To feel weirded out when people ask me personal questions

[JulyMume]

Just trying to process this and what better place than a anonymous forum! Years ago when my kids were little I joined a swimming class and a group of mums looked really lovely and friendly so after exchanging pleasantries I asked what school their children go to extend the conversation, I couldn’t care less what school they went to and the most vocal of the group got a bit weird and asked me in a very aggressive tone why I want to know and the rest looked on and didn’t say anything. I posted about this at the time under a different username and was told I was being very weird by asking a group of strangers what school their children go to! I took this on board and never asked again.

Now I understand this was a weird question and I take on board what others said at the time even though it was simply a conversation starter for me. But issue now is I keep seeing and thinking people are wrong for asking me certain questions. E.g. I’ve done lots of classes for the kids this week and last week and people keep asking what street I live on and what school my kids go to. I’m not rude like that lady was to me but I generically give them an answer such as in so and so town but not the exact name of school or street. Most people don’t say anything and don’t press further and the conversation then goes back to the activity we’re watching and I don’t ask them anything in return but there’s one woman who is kind of giving me really weird vibes as she asks me really intense questions. I don’t feel comfortable telling her my whole life story in the 20 minutes we’ve known each other! She doesn’t get the hint when I give her genetic answers and keeps pressing me for the actual name and when I give it to her she wants to know more and more. She keeps asking me things. It’s obvious I’m ignoring the question and changing topic but she doesn’t get the hint!

so my AIBU is is this something you would get uncomfortable about and how you would treat it?

Well where I live (west of Scotland) in some areas questions about what school you go to are, for some, loaded. What it actually means is ‘are you Catholic or Protestant?’ a bit like ‘do you support Rangers or Celtic’. So it can seem rude/full of other meaning to ask here.

Jyst continue to give vague answers. It is rude and weird.

I don't see anything wrong with the woman finding "connections" to you as she's obviously familiar with your home town and thinks she might know people you know. I think she's just being friendly.
Is there something in particular you are worried she may find out that's embarrassing or too personal to you?

It might be also how she is asking the questions, rather than the questions themselves that is raising your guard up - to quote another poster, "the devil is in the details" 😄

I dont think its weird asking about schools. Ive asked before when my dd is getting along well with someone new as could be the same school or we might know someone at another school and can extend out friendship/play dates.
Likewise ive been asked by others and had other type of people like doctors, nurses, random mature ladies ect. As they have grandchildren.
If someone asks you something you dont want to answer then just say that. You dont have to give reasons and clearly in my opinion if you dont feel comfortable answering then they are not someone you want to befriend so no harm if they take offence to it.
Im probably an over sharer, but i enjoy learning about people, making aquaintences and feel i can make good judgements as to who im talking to

I’m also from there, so know that that question can be loaded - never known it anywhere else though (maybe N. Ireland?).

I’m frequently asked which school my children go to and often ask others too (no longer live in or around Glasgow and I am not in any way religious). To me, this is a perfectly normal question - I think that original woman has given you a bit of a complex.

I would never have considered this sort of thing weird! I ask other mums all the time whereabouts they live if I find out we live in the same town or I ask what school or nursery their children go to. They've always answered willingly and if someone had an issue I would honestly be very shocked as to me it's just conversation between mums. But I can see why your experience has made you overthink. Are you genuinely uncomfortable with these questions or do you think you should be uncomfortable because someone else has previously said that? Either way this woman clearly has no social skills and can't take a hint which is annoying!

Nothing wrong with asking where their kids go to school in the context you were in.
Also nothing wrong with the woman asking the questions she is doing, she’s trying to form a connection and possible friendship with you.
No wonder adults find it hard to make new friendships if everyone is so guarded all the time. I’m not saying divulge your personal medical history, your finical status and the ins and outs of everything but from what your have said they are relatively normal conversational questions.

i tend to ask personal questions. I don’t mean to upset anyone. Socially I’m a bit awkward and I think my brain can’t keep pace with my mouth. I don’t really care where people live/work etc and don’t mind if they don’t want to share with me.
I find it hard to make conversation and go for generic questions and probably take too long to process their response and realise they are offended.
I think probably this person isn’t massively invested in your answers. They are probably just trying to be friendly. It helps to know a bit about someone if you are building a friendship but if you are not interested in being friends then I can see it would feel intrusive.
i wouldn’t worry too much. Their intentions are most likely good.

So I don’t think it’s weird to ask what school/ we’re about children who your children interact with live. I get on the first day you met someone it’s weird. But my son plays in lots of sports and as parents we discuss schools, areas we live etc it’s completely normal.

Perhaps if they objected to your asking where their children were going to school you could have got out of it by saying something like “it’s just I’ve heard great things about (school name)” or “We’re wondering whether to move James for key stage 2 so I’m trying to find out what
other parents think of the schools round here”.
However, compared to the person who
is now badgering you for information, your question all those years ago was fine!