre, her own DH didn’t even want to be with her and he had to apologise on her behalf.

Has your DH spoken to his friend about whether she has a problem with you two in case there’s anything beyond the fact that she’s friends with his ex?

Delphiniumandlupins · 02/08/2024 22:57

So her husband abandoned her at his friend's wedding. She's left sitting at a table, alone, and you wonder why she's looking unhappy? Doesn't seem like she knew many people so it might have been nice if her 'lovely' DH had kept her company.

TheCatterall · 02/08/2024 23:13

Can you not get one of her with her face like thunder blown up and slip it into a slideshow of the wedding pics to share with friends/her husband. I jest… ish.

Look at your favourite pics - decide if her presence mars them - Get them tweaked now so it doesn’t bother you for years to come. Your wedding photographer might be able to do it.

NewName24 · 02/08/2024 23:15

INeedAnotherName · 02/08/2024 22:11

Her own DH left her to her own devices and she got absolutely shitfaced whilst sat on a table on her own
They had probably rowed that day and she was very upset. I doubt it was anything to do with you, or about you. He could have called her a cunt, a bitch or a fucking lazy twat which is why she got pissed and he socialised and charmed whilst ignoring his wife.

Anyway, that would be the first thing to cross my mind, and not that she was being anti social and trying to ruin my wedding.

This.

Her own DH left her to her own devices

This ^ is what I assume she was pissed off about.

Doesn't sound like quite the lovely fella you are describing.

Chickychoccyegg · 02/08/2024 23:18

I agree with pp , much more likely she's pissed off because she's had an argument with her dh and /or because he pissed off and left her to her own device's...no one wants to be sitting at a table on their own getting pissed. My guess is her lovely dh is not quite so lovely to her.

Cherrysoup · 02/08/2024 23:23

I think her Dh was an arse. Even if she was moaning like hell, why would he leave her at a wedding where presumably she didn’t know many people? I’d have got pissed too. Just don’t choose pics with her in.

Livelovebehappy · 02/08/2024 23:39

Don’t get why you are focussing on this after scrutinising the photos, rather than just enjoying and remembering the memories of how much you enjoyed the day. You said yourself you didn’t notice her behaviour on the day, so it can’t have been that obvious or you would have seen it happening. There’s nothing you can do about it unless you break up the friendship between your dh and his friend, because if I was her, and you didn’t involve me in future events/outings, I sure as hell would expect my dh to have my back and decline invites too.

Original poster
chickadont · 02/08/2024 23:42

Sorry if I wasn't clear. Her DP left her to her own devices because she wouldn't join in eg. Stand for first dance, throw confetti, talk to people etc And she chose to sit alone and not join in.

She knew the majority of people there including her own extended family, large group of DHs friends, their partners etc

OP posts:
YellowAsteroid · 02/08/2024 23:43

YABU

Why on earth did you invite her? You expected her not to attend? Weird

Original poster
chickadont · 02/08/2024 23:44

At the time I thought I might be taking her behaviour personally, as posters have mentioned. But the photos and comments from other guests during and after have made me think otherwise.

And yes, I wish I hadn't invited her, but in a way glad I did as everyone else has seen her behaviour now so it can't be put down to me taking things the wrong way as I know she's exs friend

OP posts:
Moveoverdarlin · 02/08/2024 23:47

I just wouldn’t socialise with her again. I would blank her. It sounds harsh but I wouldn’t invite her husband to anything either. He needs to realise she’s ballsed things up for all of you. Scowling at someone’s wedding and then drinking the free booze is just the lowest of the low.

Thirdsummerofourdiscontent · 03/08/2024 00:55

Ignore her, stop making her behaviour about you. She is an unhappy troll whose partner even ignored her behaviour because it’s her personality. Smile and pretend she doesn’t exist and if you have to speak with her pretend she’s the bus conductor, be polite smile and move along quickly.

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