To think this is why it's better to be honest?

[Sallycinammon40]

A guy at work liked one of my colleagues a few months back.
She confided in me that she thought he was very sweet but didn't feel any spark with him at all, but liked him as a friend.
They hung out as friends and then he asked her out.
She told him that she can't date him at work because it's such a bad idea, very risky and so on.
I asked her later on if that was the truth, she laughed and said no, it was just easier than saying she doesn't fancy him.

However he took her for her word apparently, quietly moved on or whatever. Didn't mention it again.
Last Friday it was his leaving party. Turns out he has got a promotion and is moving to another branch.

He told her, I guess getting his hopes up that now they're no longer working together they could date?

Both of us went to the leaving party, and I felt bad for him, I could see the way he looked at her.

She said he texted her a couple of days ago saying he's always liked her, respected her wishes about work but he'd left now so would it change anything?

She's just pretended she's not read the message, and ghosted. Says she'll never see him again so it doesn't matter.

I know she doesn't owe him anything, but I feel bad for him tbh. He didn't do anything wrong, he was respectful and just took her for her word. It just makes me see it's not worth lying about stuff like that.
I asked her if she actually would date someone at work she fancied, and she said yeah, of course.

I just feel like she was a bit cruel, and feel sorry for him. I know he's left now but I feel like she should've just been honest

Yep kind honesty is always the best policy. I never understand why people lie. I would teach this shit in schools.

I imagine there will be a ton of messages saying, she owes him nothing, it's his fault for not getting the hint.

But he only asked her out again once he'd left, as to him she had not said she wouldn't be interested, just that they couldn't date ATM.

Well, in her shoes, I'd have replied civilly, saying that I wished him well, but that I didn't want to date him, but it was his decision to leave the job, assuming she never said 'Quit and I'll be ripping your clothes off in a trice'?

We've all fallen for someone who didn't return our feelings. It happens.

I don't think anyone is suggesting he did anything wrong, though.

Yeah I think replying to him at least would've been kinder, it was harsh to not reply after he laid out his cards on the line.

I guess in his eyes there was a chance they could've dated after he left. I mean, I don't think that's why he left, he genuinely wanted a promotion.

The further mistake is hanging out as a friend if she did it as just the two of them. Because knowing someone fancies you and going to dinner, cinema etc is like dating for the enamoured person. Very mixed signals and she has behaved badly.

I just imagine some people will say it's his fault for not 'reading between the lines'

Yeah, to be fair to her she did stop that once he had asked her out. However I can see prior to that how he might've felt she liked him because she did used to message and hang out with him a lot.

No it’s not his fault.

If she wants an easy out surely she can just say she’s started seeing someone in the meantime. He won’t know otherwise and it’s a polite brush off.

I know what you mean but there are a lot of white lies told in the world, with good intentions, and often they do save people's feelings.

Have you never said you're busy rather than that you don't want to go to a party, or that your child doesn't like the birthday child, or that you desperately need a day off?

The one I absolutely hate is "ooh yes that'd be great. Let me ring you back" and then never ringing. That puts uncertainty/false hope onto the other in a way that "no sorry, can't because x" just doesn't.

Yeah it's a bit of a minefield.. this is the UK where little white lies, politeness and not wanting to offend go hand in hand. She went a bit far with the because of working together line but women especially have more reasons to fear rejected men.

Why are you so bothered? Why do you feel so sorry for a man that's basically nothing to you?

I'm just asking for opinions, you can argue the same about a lot of threads on here.

If a guy I wasn't interested in asked me out I would usually just say I'm seeing someone...did back fire when someone I'd said that to saw me on a dating app, and asked me out again, to which I just said I wasn't interested.

I think we all make excuses when really just, no thanks, should suffice, but often feels awkward especially if face to face

Honestly I sent 'no sorry" to someone I'd been on a date with when I didn't want a second. He said, ok, no problem!

That was it, I didn't need to faff around with stupid excuses.

I must admit I would find it very difficult to hang out with someone if I knew they fancied me (and I didn’t fancy them). It would be so awkward and uncomfortable to me.

True, I think she did fancy him initially but then very suddenly didn't (in her own words?)

I'm single and have no clue about dating tbh but it seems so hard. From what I've seen from friends, it's incredibly fickle.

They lose interest in someone within seconds.

If he's just moved to another branch of same company, surely the polite thing to do is say 'no sorry, we still work for the same company, and I really don't want to date someone I have worked with'

It's the Civil Service and he's moved to another area/department, sorry should've been clearer.

I agree with you
Ghosting people is horrible. Have the decency to tell them the truth.

That’s a lie though. Lying is not the same as being polite..

Yes, but you didn't know him. You went on one date. Your colleague did know this man, enough to hang out with him, and to have briefly found him attractive, and he, clearly liking her over several months fairly consistently, accepted her reason for not dating him, backed off, and, when those circumstances changed, asked her again if she would go out with him. He did nothing wrong. The only thing she's done that seems mean-spirited is not replying civilly to say no. It clearly wasn't a genuine friendship on her part, either, if she's not planning to see him again now he's left her workplace.