To think not everything is sensory seeking

[Tiggersjo8]

Came out of a meeting earlier with the senco from DS nursery. She asked me how does he relax/calm down. I told her he loves stroking my arms and has done since being very young. Her reply was “oh yes that’s sensory seeking”

I left feeling a bit deflated as everything I told her there was a negative spin on it. She’s lovely and I am grateful for the help she gives but I’d love for DS to be able to do something with it being labelled

How is that a negative spin?

It feels like you are trying to come to terms with what they’re trying to tell you about neurodivergence. It’s a hard road.

That is sensory seeking. It’s not negative it’s just a description.

Maybe I am BU it’s just hard to hear I guess. No reason for it. Just feels hard

Even nt children and adults sensory seek. It's a normal thing but it presents differently in an nd individual

That isn't a negative spin

I don't think sensory seeking is necessarily a negative thing or indicative of neuro diversity (which is also not necessarily negative, but obviously can be difficult to adapt to). My 4yo is sensory seeking - sucks her thumb, rubs her ears, rubs our ears and noses for comfort, loves a hug. Always been like that, but no concerns around SEN.

You are taking it as a label when it’s just naming behaviour. We all sensory seek to some degree. It’s not a negative thing that is only associated with SEN.

Ok then maybe it’s not necessarily a negative thing and maybe I am in denial

It’s all just confusing at the moment

I bet.

Do you want to share more? I don't have much experience myself but there's a wealth of knowledge on here.

Likewise, don't feel you need to share if you don't want to.

I have been where you are and the initial comments included “he’s quite self contained” and “check his hearing because his responses are not the same as his peers” (hearing is fine)

It took me years to be able to accept the road we were on. But something clicked and I realised he is still the same little gorgeous boy he always was and that’s that.

I really feel for you.

@WickieRoy So DS started nursery in January. (He was 3 in feb) I knew before he started that he wasn’t where he should be in terms of development. He was severely speech delayed but other than that there weren’t any other issues as he was able to understand instructions, pointed etc. I told nursery all of this when he started and they told me they’d work with me.

Further down the line I was told to expect a possible diagnosis of autism. I was really taken aback as it wasn’t something I was expecting and thought it was just a speech delay. Since then my mind has been a bit all over the place. Not afraid to admit it upset me. Then monthly meetings. Them telling me how he’s been getting on at nursery and vice versa.

Everything I feel is positive I get knocked down because it means “xyz” if that makes sense.

No problem at all if he is autistic of course, it’s just a bit of a punch in the gut

Oh OP. Big hugs. Yes, it’s a blow to the guts. Everyone just wants their child’s life to be charmed and easy. I felt like I was being plunged into freezing water over and over. My only advice is lean in. Lean in as far and as hard as you can.

I mean, they are seeking a sensation, so it IS sensory seeking 🫤.

Whyh are you offended by the terminology? Is it because you associate the term with disorders such as autism? Do you see this as a negative? Sensory seeking is perfectly normal. It’s just a descriptor that lets you recognise what your child may need.

@Tiggersjo8 is he being seen by SLT for speech delay? Not every child with a speech delay is autistic, it's such a wide spectrum. Sounds like they're very quickly jumping to autism without even giving any time

I get it OP. You see it as a sign of affection so it being described as sensory seeking must have felt dismissive. But I am sure it can be both things together!

@Icannoteven Not offended as such, just a bit of a shock. As I said maybe a bit of denial. And I’m not saying autism is a negative thing but obviously I’d prefer it if it wasn’t that.

@Devilsmommy SALT were involved when he was around 18 months. I did something called more than words course. Completed it and then heard nothing since. Nursery are the only people that are involved at the moment

Read the room a bit and gently, give over.

I do think you may need to try and reframe your thinking a little.

I'm Autistic, as is DD. If she wants to stroke my arm, then I know that it's because she loves me, feels safe, it's comforting and helps her relax. It absolutely is also sensory seeking. And there's nothing wrong with that.

There are various words and phrases we all use for doing comforting and nice things. 'Pampering' 'Self Care' and 'Comfort Food' spring to mind.

Try not to think of it as labels, as you will drive yourself crazy.

I do understand that acceptance of ND 'differences' take time. It's all about adjusting and being realistic. It was perhaps easier for me to do this as I'm Autistic too so I get it. (And I'm very pragmatic)

Be kind to yourself.

Thanks everyone. A lot of points to take on board. It’s just hard when you wasn’t expecting it

It's not a negative spin at all, it's a normal part of autism. My son throws things. Quite honestly I wish he stroked my arm.

@TheFormidableMrsC He does that too, he’s quite a handful. But can be very sweet at the same time. Not trying to come across as “I have it worse than you” by the way. Just new to all of this. He’s my second child, by far harder than oldest DS.

I can see how it might be a bring-down when your child strokes your arm and you think 'ahh how sweet' and then some childcare pro tells you it's “sensory seeking”.

@SeeSeeRider yes I think it was that

But he won't do it to a stranger he will do it to you and safe adults it's still a sweet thing