To isolate myself to get back control of my weight?

[JulyMume]

I’m very overweight right now. I’m 4 stones heavier now than I was when I gave birth to my youngest child 5 years ago! The weight just crept up over covid and never went away.

I’ve noticed whenever I see anyone I overeat no matter how nice the day went. Just recently I lost 7lb! 2 weeks ago but then I had my eldest daughters friend over and she’s lovely and the mum is lovely only saw her at pick up and drop off but I felt kind of deflated and sad the next day so I overate. Got back on the diet the next few days then had a play date with youngest school friend and again had a lovely day but straight after I over ate. Yesterday had a different playdate for youngest and the mum came with biscuits tin and I felt really sad in the evening and ate whole tin!

what is going on with me? Should I just avoid any social contact for at least a week? My kids will be fine as enough to do such as go to park, go to arts and crafts etc. so they will have social interactions and I can just sit there reading my book or go for a walk whilst they doing activities. I just can’t deal with people at the moment. I’ve been wondering whether I am an empath as I seem to pick up emotions really quickly and take them on board but then again it doesn’t happen when it’s just me and kids. My emotions are stable when it’s just us but they seem out of control when I’m around others who I have to interact with.

just to note since the string of play dates I’ve gained back the 7 pounds I lost plus put on another 3 lb! So I’m 10 lb heavier than I was

Sounds like you are tired?! I definitely found this when working shifts if I did nights I'd always overeat - I think your body is looking for energy from elsewhere when lacking sleep. For me I also ate when thirsty - I was mistaking that often for hunger. Drinking, then trying a high protein snack, and only eating more after giving some time helped me. Best of luck to you xx

I’m not sure that’s logical. Why would you be an empath. Sounds like you’re lonely with no friends of your own, so put a lot of store in play dates to get your social fix, and when it’s just short and over, you feel sad.

so maybe think of ways to do the opposite, develop a social circle and social life of your own?

Truthfully I don’t enjoy the play dates. I think that must be it. I know the play dates are just for the kids not me! I think PP might be right I think they make me feel exhausted then after I over indulge. I don’t feel like that with family as you don’t have to put a face on but with “strangers” you have to put on a different face and act different - hope that makes sense! I’m trying to put it into words but it’s difficult for me.

No social isolation isn’t a healthy way to loose weight. You need to work through what’s making you sad and why you are then comfort eating around that.

Isolating yourself will make this trend worse.

I don’t think you need to avoid people, but just be mindful of the pattern, and change it. If you feel sad or deflated then make yourself a cup of tea, read a book, send a text, browse mumsnet - make a new habit that doesn’t involve over eating, which will make you feel worse.
I’m not promoting any particular weight loss group but I am a member of one since December last year and I’ve finally been able to lose 2 stone (another 2 to go). I find the support, advice, and inspiration of the group brilliant, and I know in some areas you can get a free 12 week referral from your doctor. Good luck!

Thank you! I think that makes a lot of sense. Can you please send me details of the group? You can PM Zif you don’t want to write in this thread. Thank you

I think you could use some therapy to get to the bottom of why you do this.

I don’t think isolating yourself is the solution here, if your comfort eating then you are likely to do this more if you isolate yourself. I would prep a healthy meal (something you will really enjoy) for after the play date to avoid temptation of eating junk

Social isolation isn't the answer, but understanding why you eat your emotions is.

I have, in the past, used social interactions as a way to serve treats. But, there are just so many of them! We know a lot of people and with 4DC, most days I saw people! I noticed a lot of the parents politely refused whatever treats I put out whereas I filled my boots.

I also snacked late in the evening when watching tv as I was bored.

Becoming aware of your habits, why these habits have been created and then being determined to tackle them is the answer. If that means reducing social contact, then so be it. But not all together. (I often find a way to skip events, such as a village fair last night when DH and DC ate sausages and chips... I stayed home because I didn't have the energy and had a bath, went to bed instead).

Also, think about the food you are eating and the dopamine hits that your brain is receiving. I am currently reading ultra processed people, and wow, it is eye opening!

I find that i need to be really conscious about what I am eating and why. So you know that after a play date you will over eat so you need to ask yourself do i need this food, why am i eating it. I can hoover up a bar of chocolate because i need to satisfy something in my emotions. I often realise afterwards as it actually has not made me feel better. It is good to get into a habit of asking yourself why do I want this, am i hungry or am i filling an emotional hole. Not easy at all but when I do it I eat much better and less.

Maybe instead of isolating yourself. Get a rowing machine or running machine and use if at home for an hour everyday, that's if you have time to. I appreciate you may be too busy and have your hands full. I don't think social isolation is the way to go, that sounds like a punishment.

I don’t know how to explain it but I have binge eating tendencies and would often gorge myself on things as soon as friends left if they’d been over. I couldn’t tell you what emotion I was feeling at that time or why, it it was definitely a trigger.

im somewhere between an introvert and extrovert i think. I can get melancholy on my own but i do find socialising draining sometimes.

I would also recommend the Brain over Binge podcast and book. It’s quite a different approach to overeating and has really helped me.

@User364837 thats exactly me! I am in between an introvert and extrovert. Did you manage to ever work out why you binge after meeting friends? What helped reduce or get rid of the urge?

The funny thing is when people are over or I go to meet people I am so in control that I pass up treats or anything really and then I’m private I gorge myself on the same things.

Watching with interest as my life is similar. I find I eat as a stress reaction.

Sorry to hear this. Can you give an example of the feelings you get before you eat? For me it’s emptiness and feeling I did something wrong (social anxiety?) and just ruminating over the conversations etc.

I’ve tried lots of things over the years, has some therapy and really tired to delve into underlying causes. Helped me understand but my behaviour still didn’t really change.
the Brain over Binge approach is more that although there might be issues, the urges themselves aren’t because of some big underlying issue you have to fix. The urges are just urges - a natural primitive response your brain does that for our ancestors kept them nourished. So “all” you have to do is dismiss the urge and not give it the time of day. She explains it much better than me but that’s the gist. It’s also about self acceptance and not getting into a diet or deprivation and binge cycle.

that has helped me.

before that I found that eating low carb stopped me binging as my blood sugar level was much more constant.

still my weight goes up and down a bit and full disclosure I am currently taking Mounjaro which I’m also finding good as it is balancing out my blood sugar and has (almost) totally taken away the urge to binge

I wonder whether you are using the word "Empath" incorrectly?
You recognise that people/socialising triggers dysfunctional eating patterns in you.
It sounds more that you have social anxiety that you are self medicating with food. It doesn't matter whether it went well or was lovely, or not...the underlying anxiety is causing you to 'drown' or ' celebrate' the fact that you've achieved a social interaction. That is quite common.
By using the word "Empath", I wonder if you're deflecting the emotions away from you, a case of..."Oh, I take on so many feeling of others, etc", rather than recognising these feelings are in fact your own, and they aren't comfortable feelings, so you seek either extra comfort in eating or even seek to press the self destruct button ( undoing your previous motivated behaviour).
It's really uncommon but maybe take a moment to really scrutinise your feeling around social interaction and eating. Good luck OP, it sounds like your on your way to understanding yourself better.🌻

I have autism and adhd. I find social situations quite challenging, even fairly innocuous ones, and definitely binge eat after them. I think the food calms me, probably dopamine-related.
Do you have any neurodiversity stuff going on that could be contributing to social difficulties?

common Not uncommon

I do think I use food as a way to calm myself. I feel really deprived if I don’t.

I wonder if the gorging after is a direct response to the control during those times? Like now you're in private you can have what you want or reward yourself with food. Eating a little during interactions might help break the dynamic. I tend to eat more after certain interactions, like having to deal with my ex. I tend to over think after and feel anxious interacting with people I don't know very well and food or online shopping soothes that feeling, briefly. It's a dopamine hit. If it helps you cope

I think it's just like the world around me gets too busy and chaotic and it's like a self protection thing or a distraction. Also bear in mind food gives us dopamine! Albeit a short term burst.

I do find that if I am regularly exercising I get my dopamine through that and am less inclined to eat.