To ask for advice on depression mess!

[kcchiefette]

Hi all

I will start by saying I have been in pretty dire health the last year or so. I have hypothyroidism and MS and currently going through a flare up. I have also badly struggled with some anxiety/depression. Its mostly fatigue - I have managed to stay working full time but by the end of the day/at weekends, I am floored!

My garden and house is in a completely dire state. I need to clear out and weed my garden. Its badly overgrown and its really embarrassing. The decking is old and breaking. I am in a private rent from family.

My house needs a few dump runs to get rid of some excess things I no longer need.

Just looking some advice on where to start?

I am going to order a skip on Monday to start sorting out the garden and clearing weeds etc.

However, I work full time, although I can WFH when needed. E.g. can I get much done on an hours lunch break?

I am really embarrassed but I dont even know how to start. Looking for some inspiration here.

Yes, I would definitely start by working from home as much as you can. It's so easy to do little 10 minute bursts of cleaning.

Do you live alone? If so I would ask for help or pay for help.

I live alone with my little one and my dog. Its got to a point that I feel embarrassed to even ask for help.

I am able to tidy etc but its challenging if I am working 8 hours a day, and the past few months I have been in the office virtually everyday. On the days I have off, I am so fatigued and have issues with balance etc. My priorities have been child and walking the dog and sadly everything else has failed.

Unfortunately I need to do something or the garden will be in complete mayhem.

Do I do it in sections? I was thinking of doing a plan to clear certain areas on certain days.

If possible I’d get someone to do the garden. Ours has got out of hand a couple of times (health issues) and it’s cost about £120 for someone to come in and spend a few hours making it look normal again. If you have it, it’s money well spent. I could have cried with happiness at how easy it was compared with how much I’d worried about it beforehand.

Rather than paying for a skip spend pay someone to do a few hours work and get it to a manageable level.
I'm not sure if this is the same across the country but in my area you can pay the council for a bulky waste collection, I paid £25 a few months ago and they took a fridge, table and armchair.

Would highly recommend reading “How to keep house while drowning” by KC Davis, a reassuring and helpful book. Once I stopped blaming & shaming myself for mess it got a million times easier to deal with.
Agree with buying in help for the garden if you can. I think a skip is a good idea. I remember reading on here someone saying they got one even though they felt a bit bad about it because they suddenly realised they had been living in their own wastepaper bin.
In the house I would start with somewhere you like to sit and make that lovely and tidy first. Treat yourself to a nice area to motivate yourself for the rest. Good luck!

A garden with lots of weeds looks terrible but is relatively easy to make look relatively presentable. I had this with mine after all the rain this year. Got rid of all the frightening looking weeds with repeated spraying. Took only five or so minutes to do each time. But keep repeating.

Then cut the grass. A garden always looks immediately better when you cut the grass.

It's hard to do a whole hour's work in the garden when you are not fit or well but doing ten minutes each day is a doddle and achieves a lot, whether it's sweeping up leaves or debris from patio or path, clipping the shrubs, tidying pots and plants, pulling up weeds or raking grass for moss and debris.

If you can't afford someone to clear the garden OP, you will get a LOT done if you do 30 minutes EVERY day! I am disabled and have spells where I just can't get out of bed, so the garden goes mad, and I feel totally overwhelmed, but I found that by just setting an alarm to do 30 minutes, as often as I can, I can make really good headway. The same with indoors, the trick is, not to get sidetracked, and start doing another job before you've finished the first one you started.

Good luck! I know it sounds daunting, but it can be done.

I took a week off work and did a full room per day. That isn't an option for you so I'd use your time to mentally put things into 'sections'. Anything you can see immediately for the bin, make a pile near the door. Anything for the wash, another pile, anything that's clutter but needs mental energy, box up and leave by the door.

I worked from the far corner to the door, leaving and dragging piles back as I moved towards the door. Anything that needs thought, save it until the bulk is done. Try to see the stuff as categories. Be ruthless. Charity shop/bin/sort today/sort another time.
It WILL be incredibly boring. Have something like the TV or podcast on to keep you awake. Seriously, the worst part of clearing my depression hovel was how tedious it is.
But believe me, bit by bit, chip away at it. You'll feel like a dark fog has lifted.

Oh! This might be weird but take a before and after picture! You'll be able to see a clear image of what you've achieved and it'll motivate you to keep going. Good luck and it's absolutely great that you feel like you can manage it now 💪

Re: garden. I'd put on Facebook if any sensible teens want to make a tenner for an hours work doing the weeding etc. if you can afford it, outsource as much as possible.

If u are exhausted at the end of the day, adding something else into the mix is going to make things worse. If it's just weeding, that is a task that doesn't require any knowledge or skill, is there a teenage neighbour who might be interested in doing it? Approach parents first

I’ve been there and it’s overwhelming.

I would start by walking into one room and don’t worry about cleaning it just remove everything you don’t want from that room. Put it in the garden ready for the skip.

it’s easy to say but when you have less stuff it’s easier to clean. Personally the more decluttering I do ( I still have far too much stuff) the less stressed I feel. Home needs to be your sanctuary.

Thanks for all your advice.

I spent about 2 hours over the weekend making one section immaculate in the garden and its given me a big boost to try and get the rest of it done.

I need to be in work tomorrow but planning to WFH most days this week so I can make a few dump runs and de clutter. Going to focus on the garden for the most part in the next month or so, as I need to get it sorted before colder weather and darker evenings come back in.

Then I can start to focus properly on the house.

I am feeling quite fatigued after that today so going to take the rest of the afternoon/evening easy for work tomorrow (6am wake up, eek!)

Good start! Small bursts of time do add up and you will see the progress from everything you do.

If you can pay for gardening help that would be worth it as it can be tiring!

I would write a list of timed jobs – 10 mins, 20 mins, 30 mins, 1 hour – and depending on the time slot you have, pick a job from the list. If the job takes over the allocated time and you can’t complete it, add it back onto the list with a new time allocation.

I feel for you. It’s very easy to become overwhelmed. But little and often WILL chip away at the work and if you keep chipping away it WILL get done. Ticking that list off each day will become really satisfying.

That's brilliant news OP! As I said earlier, 30 minutes a day in the garden really works for me, the secret though is to do it as often as possible, and then when you have things back into shape, 30 minutes a week may be enough, depending on the season of course. Good luck with your continuing success.