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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Stuck in house with Ex while he has ‘upgrade’ GF - fed up!

13 replies

Fedupandold · 31/07/2024 00:41

This is more of a rant really. I think I’m just feeling so old (50) and washed up, and not sure how to make the rest of my life feel good.

I have a disabled son age 10 with Ex, likely never able to leave home.
I thought DH was the one (second marriage). But he cheated on me a couple of years ago, full of remorse, but we couldn’t get past it and decided to separate and now Ex has an upgrade girlfriend who is a medical doctor and an actress and 13 years younger - such an upgrade on me and I can’t help feeling just… a bit washed up!

Argh! My career halted because I decided to full-time care for our son, who is thriving now so that’s good. But I realise…
I have zero social life.
I have no finances.
I have very little to buy a house.
I used to have creative talents… gone. I used to have a brain and good job… gone.

It’s really hard not to think… this life is really unfair! Women sometimes really can’t have it all. I am moving out soon, but just not feeling very great about the future.

OP posts:
JabbaTheBeachHut · 31/07/2024 00:49

Her age and her job are irrelevant here. In fact she is irrelevant so please stop comparing yourself to her, and considering her an 'upgrade'.

You're hurting because your marriage is over due to your cheating husband and that's understandable.

All the great qualities you have and always have had, are still there in you. It doesn't matter if he's dating a doctor or a dingbat.

Sorry life is so shit for you right now, but it won't be forever and the silver lining is, you no longer have to live with a cheating, lying scumbag Flowers

Morningsiesta · 31/07/2024 00:50

You sound amazing! That's great what you're doing with your son. It sounds as though it really makes a difference.

Why would a doctor actress want to date a much older cheater who's about to abandon his disabled son? He doesn't sound like a great catch, honestly.

Hopefully, once the dust has cleared, you will feel much better. You can still be creative and clever. You'll find another path forward.

MrsPinkSky · 31/07/2024 00:52

Morningsiesta · 31/07/2024 00:50

You sound amazing! That's great what you're doing with your son. It sounds as though it really makes a difference.

Why would a doctor actress want to date a much older cheater who's about to abandon his disabled son? He doesn't sound like a great catch, honestly.

Hopefully, once the dust has cleared, you will feel much better. You can still be creative and clever. You'll find another path forward.

Why would a doctor actress want to date a much older cheater who's about to abandon his disabled son? He doesn't sound like a great catch, honestly.

Totally agree he's not a great catch, in fact he's a lying wanker but the OP hasn't said he's abandoning their son, just that they decided to split and now he has a new girlfriend?

I also think her jobs are irrelevant.

Morningsiesta · 31/07/2024 00:53

Yeah sorry, misread it. Not abandon! But still, OP is doing most of the caring.

Original poster
Fedupandold · 31/07/2024 00:56

I think he is mostly abandoning our son, he will visit once or twice a month. I wanted some time to go out and get a social life until I moved (perhaps last time I can get this) but despite already having a GF, he is so desperate to keep on her good side he refused as he ‘needs’ most evenings and weekends away already!

OP posts:
Original poster
Fedupandold · 31/07/2024 00:59

But yes, not sure why they are together. She has no kids. Ex does have a very high powered job, he’s tall and clever, and on the face of it, very kind. I was shocked when he cheated with me.

OP posts:
Mmhmmn · 31/07/2024 01:15

Could you look into some respite care for your son to gain some time for yourself now that he’s doing well?

It may feel like you’ve lost creativity but a creative person will always be a creative person given the opportunity .. you’re currently low on headspace and time for yourself which makes it difficult for creativity to thrive.

Chances are your ex’s new relationship won’t be a happy ever after so try not to think on that too much.

SpicyKitty · 31/07/2024 01:17

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Mmhmmn · 31/07/2024 01:19

Are you divorced from exH?

Delphiniumandlupins · 31/07/2024 01:20

The more you post the more I feel sorry for the new GF and how she is wasting her attributes! I hope you soon have time to enjoy your creative talents again soon.

Mmhmmn · 31/07/2024 01:24

Many doctors do and say unintelligent things in their personal lives. This younger doctor-actress probably has severe daddy issues and warrants pity more than anything else 🤭

BMW6 · 31/07/2024 05:45

Take him to the bloody cleaners OP. If he won't be a parent to his own child he can bloody well pay you enough CM so you can hire care to facilitate a social life for yourself !

He may be less alluring if he's skint.

Original poster
Fedupandold · 31/07/2024 10:17

I still owe the solicitor from our last talks! He made such a fuss of everything, delayed sending everything in, insisted on talking directly to her and did not hire his own. It was a nightmare.

I am slowly trying to build up myself. I am starting my creative side again and including my son - who loves it too. We have a lot of fun together and his unique mind is very inspiring to me. I also am trying to start my own non profit to help others from home.

OP posts:
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