To feel down about friends moving on and us being "one step behind"

[FreeBeeBird]

We are first time buyers a bit late to the game, we are just approaching our 40s and about to buy our first property (flat) with a small DC.
I am grateful to be able to be in this position as it hasn't been easy to get a deposit down (London) but am starting to see several friends around me, same age (some younger) also with DC selling their current flats and moving on to much bigger and better things (houses, some in the same areas, some outside of London) that are unaffordable for us.
I want to feel happy for them but cannot help feeling like I am late to the game and whilst they show me pictures of their new 3-4 bed houses with driveways and massive gardens, I feel underwhelmed with the idea that we are going to be purchasing a 2 bed apartment instead.
I know things aren't forever and with the high interest rates right now we are probably better off buying something we can afford and then hopefully move on to better things in a few years but as we are no longer that young, sometimes I worry we have missed that train and it's too late for us.

AIBU?

I'd say late 30s buying a 2-bed place in London is absolutely reasonable and you have nothing to feel down about. It's an oft-used trope on MN that comparison is the thief of joy, but it's so true. Please don't let those feelings ruin a great achievement for your family. x

@SayTheWeirdThing thank you! we are in the London suburbs where many people live in houses but we are still talking 650-700K for a 2 bed house type of money. We can't afford that but our friends are now able to because they have bought a small place years ago and have good equity in their homes now + sold for a profit

Honestly I just bought the bigger “flashier” house with the garden etc and am now looking at flats 🤣🤣🤣… the bigger the house and garden the more you have to clean and maintain. You will have more time to spend with your DC in London hoeing to museums and being out and about as you are central

The grass isn’t always greener ( and in my case weedier)

There will always be people better or worse off than you. Try not to let it spoil your achievement. I'm just curious what your situation was when they bought their first homes?

@Doingmybest12 Our wages have increased a lot over the past 2-3 years, back then our income was literally half what it is today and living with a high London rent, we struggled to save a significant amount for a deposit. It also wasn’t much of a high priority back then, which seems silly to me now but it is what it is.

They may have massive debt you don’t know about. Well done for being where you are. Enjoy it.

@Whatwouldnanado I don’t think so. It’s a mix of a bit of initial family help, made the right choices early on and now they can use their equity + take on a bigger mortgage to upgrade to a beautiful house

@Whatwouldnanado but thank you! It took us a long time to get to this point

You could move out of London and get much more for your money? There is life beyond the M25 you know…

Large houses are overated. The cleaning is so tedious.

Enjoy your new home and never mind where others are at

I think getting on the ladder at all at the moment is a huge achievement so well done you. It's only natural to be jealous, but honestly you've done really well.

Comparison is the thief of joy. Focus on the positives you got.

I remember that feeling, we stayed in London for a bit then realised we'd never make that next move so moved out 5 years later. Good news is we made shed loads on the flat so remind yourself a flat in London is always a good thing!

I do sort of see where you’re coming from, our friends are all with their first partners, some of them been together 20 years despite being in our 30’s still, bought together young, I’m divorced and dp left a long term relationship with the clothes on his back. We’ve been together 6 years and bought a house together last year, very lucky we were able to afford what we got but we’re miles behind our peer group. Years ago they renovated, moved up the ladder, they’re out of the expensive toddler years, and we’ve started again, have a baby, have a house that needs doing up at the same time as having £70 per day childcare costs. They’re all buying caravans, motor homes, holiday homes and have beautiful houses and cars and can afford to holiday whereas we’re driving old cars, still trying to gather the money to do the basics in our house etc.
I know we’ll get there, and so will you, and try not to compare as not everyone gets dealt the same hand and we have to do what we can with the cards we were given.

Comparison is the thief of joy. Enjoy and be proud of your achievement.

Don’t worry. I’m 42 and today my DH and I were gazumped on the day before we were going to exchange contracts.

@ohyesido omg that is so shite, I am so sorry

I did move in to the dream 4-bed detached with a drive and a laundry room.

My H turned abusive and now I'm back in a starter size home, alone. Stuff doesn't buy happiness.

(But I bloody loved that laundry room...)

Have you posted about this before? It feels very familiar

And the fucking upkeep - Forth sodding bridge.

You have a partner, a child, and a flat in London. That is a lot more than a lot of people. I have a 4 bed house but it's worth £400,000 so much less than your flat due to location.
People have more and have had it easier with family help etc but you are still doing really well. Go and volunteer at a homeless shelter and you will realise how lucky you are.
I'm not being patronising, I just helped out at one once when I was going through a bereavement and it just put my life into perspective and really, really helped me.

Comparison is the thief of joy. Also London seems to exacerbate this. The main thing is do you pay enough into a pension and is it well invested and do you live within your means. Property isn't everything.

The SE is £££s plus commuting costs.

Anyone who bought yrs ago in London will have done well but you don’t have a Time Machine so no point beating yourself up. I have a colleagues just a few years older than me who have 1m houses but small mortgages, but what can you do.

The only thing I would be mindful of is do you eventually want the house? Will you realistically be able to get that in London? London property hasn’t performed that well vs other areas for the last 8 years and in particular flats since Brexit. If you’re happy with a flat it’s irrelevant but a house may move further out of your grasp. It’s much harder to build equity when you take into account high prices, stamp duty, renovation costs, etc.

Never mind anyone else. You're buying your first home! EXCITING!!!!!!!🤗