Is this child maintenance enough?

[Ilovepugs2017]

First of all, just wanted to say I realise I am lucky that my child’s dad pays some form of child maintenance as I know a lot of dads don’t.

I’m wondering whether what my ex gives me for our son is enough though.

We split up when my son was a year and a half old (he’s now 13) and we sorted an agreement between us rather than going through child maintenance service.

He works full time - not sure what he does but he recently told me he couldn’t have our son when arranged as he had been offered a cover shift for a shift manager at £250 for 10 hours work which he wasn’t going to turn down.

Anyway he gives me £30 a week maintenance for our son which has been the same since he was little - obviously as he’s gotten older things cost more and he needs more money for things. Clothing for example is a lot more expensive now (he’s in men’s sizes as very tall) than it used to be when he was a toddler.

I know with the cost of living it’s impacting everyone so I was wondering whether it would be unreasonable for me to ask him whether there is anyway he could increase it a bit? As what he is giving me is helping a bit but not anywhere near enough.

Just for reference - he has him one night a week for half of the year so basically 26 nights a year on average.

He is taking him on a camping trip in august with his family for a few nights (rare occasion) and has asked whether I’d be giving him any spending money. Am I right to think this is unreasonable? I don’t ask for spending money from him when we go on a camping holiday….

Any advice would be great, thanks for reading X

@familyissues12345 He hasn’t said he’s gonna withdraw the £30 from the child maintenance for the week they are camping….. as yet.

I try to be as far as I can with him… he’s asked whether they can borrow our roof box to go which we’ve agreed to so I’ll always help if I can but I do feel like I’m being taken for a mug a bit.

He went on a school trip to Paris for 4 days back in May and me and DH had to pretty much cover the full cost of that. £500 + just for the trip itself plus £300 spending money and he reluctantly gave him £60 spending money after me asking him if he could give him something to go

@DecafDodger no 😂 I struggled to get a bit of spending money off him for our son to go on a school trip to Paris

This is the thing I’m not 100% sure what he earns as he’s never really said and changed jobs since we split up

I've just done a calculation based on £500per week, 1 night per week with the ex and him living with 2 other children, and it comes out at £51.60 per week.

You can do it here: https://www.gov.uk/calculate-child-maintenance

Personally, I would put the claim in through CMS. Your doing yourself and your child out of money.

I’d have to check how much that would impact things aswell then….

Just saw you don't know his income for sure. Definitely go through the CMS, they will ask him for proof of his income for the calculation.

Thank you. I will message him about it to see if he is happy to sort an arrangement between us but if not I’ll do a claim through CMS. Just hope if I go down that route that he doesn’t stop CM completely then as I wouldn’t be surprised if he did that…

Yeah it’s just an estimate based on what he’s mentioned in conversation previously …

I just wonder how much of an impact it will have with the fact he’s got his girlfriends two children living with them

He's paying a pittance.

There's nothing for you to feel guilty about, if you get it increased.

Maybeeeee … but I’m not sure you’d get all that much over. I got my claim through and for £24k I only pay £230 a month and don’t have my child any nights or any other children so I wouldn’t expect more than £20 extra a week at a push and also you should definitely consider how it may affect the relationship between you. It’s cheaper not to even see your child and just pay the money which makes zero sense (pls note this isn’t my circumstances at all - he’s taken my child and currently going through court) than paying and having to pay the expenses of your child when they’re with you on top of the maintenance.

Pensions contributions are discounted too from earnings.

Maybe discuss it with him first and explain and mention you might make a claim. Child Maintenance have access to your earnings so they’ll be able to accurately assess but there’s a lot of other stuff to consider relationally and for not very much money if I’m being honest. If things have already broke down though I’d say go for it and see what comes back

How much is your rent, for example?

Where are you getting this from? I've just run a salary of 32k through the calculator and come up with a figure of £364 a month for two kids. I suspect that my ex husband earns about that and I get £312 for my two, that hasn't gone up in the 7 years since we split and he won't confirm or deny his salary so I can check 🙄

OP your first step is to find out what dad earns and then you can work it out for yourself using the online tool.

I honestly don’t think he would tell me if I asked tbh x

When he does have him overnight …. He picks him up on a Friday night and then I have to pick him up from his house on a Saturday (20 min drive one way).
So even that on the weeks he has him is costing me at least £5 in diesel.
He told me he can’t afford the fuel to drop him back aswell so I’ve had to do it for the sake of my son getting to see his dad as he doesn’t see him enough as it is imo.

YABU for accepting such an insulting amount for 12 years. My god, £30 a week. You got you happy for £30 and on another thread the mother is getting £350 a month, daughter is with dad EOW, he has paid for half of their holiday and upped the maintenance whilst being unable to provide for his other two children and people are saying £350 is a pittance 😂😂 so he is probably on around 30k which means you should of been receiving around £300 a month not £120. He has short paid you by about 24k

id present him with two options

1. lump sum payment of around 2k he can pay it over 6 months as well as weekly maintenance and £60 a week going forward
2. make a CMS claim and he can start paying £300 a month from his wage without his choice or consent. They might even grant you a back pay, I don’t know

Yes I have one like that 😂 honestly, they are such arses - it's not like we are using to pay for three weeks in Barbados, we're feeding, housing and clothing their children! Good luck, I'd love to tell you it gets easier but every penny has been a fight in my case!

£30 a week for 10 years is appalling low. Get onto cms immediately.

£30 per week is an absolute piss take 🤦🏻‍♀️

I can't believe this "father" can sleep at night knowing the pittance he pays towards his child (except I can, because sooooo many sperm donors do this).

I saw a recent news article that said it costs around £200,000 to raise a child to 18 in the UK today, so approximately £900-£1000 per month.

Let's call it £1k for ease. If you split that cost 50/50 it's £500 each, but you've been doing the vast majority of care, so even with his £30 per week, he still owes you about £500 per month or £6k per year for the last 13 years.

This means your ex owes your child approximately £70k in just the actual costs to raise him, so please don't feel bad about going to the CMS. If the dad had paid a suitable sum and you'd saved that amount for your child, with compound interest it could buy your son a flat (or put a big deposit down on one) now.

Think about that whilst you complete your forms for the CMS.

You're not being ungrateful, hes legally, never mind morally obliged to pay a minumum and £30 a week is not it!!

Go through CMS!

Please stop thinking in terms of lucky and grateful. It is HIS child thatched had an absolute responsibility to pay for at the minimum legal amount. Lots of people including my ex see the CMS as some sort of threat...it doesn't have to be, it's just a tool to ascertain the right (legal minimum) amount. My ex now gives me sight of his payslip each year and a copy of the calculation so we use CMS but not officially. That only works if the payee is prepared to be transparent though. In the end, your son is entitled to a decent level of support and you may have to put your big girl pants on here a bit and stand up for him. You don't have a good relationship with your ex, you have a people pleasing, doormat one.

If he works 37.5 hours on minimum wage you'd still be entitled to £44.27 a week from him in those circumstances. Definitely file a cms claim.

They don’t do back pay (though they are supposed to chase arrears) - it’s from the date of claim.

I can’t believe he’s got the OP grateful for him paying a pittance and almost definitely far less than he should be paying for his own child.

’Grateful’ would be if an ex-boyfriend who wasn’t the child’s father was paying out of the kindness of his heart.

even if he is on min wage, the hourly rate has gone up by what ? a £ an hour for the last 3 years

I am sure this info could be found on Google ?

so if it is £1 an hour for the last 3 years, that is based on a 35 hour week - £35 based that just on a 4 week month that is £140 a month

yes I know there's tax / national insurance and pension but even taking off 50% for that, he ought to have been better off by at least £70 a month

so by 3 years on min wage increases it could be that he is better off by £210 a month

now he has been paying you for 12 years ? and never ever increased it ? wow !

I don't believe CMS takes into account HER children, only any children HE has with HER, and there is none ?

you've only got 5 years left ? until he is 18 I would go down the CMS route

I just did a very basic calculation on CMS, based on min wage of £11.44 an hour for 35 hours a week, and it came out as £48 - which is not a lot BUT 50% more than you get now...

and as there is a chance he is on more than £11.44 an hour, and a chance he works more than 35 hours a week. I would go via CMS

I have texted him to see if we can have a phone chat to discuss upping the maintenance as it’s been the same amount since he was little, just waiting on a response back…

I wish I had done this years ago now instead of struggling so much though.

I’ve always just seen it as at least it’s something and it’s better than nothing but yes clearly isn’t anywhere near enough for his needs as a teen now.

If he had him more regular I wouldn’t say so much as then he would have to feed him, buy him some clothes etc.

I’m having to buy him all new uniform (like a lot of other parents) for the new year in September and that’s having a massive impact on finances as I’ve got two younger children to buy for too x