A thank you for a thank you?

[Sweetteaplease]

I often like to get a card and/or small gift when someone has done sometime nice or kind for me or my family.
Three examples where I have dropped a gift off and not given directly to the person.
One was my DC swimming teacher (this was at Christmas so she may have had many), one was to the teachers at the holiday programme (these were small packets of fancy biscuits, so nothing amazing), one was to a nurse who squeezed us in an appointment which saved me taking my 3 yo to A&E.
Would you have expected a thank you? I'm not bothered in that I'm glad I have it as I wanted to and wanted them to know they are appreciated but just an acknowledgement would seem nice. AIBU?

If you hand a thank you gift over in person then it'd be usual for the other persons to say thanks, but not really otherwise. You're the one thanking them, they don't need to thank you for doing so.

I think it’s bizarre to expect a thank you for a thank you. Particularly in the case of the nurse. You wanted to give her extra work writing a thank you card and getting it to you because you wanted to thank her for helping you out? How does that make any sense?

Thanks this is what I wanted to hear. Oh no, don't want a thank you card! I thought a thanks from the people when I saw them next. Neither acknowledged it. And from the nurse, just a call, but I get your point there being busy.

I think when you expect a thank you for a thank you, then you have given the gift/card for the wrong reasons. It’s like you want to be acknowledged for being nice, rather than just thanking them for what they have done IYSWIM.

I definitely don't want to acknowledge being nice, and I would do it again. I just found it odd. If someone gave me a gift, I'd say thanks the next time I saw them. But I get everyone is difference, hence my question/this thread

The examples you have used - teachers and nurses are the types of people who would get multiple gifts from people though and wouldn’t necessarily remember who they were from.
I worked in a school and was the type to read every label on gifts I received, but other staff often put things like biscuits they had received in the staff room for everyone to share and didn’t really notice who they were from.
I think your expectations are too high.

I do feel a bit weird now, the last one was the nurse. I got her a small bunch of flowers and some chocolates. I wonder if it seemed OTT 😳

I think your OP did sound rather as though you wanted a thank you for your thank you. That would be bizarre, and where would it ever stop?

As far as I am concerned if people just thank in person on receiving something then that is fine. Nothing else required.

I wouldn't have expected a thank you at all from the nurse. Yes, she did you a sort of favour, but she was still doing her job and shouldn't be wasting time writing, posting or delivering thank you cards

I wasn't really into all of the gifts for teachers stuff - not my thing so I rarely did it. I grew up with teacher parents and there were so many little gifts (boxes of sweets etc.) that nobody was ever sure where they had even come from, not to mention the lack of time etc. So no replies there.

Thanks everyone, I was BU. Shortest thread ever 🤣

Nice for her to receive, but I would call it OTT. Yes, maybe she did do you a bit of a favour, but she was still just doing her job. I would just have thanked her verbally at the time and nothing else.

Yes @Sweetteaplease you cannot expect a thank you for your thank you, it should end there. I DO get thank yous in my line of work and often say "that's lovely, thank you, you didn't need to" etc. but only if I get them in person, when I don't (get them in person) I sometimes email to say how nice it was to get a thank you, but not always (for a million reasons) but my rule of thumb is you give a thank you, and that is that. x

OK that's good to know. Do you like getting a thank you card and/or gift? I think it's nice when people are appreciated but then I'm not sure if now it's seen as OTT. I remember when I was in a customer service facing role that it would mean a lot

It wasn't just a favour, I thought my child had a serious injury. Reception told me I'd have to go to A&E which could have been 6+ hours wait but she managed to slot me in. I'm eternally grateful.

These are all professionals doing their job. It's lovely that you thanked them and they will have appreciated it but it would be strange for them to ring you or send a card as that's quite a personal thing to do and could be considered inappropriate (particularly if they have access to your contact details through work only.)

If they had seen you in the time immediately after receiving your gift it's likely they would have given verbal thanks.

You sound lovely. A little card like that would make my day. I would definitely intend to thank the person the next time I saw them.

I think it's really thoughtful of you to acknowledge people who have helped you and your family and I dont think your thank you gifts are OTT.

I wouldn't expect a thank you back though, especially as you gave them to a third party to pass on. They're all probably really busy and just didn't think about it when they next saw you - nothing to feel bad about.

Whilst it is nice to be nice, a token little gift for a teacher (who probably received lots of gifts) is fine but the thankyou would have probably been said to your child, not you considering you didn't actually hand them over to the teacher. The gift for the nurse is a bit bizarre as it was just an appointment, it would be different if your child had been in hospital and they had looked after them 🤷‍♀️

Yes YABU all this thank you for a thank you ends up in a chain that never bloody ends!!!

Sounds like you're giving for the kudos and attention, rather than the joy of giving itself?

You could go on forever u are been v unreasonable

I really don’t think you’re being reasonable to expect a busy nurse to call you to say thank you for a gift you sent her… are you very friendly with her that she has your phone number outside of work? As otherwise I’m not sure why you expect her to look up your phone number etc and ring you when she has a million other things to do! I’m sure they were all appreciated but no, you can’t expect a thank you if you didn’t hand it to them in person.

Are nurses even allowed to look up your details for none medical reasons?
I think YABU to expect an obviously busy nurse to call you to say thank you.

I think it was kind to send her a thank you gift, but flowers and chocolates does seem a bit much for squeezing you into an appointment.
A "thank you, I'm very grateful!" at the time would probably have been enough.

So the only reason you're giving a thank you gift is so you feel good when they thank you?

I hate it when people say "you didn't need to" it sounds like a rejection.