To just want my head and it all to stop

[stoppingtheroundabout]

I suffer from anxiety which is increasingly debilitating, usually focused on DD10s health. Have been doing CBT but today, I’ve reached rock bottom.

DD was at an indoor play center with DM for an hour and, on collecting them, I realised that the place and her hands reeked of creosote, a wood preservative which is banned for use as it’s carcinogenic. When I asked, the center said that they reused railway sleepers in the play area but have had them ‘treated’ so they are safe. A quick google indicates that the fumes and the liquid itself is toxic and carcinogenic after long term exposure. There is no effective treatment.

I know that there is nothing that I can do now. And that the risk is small - I hope - as it was an hour or two exposure. But I haven’t stopped worrying since, it’s all consuming - googling, lying in bed looking up statistics and research papers. I called in sick to work. Sent DD over for tea next door. It’s like my head is stuck.

I suspect that I know what the answer is but I need to hear this from others I think. So please can you post if (1) this a real risk that you would worry about and (2) whether this an anyway normal response?

thank you very much

Have to agree with @Mongrelsrbeautiful that citalipram long term helped with my intrusive thoughts (because that's what this is). The first step is admitting this is an issue @stoppingtheroundabout. You have my unbound sympathy; intrusive thoughts and getting "stuck" like this is life ruining. Go and see your GP. Good luck! There's a different life out there. You can do this.

Please seek additional help, for yourself and your child.

My mother's anxiety ruined my childhood. I am 44 now, and I haven't seen her in five years. We have a visit scheduled for this summer, and I am terrified. I'm scared to be around her, in case I do or say tlsomethjng that triggers her and starts a spiral.

Obviously, this is not the relationship you want with your daughter. If medication can help you, please pursue that. She's still so young and you still have so much time to create a mentally safer experience for her.

This is my childhood too. I actually painted it on fences for my dad on our farm. I still know the smell. My siblings and l are all in our 60s..hail and hearty.i would make a written complaint though as its not good to see kids coming out of a play area smelling of creosote.

I wouldn't put it on FB.

The owner said it's safe and treated.

The way that the OP has described the smell as being all pervasive on the owner's hands and clothes makes me suspect her (the OP's) judgement particularly when considering her anxiety.

Report to the council if you feel the need but don't name and shame on FB as there is no proof at all. That's someone's business.

OP your gp is wrong - please see another. It’s actually recommended you take anti depressants while doing cbt to make it easier to break unhelpful patterns. For ocd it’s even approved for use in small children for this reason. Although just remember when starting anti depressants the thoughts can for a brief time get worse before they get better so you have to be extra careful of self harm during this period.

we have a lot of ocd in my family unfortunately . We also have a lot of neurodiversity. Most common inattentive adhd where you have a busy mind and it thinks of many things at once.

ocd is a mental illness and you have to learn what are ocd thoughts and what are not. Once you recognise you are having an intrusive thought the best way to move forward is to identify the worst case scenario and accept it.you are worried your daughter has been poisoned by this chemical? You are just going to have to say to yourself there is zero you can do about what just happened and move on.

you need to learn to tell yourself everything is ok and self soothe - because your mind will only believe yourself it won’t believe others which is why you will be seeking repeated reassurance.

you can do this because you care about your daughter. Your love for your daughter is stronger than your intrusive thoughts - do you believe this? If you think about this I think you will agree and I hope you use this thought to stay strong because there is something much worse at stake here than your daughter touching this wood - it’s her modelling your anxious behaviour and possibly developing intrusive thought behaviour from you.

@Heyheyitsanotherday you’re right with wanting the anxious thoughts validated but then discounted. Thinking about it, I don’t know what I’m hoping to get from posting - its the unreal scenario of it’s accredited life-long expert in chemicals / telling me that there is no cancer risk because of X,Y, Z. I think it’s @Franjipanl8r’s and @RedWinePoliticsAndHair point of fixating to the point it made me ill and life thinkingfor all risks, no matter how small.

@ittakes2 I had only thought of anxiety but remembering now that DB was taking meds for OCD for years so maybe you’re right and it’s both. I will see a different practice GP and chat with them about it.

@stormywhethers321 I actually cried when I read your post as this is me and DD in the future, she’s already showing signs of it. I am so sorry that your relationship ended up like that - maybe your mother was like me and really trying and just couldn’t see a way through. That doesn’t really make it better for you though.

So glad for Mumsnet support as feel better about a GP conversation. Thank you all for replying and advice <hugs>

Just wanted to chime in that your story is just like mine, I found your post because I’m currently obsessing about something that happened last year. My son may have got some creosote on his skin when he was 2, it was a wood stain and we were at a holiday home at a farm so I’ve jumped to it being creosote. I remember it was like black paint/oil and was hard to get off. I want to remember all the details, did I wash it all off, where was it, did he get more that I didn’t wash off, did any food fall on the wood that he ate? I can’t remember and that frustrates me the most. I look back on all my pictures again and again.

just reading what you’re saying, I do all these things, I want to contact the owner to find out for sure but part of me understands it’s not right but part of me keeps saying ‘what if’

I developed OCD in my pregnancy, I’m convinced my older son will get cancer because of me. Now my youngest is 6 months and all I obsess about is my oldest. Every few days I have a new exposure that I can’t shake. I waste days googling and asking my husband the same question again and again.

12 weeks CBT helped but didn’t shake the thoughts, partly as I found it difficult to find the time, I’m due to start psychotherapy next week.

reading the advice from other users has been really useful. I’d love to hear if anyone has improved or what helped them. I am reluctant to take ssri as I’m breastfeeding and worried that will open a new worry in the future.

I’ve actually found it really hard to find someone with OCD similar to mine. Everyone assumes OCD is a fear of germs. It’s an obsessive compulsive disorder.

Hardly anyone understands how I can have OCD because my house isn’t spotless. All my obsessions are related to my child getting cancer from exposures, coal tar, plastic, paint, Xrays in pregnancy, car tyres at nursery, building work fumes, gorilla glue, brake cleaner, polystyrene everything is making me worried and I can’t distinguish a real worry from a OCD worry