To be a bit annoyed with DH

[FreightTrain]

DH and I have a five week old DD. We also own a business that is stressful and challenging to manage.

I am largely off work but squeeze about 1-1.5 days worth of wfh in through the week around baby care and the bit of housework I manage to do. Because of this I haven't managed to get to get to any of the classes that are on my radar.

DH is a very active person. He's signed himself up for a couple of marathons later this year and as he's very competitive, he's doing a significant amount of training for them, which is fine as he's fitting runs in at convenient times that we've agreed. It's good for his MH, so I'm on board.

However, this week he's decided to reinstate a couple of his more time consuming hobbies which has him out of the house for 4-5 hours tonight and a further 3-4 hours on Tuesday including dinner with his mates afterwards. If I asked him not to go, he wouldn't go, but I don't want to be unreasonable.

He's a great, hands on Dad - he willingly takes on a lot of DD's physical care e.g nappy changes, baths. He has also done the lions share of the housework and cooking since she came along.

AIBU to be a bit pissed off that he's out doing three separate hobbies and because of our business and our baby I can't even seem to get along to the bloody buggy fit class that's on once a week?

If he's got a spare it's not 9 hours every week, but it is 9 hours this week (+running!) every week, he could easily do the work for the business that you’re doing every week instead.

That frees up your day to get to the buggy class.

So are you day Ng he's not going to settle her for the next year or more? Try expressing and go out.

Nope! EBF does not mean default nor does it give a free pass for the other to do as they wish!

It's about tackling it as a team which means when he's not working he's giving you a bit of downtime or a nap etc whilst he has baby. That's what a good dad does recognise that it's constant and helps together as a duo.

Your downtime doesn't mean you have to go out it can just be having a bath in peace. The point is it should be equal amounts of downtime. If you don't install it now this will be your pattern then you will be solo parenting whilst every weekend they are out all day doing their hobbies and you get zero downtime.

You need to sit down with your husband and work out a schedule for both of you to have some 'me' time. Having that time to yourself, to just be you, is important. It may be that your husband doesn't know how you feel, and isn't deliberately being insensitive to your needs. Don't forget to have some 'couple' time too, as it's equally important for your relationship. Even if it's once a month.

What housework has to be on a set day other than dinner?

It's not housework, I have a job...

Tell him as he's carved out so much time for himself, you're on maternity leave completely so you can get a bit of me time as well so he'll have to pick up the slack at work.

If he objects then ask him how to make things fair

YANBU

You are technically on maternity leave and as the mother will have the baby more.

But he is as much of a parent as you are and you should get just as much downtime as he does.

During work hours, the baby is your responsibility.
But in the evenings and weekends, the parenting and housework should be 50/50.

If it means creating a physical timetable so you can divide your free time equally, then so be it.
And of course have some family time too.

This is a slippery slope as he will continue to fill his time and be out of the home more and more.

Baby is only 5 weeks, don’t pressure yourself that you need to be doing classes, things will get much easier as feeds become more regular and longer between. Make sure DH is aware he is taking so many hours for himself and to expect it needs to be more equal in future.

AIBU to be a bit pissed off that he's out doing three separate hobbies and because of our business and our baby I can't even seem to get along to the bloody buggy fit class that's on once a week?

Whats stopping you though? And why is it linked to him doing two bigger things totalling 9 hours this week, which you admit isn’t common?
If he’s doing the bulk of the housework and you are working 1/1.5 days a week why do you have no time for a class?

He needs to learn how to settle her! Otherwise it will be you, every time!

If your work is what is taking up the time in the business you run with him then you need to address that with him. Your baby is so small, you should be taking leave. Surely someone else can pick up your work to let you recover from birth and care for your baby?

I agree completely with this. Do it now before it becomes the norm and you get resentful as hell

Get a temp in to cover your work and take proper leave to recover from giving birth! You don't get this time back.