Sending presents 1 month in advance

[Sailawaygirl]

Just need to rant a little , I am also aware that it is also really a non issue but ..
MIL (DH is low contact) always sends DH Birthday present over a month in advance. Her Birthday is a week before his and we have always felt this is a not so subtle reminder to remember her birthday!!!. (he has never forgot ). She is very Birthday orientated and once cried for days when her children were going to give her a surprise birthday so they hid the presents and cards for the day . She used to go through everyones bedroom to 'check' they had got her an expensive enough present and once broke down in tears when my DH (when aged about 6) hand made a card and hand picked flowers for her because 'he hadn't bought her anything'. When I first met DH it was around his birthday (he was still living at home) and she called all her relatives to 'not get him any presents because he was too old now for presents' (this was his 18th and he feels she was annoyed that his 18th would overshadow her birthday).

DH always finds it rude that his present and card arrives so early and for a while we both thought she had actually forgotten what month his birthday was because it always came 5 weeks before his actual birthday. DH is never bothered with Birthdays and is more of a 'its the thought that counts' so wants a nice card and/or something small and meaningful. I like to make a fuss on birthdays but equally don't mind if i just get a text for cards arrive late etc, so i guess we clash with MIL in expectations and approach.

Just had a message from MIL to say his Birthday present is in the post so he gets it before we go on holiday. However we aren't going on holiday and haven't shared holiday plans with family anyway (actually came back a 2 weeks ago). Its 4 weeks before his birthday ! and we are actually seeing her 3 days after his birthday.

I just don't get it and equally i don't understand why it winds me (and DH) up so much!!! I know we just need to be graceful and DH will message her to tell her when something arrives in post and he will of course message to say thank you when he opens it. We haven't posted her present yet!! or actually bought it but there will in time for the week of her birthday. Should we be sending it now though if she is going to worry for 4 weeks about where her present is and how big the box is?

Don't change your behaviour, that will just feed into her ridiculous expectations.

This is weird attention-seeking and quite juvenile behaviour and anxiety, It is just odd of her. I'd also find it strange that a present arrives so early before a birthday - especially as it's from his mother so she knows exactly which date in the month it is!

Take her present with you when you visit. You don't need to send it weeks before her birthday since you are seeing her. You are encouraging her behaviour in relation to birthday presents by doing anything else.

@Pr1mr0se @TimeForTeaAndG
thank you. I guess we are so used to it that I was worrying that we were committing a birthday faux par.

I also hate the thought of MIL bad mouthing my DH to rest of family regarding this, but I hope they can see this is odd too?

I'm sure they will.

I imagine the early arrival of DH’s birthday present winds you up because it’s almost as though it sets a clock ticking for you to buy the impossible perfect-peach-from-the-tree-at-the-end-of-the-world type present that it sounds as though your MIL is expecting. Just send it when you’re ready, or take it if you’re seeing her. People are very different about presents - my grandmother used to be, and my sister is obsessive about birthdays and I don’t really understand it, but if it’s so important to them, I’ll do my best. If people forgot my birthday, or sent me something that arrived more or less in the right month, that’s fine. For my 60th birthday, I asked my children to buy a present, but for themselves rather than for me, and then send me a WhatsApp message with what they’d decided to get, and I was hugely amused by both my sisters’ responses, that their children would be crushed and disappointed by such a request because they would “want” to buy their mother a birthday present. Really???

@sesquipedalian thats such a lovely idea!!

We diffidently don't aim for the best present and try and stick to out values of something meaningful, helpful or interesting, often something can be made (think soap kits, crafts candles) we got her a weird one last year which was expensive but it was something that DH really likes to make and eat. She got us a really shit xmas present so we weren't sure if it was revenge ? 😂
She tends to get something that is trending or advertised of facebook - so often nothing that DH is interested in or something that might look good on the facebook ad but shit in real life. But she has given us some lovely stuff too and i know shes really liked some of the things we have got her.