Colleague constantly lying

[user879900998]

I have a colleague who I work with who constantly lies about things at work. It started off as just silly little things and then they got worse she would lie about other people to try and stir trouble.
She has recently been diagnosed with cancer and is working until she knows when her treatment will start. She has started lying about her appointments, she will say that she has got to stay in hospital overnight so she needs time off work then when she returns to work she will tell people different stories some that she has stayed in and some that she didn't need too.
I just can't understand why she feels the need to lie about her hospital appointments, everyone understands she needs time off for her appointments so why lie about them. AIBU to be annoyed that she keeps lying?

I guess the key is, was she like this before her diagnosis of cancer?

I knew a serial liar who had a brain tumour and that turned out to be a lie too 😱

Definitely YABU for being annoyed. I can't get worked up about other people living imaginary lives. Especially if it is a work colleague and her lies don't impact on my work.

But these lies do impact on work colleagues.
I had a colleague say his mother was taken ill in remote india which took days to reach. His father then had a heart attack as well We sent us all the struggles getting his parents home. I had to do his work for a month ? He accidently copied his work email that was in bali having an extended holiday.
We of course had all been worrying for him and covering his work. It was horrible and felt so let down. He lied about so much.

I used to work with a woman like that, she was a prolific, compulsive liar, you just couldn't believe a word she said, coupled with being an elevenerifer too
She caused more trouble with colleagues than enough.
Her most jaw dropping lie was when she said that she had been promoted to team leader, but our manager didn't want anyone to know, so she was paid the salary difference in cash every month. I actually laughed in her face when she came out with that one and told her to stop insulting my intelligence.
Another one was that her husband was a wealthy self employed man. Think Del boy. He used to bring her to work in a clapped out old van with a hand painted logo on the sides, with spelling mistakes.
Then she couldn't remember what lie she had told to who, so was constantly tripping herself up.
It was draining.
She left us to go be a nursing sister in the local hospital. No training, no university, no experience in the medical world at all, but she was leaving us on the Friday to start that role on the Monday 😂

Definitely YABU for being annoyed. I can't get worked up about other people living imaginary lives. Especially if it is a work colleague and her lies don't impact on my work.

it does affect op if this person is spreading lies about people in the workplace.

I had a colleague who pretended to have cancer. Her village raised money for her and eventually it came out that it was a lie. However she still used the excuse of hospital appointments to check on the 'tumour'. She lied about her children too, breaking legs, falling down stairs at school, you name it. She was a dangerous person. Do you know for sure that she actually has cancer?

Still no reason to get annoyed. There is management, there is HR... being annoyed does not solve anything.

Well, if she was just your typical Billy Bullshitter, then I'd ignore it. If someone wants to make an idiot of themselves making up nonsense about owning a yacht or seeing ghosts or talking about the time they foiled a plot to assassinate the Queen or pretending they used to be a champion shot-putter, then 'Meh, whatever' is probably the right response as it doesn't actually impact on anyone else; it's just irritating but harmless nonsense.

But it DOES impact on others if her lying is getting her time off work that she's not entitled to - partly because others might have to cover for her or be denied their own time off because she's not around, but also because she's routinely lying about being ill/having appointments and then just taking the day off to enjoy herself, she's effectively getting free annual leave that nobody else is getting, which is just massively unfair. I'd resent that too, if it was happening frequently.

The OP says her friend also "lies about other people to stir up trouble" so it sounds like it's a lot more than just someone who's a bit of a Walter Mitty. It's not just 'living an imaginary life'. She's manipulating situations in real life, and in a way that does affect others.

OP - I know this sounds awful, but are you sure she does actually have cancer? Because at this point, sad though it is to say, I would be suspicious.

Nobody said it solves anything, but it is a natural human response. People feel the way they feel. It's not possible to glide serenely through life never being cross about things that are having a negative impact.

Being annoyed with the plumber who fucked up our boiler repair isn't going to fix my boiler, either, but I'm still annoyed about it. 'Don't worry, be happy' is not actually a realistic mantra by which any normal, healthy person can live their life 24/7. It is normal to be annoyed by things which are having a negative impact on yourself on others, and if it wasn't, nobody would have ever have any impetus to do anything about them.

She doesn't have cancer 😉

If you think this is a lie to get time off work, check whistleblowing procedures.

Didn’t she have to give her manager any confirmation that she is undergoing treatment for cancer, even if it is only tests at this stage?

Tell her manager you want them to confirm your colleague’s diagnosis.

Then once the manager has satisfied your concerns you either ask them what disciplinary action they are going to take against her - if she has lied, or if she is telling the truth cut her the same amount of slack as her manager is.

@Lurkingandlearning
No manager is going to disclose someone's medical appointment and diagnose with anyone. Very unprofessional.

Guess OP is going to have to mind her own business then

I find compulsive liars quite fascinating.

There was one at each of the secondary schools I went to and the lies were just SO outrageous and easy to disprove (e.g one said she had 400 dogs) that I don't know how they say them with a straight face.