Have been married for many years. Husband is ND, struggles with understanding other peoples point of view, finds communication difficult, struggles with anxiety and social occasions. No problem, we’re compatible, share values and he’s essentially a good person and excellent Dad.
He has been really struggling for a couple of years with health problems, fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, brain fog, recently had a diagnosis of long Covid.
I have been completely supportive mentally and practically. I prepare most if not all meals, as he can’t stand for long, has pain in his wrists amongst other parts of his body, can’t remember what he’s doing etc. I do all laundry and tidying up. This is not the real issue. The problem is he is not entirely appreciative of everything I do for him, his attitude at times when he’s having a bad day is nothing short of entitled and rude. E.g I prepare a meal and all he can say is what’s that? (Eg a wonton on his plate with a stir fry Chinese meal I’ve made).
i tell him to stop being rude and maybe he should make his own food but he misses the point completely and says but I was just asking a question. I explain that the issue is not the question, it’s the fact that the bigger picture is I have gone to the trouble of doing something for him and his manner is unappreciative and rude. He just then looks confused and says he wasn’t rude and that’s just how he talks. This is just an example there are many more but I won’t bore you!
Due to his health concerns, his ‘issues’ seem to be exacerbated. I am finding it really difficult to live with someone who says one thing then behaves in the opposite way. He tells me all the time how much he loves me and appreciates me, how grateful he is that I offer all this support to him, but then he’s rude to me, has no concept of the fact that I have feelings and when I talk to him he just says he doesn’t understand.
i am very clear and unambiguous, I am patient and not overly sensitive, but he’s pissing me off on a daily basis.
He has recently started seeing a therapist for help with dealing with his own issues and how these affect others I.e. me. I am so torn and confused as I recognise he is trying to rectify the problems by seeking help but am at the end of my tether with him.
Even our teenagers have started asking if he’s being an ‘arse’. I couldn’t leave as he seems to be completely reliant on me and I don’t think that’s the right thing to do, but at the same time this is now effecting my own mental.
Does anyone have any strategies I can use to move forward and manage him?