I had a bit of an issue at my son's nursery yesterday that keeps playing on my mind. Before I mention anything at pick up this evening, I wanted to speak to other parents who would be able to offer me their thoughts/opinions on what happened.
So, my little boy has been going to his nursery for two years and is very settled and happy there. I normally find the nursery great, with one or two of the staff that work there a little below average, but the rest of them are so wonderful you don't really mind that.
One of the women who work there (but not in my son's toddlers room) isn't great. Whenever I see her I find her a bit rude and very different in energy to the other members of staff. Nothing terrible, just never says hello when I say hello to her, has ignored my son when he has said hello and goodbye to her, very abrupt tone - that sort of thing. As I say, none of it an issue, but it is noticeable.
On occasion, when I have picked my son up on a warm day, he will be in the garden with the other kids from all the different age groups. This woman works in the baby room, and her daughter has also been there in the garden at pick up time. I would say her daughter is maybe around 14 years old. She may be slightly older, but I would say definitely no older than 16 (and I would be shocked if she even was 16).
I don't know what she is doing there, but it's been often enough for it to be noticeable and for me to have clocked who she is and her to know my son's name etc. I've not loved her energy, as I've seen her shout across the garden to kids (my son included) in a bit of an intimidating way. Nothing that she said, but she is talking to very very small children and the way she was talking didn't seem appropriate, but again - something I noticed and thought was a bit off, but whatever.
Yesterday, she was in the garden again when I went to pick my son up. I was with him as he was messing around with a toy, and she came over, stood really close to him and said "Can I have a cuddle?". It's hard to explain here, but she didn't bend down or soften her voice at all, and was standing so close to him that I can imagine it would've been intimidating. Basically, someone much much taller than you, standing about 6 inches away from you asking in quite a harsh tone for a cuddle. He looked a little hesitant, but gave her a cuddle. She then said "did you tell your mummy you wet yourself today?".
Now, this is what has annoyed me. He is potty training at the moment and has been having a bit of a hard time with accidents when he is at nursery. we are keeping everything positive in speech to him around this and is very much celebrating when he does manage it and "not to worry, we'll try next time" when he doesn't. Her tone and what she said is the complete antithesis of what I am trying to do with his potty training (it sounded quite shaming), but also why on earth is another kid getting involved in this? She doesn't work there, should not be reporting to me about anything to do with my child, and also shouldn't be speaking to him to get him to tell me.
I immediately cut in, moved him to one side of me and said "we know all about them, thanks" and moved the conversation on.
I get the feeling she is there as the mother doesn't have childcare for her kid, but regardless, she isn't trained or employed by the nursery, and shouldn't be reporting to parents in any way what their kid has been up to - let alone like that.
Any thoughts on the legality or proper processes around having untrained teenagers in a nursery setting?
Thank you!!