AIBU to pull up this friend group on this?

[ComedicPivot]

I’ve been attending a hobby with a group of 6 women for 7 years. It’s always been on a certain day, at a certain time. It’s part of my weekly routine, I class them as good friends, and I enjoy the activity.

A few weeks ago, one of the group asked the person who runs it, if they could do it a different time that week as they wanted to attend something else at that time. I couldn’t attend at that time due to work and family. She then went on to invite 3 of her friends to join in. They’ve decided they like it, want to join the activity, but the original time doesn’t suit them. So, it seems that they now want to change a long standing commitment to a time that I and another can’t make due to work and family.

Of course, if it suits most people, then I don’t have a leg to stand on, but I feel quite angry about this.

This has happened to me before with the same group of people. We started another activity, and we all paid up for 10 sessions, only to find they didn’t, and I was the only one who coughed up. They then proceeded to drop out over 3 weeks leaving me alone to take the wrath of the coach.

I was talking to my DC and I said to them “ do you ever feel like you want to tell your mates to get stuffed, but then if you did, you’d not have many friends left?” They agreed.

So, I think I’m out of this activity, and a regular thing I do as I can’t make this time. Also, it’s evolved into a couple of people and their mates where originally we came together not knowing each other, and the dynamics have completely changed. It’s now a clique.

I’m pretty sure it’s a done deal, but AIBU to not just leave with my tail between my legs, but say that I think this is pretty shitty?

I would say something but not arsily as that will only stir the pot and they'll get defensive. I'd say:

"Oh no, I can't make Wednesdays, is there anyway we can keep the original timings?"

But I agree with others, it sounds like they aren't nice people and you aren't actually friends. Even those who are staying quiet, it'll be interesting if your message encourages them to say something or if they allow you to take the fall.

If they won't keep the times, I'd post on your local Facebook pages asking if anyone wants to join the hobbies at the time that you CAN do and restart a new group.

£100 says in a few months the new attendees drop out anyway and everyone wishes they hadn't swapped the times.

Just to give another perspective, it sounds like you met these women through the activity and have all done it for 7 years. One of them wanting to do another activity and change the time should be OK, her 3 mates joined so that's 4 of them. After 7 years, that's really OK for them to do. They asked if everyone would like to swap time, which was inclusive of you too. The only issue is that you want to stay as a 10 and can't make the new time. Your post doesn't even say that you've stepped up to say "Actually I can't make that time, can we check with the coach for other options that work for everyone?". So, you're angry - but at people who haven't done anything wrong, tried to include you, and have no idea what's going on in your head.

Take a breath, state that you can't make that slot, and see what happens - rather than just sitting back angrily. You don't know how many others can make the new time, perhaps it'll split 6-4 and your group gets additional members. Nobody will be angry with you "going against" if you're stating factually what dates you can make, only if you turn their wish to add an activity into you being victimised qwerty.

As for "the wrath of the coach", if they were unprofessional enough to blame an adult for other adults not joining the course, you should have left in the first session.

"If anyone is still interested in the original timing, I'm happy to contact the coach to lock that in?"
If anyone responds with a yes etc, then do that and ignore any messages about new times or days.

I think this is reasonable. You need to communicate clearly, OP, not be silently furious.

Agree with @GRex - You are predicting a situation that hasn’t happened but are getting angry at the perceived results. Take it step by step. It might turn out that the one member and her 3 friends go on the other night and the original group stay as they are. Voice your concerns and go from there.

I think I would at least try and say something like, "this new time isn't going to work for me and I'd be really disappointed if I can't be part of the activity any more- any chance we can work something out?"