…for thinking XH is a massive prick?

[MintyCedric]

I know, I know…he wasn’t a massive prick, he wouldn’t be an XH!

DD19’s favourite band is on at Reading Festival. She’s been before but none of her mates going this year and didn’t fancy camping so asked her dad if he’d take her in him camper to a site nearby and just drop her in for the day.

In the end she got a Sat/Sun ticket and he booked them into a B&B for both nights with plans to make a weekend of it around the acts she wants to see.

He’s just got a new job and has announced that he’s working the Sun/Mon so can no longer take her…he’s new so doesn’t want to ask if he can change shifts.

But he’s managed to ask them for the next fortnight off to go camping with his partner.

Meanwhile I’m saddled with a weekend in fecking Reading, in addition to three 6+ hour round trips to and from uni to sort out second year house etc between mid Aug and mid Sept (I work 55 hours a week over two jobs in term time and keep on the evenings and weekends through the hols…I have 5 consecutive days off for the whole duration).

XH has said he’ll pay for my petrol for the weekend, I’m assuming the hotel is already paid for (it had better be!) but the point he’s prioritised his partner while letting DD down again.

To rub salt in the wound I’ve only just started dating again 8 years after leaving XH and as I don’t need DD to be involved in that, that weekend was one of the rare possibilities for seeing the chap I’ve been seeing as she’s been home since the beginning of June!

Am just bloody angry and needed to vent before DD comes home from work or phone the twat and end up having a row.

Can't she go on her own? Is there a need for you to ferry her there/back or for you to stay in reading with her?

Why does she need someone to go with her?

She's 19 why can't she go with friends?

At 19 can't she take a friend?

Also why can't she she know you're dating. She's an adult.

Fair points. I think the B&B is a way from the air and not very easy to get to.

Obviously all of this was arranged by him but I don’t really know anything about the possible logistics.

I’m going away for a few days at the crack of dawn tomorrow so DD will sit down and work it out when I get back at the weekend.

Of course I’ve also had to tell her so she no doubt going to be upset when she gets in which I’ll be left to deal with too.

YANBU except for wanting the weekend to shag new man. She's an adult. If he can have a new fancy piece then so can you.

Whether she could go alone or not, YANBU OP. That's pretty shitty of him, he should have kept his arrangement with his dd and rearranged/shortened the holiday with his partner

I’ve gone with unreasonable, but only because I’m not sure why you are ferrying a grown adult around.
your ex is not great but I don’t know why you’re letting this impact your weekend to this extent

Exactly. This is the main thing that’s pissing me off, the second being that I have basically done all the parenting for the last eight years, I’m working stupid hours to stay afloat on my own and I’m absolutely knackered.

He’s contributed marginally more than the square root of fuck all to her university endeavours - came for drop off and have driven her back once….meanwhile I did all the open days, offer holder days, shopping and schlepping about. Tbh if he’d taken over that I’d probably be whinging about being sidelined.

Re the dating and why can’t she go with her mate (did that last year and logistics were a pain in the arse)…there are reasons which I’d rather not get into on a public forum.

I think most people would probably prioritise their holiday over a festival, to be honest.

I think its a bit odd that a 19yr old needs ferrying about and chaperoning. Surely she can make her own way there, amongst the thousands of people who'll be doing the same?!

DD is generally perfectly independent and capable. She made this arrangement with her Dad so a/ they could spend time together and b/ because she doesn’t enjoy festival camping particularly and none of her friends were up for going this year.

I don’t disagree it’s a weird way of doing it but that is what she and her dad arranged between them months ago.

What is complicating matters somewhat for all those people suggesting she’s being immature or that I’m helicopter parenting, is that she was a victim of a fairly serious assault a couple of months ago, and is still recovering from that mentally, so whilst she will be going to the festival itself solo whilst I occupy myself elsewhere, I’m reluctant to just pack her off and let her get on with it.

I think most people would probably prioritise their holiday over a festival, to be honest.

If two friends had made this arrangement and one dropped out there would be uproar!
He made plans with her then ditched her, and prioritised his girlfriend at the same time, a cardinal sin on MN.
Haven't you seen the threads about a kid wanting to ditch a birthday party they've already committed to and then want to pull out because they got a better offer?!

This is shitty behaviour, and you’re not being unreasonable. Personally, I would insist that he tells her himself.

Nah. People should prioritise their daughter over a partner, especially when that sounds like it was arranged first.

I wonder if one if the friends would be up for going if they knew their ticket and accommodation was paid for (ie dads ticket) and would change their mind about going if it was 'free'?

That might be worth exploring

Definitely encourage her to find a friend to take for free op.