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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is it ok to be in your 30s and not want to settle down?

6 replies

Reasonstobebeautiful · 01/08/2024 18:21

I am single. Basically, I'm not good at attracting men, and that's ok, it doesn't make me any less of a person.

People say I am very physically attractive, a lovely person, intelligent, funny etc. I do believe I have stuff going for me, but men just often don't feel the spark or want a long-term relationship.

I've spent years feeling depressed and beating myself up about that. Truthfully I just find dating and relationships very hard, there is a lot of compromise involved and I find that men often get bored after a few years.

There is too much expectation to be who they want you to be.
I would like to have a child, but I'm aware that will be a lot harder on my own.
Being single has many advantages and I do think I prefer it, it's just the social pressure and seeing pretty much everyone else around me coupled up.

OP posts:
OhBumBags · 01/08/2024 18:23

Who do you think is going to say, "No, it's not ok"?

Just do you, and I'm sure you'll be happy.

EveningSpread · 01/08/2024 18:28

You can live whatever life you want!

But from your OP, it doesn’t seem like a case of not wanting to “settle down” (whatever that means: usually stable housing, marriage and kids, and you say you want the last one while I’m guessing you have the first) but of being disillusioned with relationships.

Do you think you’ve had bad models and experiences so far? Or is a disinclination to a relationship coming from a positive place of self-knowledge?

StripedPiggy · 01/08/2024 18:28

Of course it is. Just be yourself & forget about ‘social pressure’. I can assure you that most of that is in your own head, anyway.

Being very happily childfree by choice myself, I know a bit about doing your own thing in life & not wanting to be ‘normal’, whatever that means.

savethatkitty · 01/08/2024 18:57

When I was single, a friend (long time married) told me "being married isn't all it's cracked up to be". Now that I've been married a long time, I understand what my friend meant. Being single has many advantages. Don't compare yourself to others. Most would probably love the freedom you have (but wouldn't openly admit it).

Olika · 01/08/2024 19:12

Of course you can be on your own at any age if that's what you want. I never wanted a relationship until my mid 30s when one day i just woke up and felt differently and I started online dating and spent 3 years trying to meet the right person to marry (which I did). If you don't feel like it then just enjoy being single. 😊

Yourdemonsyourproblem · 01/08/2024 19:30

Absolutely as Ms Bradshaw said "your 30s are for the lessons"

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