Co-parent ex was due to look after DS but DS has Covid and ex has asked me to keep DS with me - AIBU to question this?

[Pinksparkles84]

So my ex has DS 3 nights a week and I have put together a rota for the summer holidays (DS is 7 years old). I had DS all of last week until Friday morning when I dropped DS to ex and ex dropped DS off on Monday morning to me. I have been looking after DS this week and DS was due to go back to ex this morning and overnight until tomorrow.

The week I had with DS we went away on a caravan holiday with my mum. On Tuesday this week I tested positive for covid and kept ex in the loop. I tested DS on Tuesday and he was negative. I tested DS yesterday (Thursday) and he is now positive with a bit of a sniffle and feels tired. I let ex know and he text back saying he didn’t want to catch Covid because there aren’t many people in at work and he doesn’t want to catch it. He’s not a vulnerable person and works in retail so probably comes into contact with people with Covid without realising it in the course of his job. I had to explain to DS last night to explain this to him and he ran to his bedroom crying. I guess I am annoyed that ex didn’t mention this when I told him I had Covid on Tuesday and planning ahead if DS had got it. Ex had not said anything about this so I thought he was planning on looking after DS with Covid but took safety measures at home to avoid him getting it. Had I have known his stance on it I wouldn’t have told DS that he was seeing his daddy today and he wouldn’t have got upset. A few friends have had colds recently and weren’t able to test because they couldn’t get hold of them and no one seems to talk about Covid anymore.

AIBU to be annoyed and how do other mums deal with co parenting when Covid is put in the mix.

It matters because COVID is still killing people and colds very rarely do.

This exactly -unless you / someone in your household is classed as extremely critically vulnerable ( you will know because the NHS have classed you as this ) the policy now is not to test.

And this is why covid is so easily spread.

He’s right. You don’t have to be “vulnerable” to feel really unwell with the latest strain.

Well then, problem solved. As long as the virus doesn't know you know it stays put and no spreading occurs. Where was this groundbreaking logic 4 years ago???

Parenting shouldn't be optional. If it's his turn to have DS then that's what should happen, assuming your son is equally happy/well looked after with either parent.

I bet OP would have liked to rest and recover and instead she has to parent solo because ex isn't pulling his weight!

Because many people have family members who are cev

Would you test for flu or a cold ? For the majority of the population treatment is exactly the same - paracetamol, plenty of fluids and rest. Flu can be just as harmful to someone who is extremely critically vulnerable, as can a cold.

Sorry but you chose to test and divulge. Next time just send him.

Yes, if a flu test was readily available I would test for it - absolutely flu kills and not just people who are 'extremely critically vulnerable.'

ICU admissions, ventilators and ECMO are not treatments for colds - the other two, yes. The difference is in degrees of severity. Please educate yourself for the safety of those around you.

Very well educated thankyou caring for a critically vulnerable adult and yes we have avoided Covid throughout the pandemic and beyond by taking sensible precautions - not testing at the first sign of a snivel and staying away from people who are suffering from symptoms of a cold / viral infection. Don’t need a test to recognise if someone has those symptoms so you stay away.

Any disease can kill anybody if they have a bad reaction - even those “mild childhood illnesses”

He is right.

Stop testing unless there is a good reason such as mixing with a vulnerable person etc.
Unfortunately once you test and know its Covid you might find people don't want to be around people who have it

It's the only illness that musters a smidgen of sympathy from the bosses. I'm not expected to be in with COVID, I would be with ebola.

What is your aversion to testing? To be informed of factual reality is not a moral failing. People can spread disease well before symptoms or without symptoms at all.

Any disease can kill anybody if they have a bad reaction - even those “mild childhood illnesses”

Why the quotation marks? What are you referring to? Of course any disease can kill you but equating colds and flu as the same thing is not correct. Again, degrees of severity.

Not quite sure why you are getting so exercised about my point of view. If you want to test, test , but from a personal perspective it makes no difference, if I have symptoms I act responsibly and keep away from others - I don’t need to label it flu / Covid / a cold - it’s just common curtesy to stay away until recovered.

As you point out you can spread illness as you are asymptomatic so what use would testing be for that, and conversely you can still carry a personal viral load which might provide a positive test but you aren’t in fact infectious - yes I have read extensively the scientific research.

I used quotation marks because there is a misconception with some that chicken pox / mumps / measles etc. are nothing to worry about.

You clearly have strong views about testing and that’s fine you are entitled to them, as indeed are those ( including the official advice) that routine testing is no longer necessary in the majority of circumstances.

He's right, ask him to have DS extra once he's well as DS is upset.

😂

I would think that’s an obvious question really.

You could ask why OP decided to test but other people, surely that’s up to them.

We tested our disabled adult son last week as we’d all felt poorly. He tested positive which involved getting him to hospital for IV anti virals.

You’ll know for future OP, don’t give your ex an opportunity to back out of his responsibilities.

Well I think daddy is being reasonable in saying he doesn't want it and doesn't want to spread it about especially working in retail..I work in retail and test myself every other week as I wouldn't want to spread it I would stay at home... your son will see his daddy again once you all are better...maybe suggest a video call with dad each night so he can see him that way

Science is science regardless of your 'point of view'. Crying let's agree to disagree when facts are involved is the epitome of a desperate argument.

I think it’s the same as if you had a tough flu or a vomiting bug- you try not to spread to other households. Of course your son would be upset but then you have to just explain to him it’ll be made up to him another time and things don’t always land the way we hope. Maybe have a nice games night or something with him to make it up. Hope you all feel better soon x

Seems reasonable. He should make up the missed time at another date that suits you.

Do you have to work op? If so it's not fair for you to bear the brunt - both parents need to be on hand to care for sick kids. If you're not working, and your parenting relationship is otherwise good, I can see there might be benefit in banking some goodwill. But the devil, as always, is in the detail.

Because it is still killing