Or is my mum regarding the Summer Holidays?

[DitzyDerbyBabe86]

For context, I have a decent relationship with my mum. Spend lots of time with her when possible, eg shopping, lunching. Mum is retired. I work 4 days a week and have a DP and 2 DC’s. Typically on my weekday off, I will spend it with my DM. She is retired and lives with my DF. In her late 60’s. Very active, goes on holidays abroad every few months. I have 2 siblings who live in different parts of the country.
So we typically get on well. She looks after my DC when I’m working (both DC are early teens so don’t take a lot of caring for now). But this holiday I’m noticing how moody she gets when our routine is uprooted. Like today, she wanted me to go shopping and out for lunch with her. I politely declined as I wanted to spend the day at home with the kids, get some painting done, and then generally veg out. Well she’s well and truly thrown the Teddy out of the cot! Grumbling and now won’t talk to me, can’t understand why I don’t want to leave my DC and carry on like it’s not the holidays. Now the thing is, I know it’s going to be like this ALL 6 SODDING WEEKS! It’s like I’m not entitled to enjoy my time off with the kids, I need to be at her beck and call during the whole time (only have 1 and half weeks off holiday).
So how do I approach this? Or am I being unreasonable for wanting to spend my holidays from work, during the summer holidays at home with my kids? I of course will see her but she doesn’t seem to understand that my priority in the holidays is them. (As is it during non holidays, I’m sure you get what I’m trying to say!)

I think that older people forget at times what it’s like to juggle the house and work and children.
it sounds like she needs some time to calm down a little and then will hopefully think about her reaction.
can she go out with your dad for shopping and lunch?

Does she get to spend any time with you and your family outside term time care, or have you made plans for an occasional catch up during these holidays?

I am mid 60s and you are definitely justified in choosing to spend time in the holidays with your kids if you work the other 4 days. Why does she feel she should take preference over them? I would never expect that from either of my two adult daughters.

If she is throwing a tantrum remind her that your kids are amusing themselves the other 4 days and you want to either go out with them or relax at home. Can you compromise and see her every 2 weeks or all of you chill out together with the teens?

It says in the op she spends her day off usually with her mum and not just for childcare.
Leave her to sulk op, she'll come round or not.

Does she look after your children during the holidays then? If so I don’t think it’s that unreasonable for you to try to have some quality time with her during the holidays too

"It’s like I’m not entitled to enjoy my time off with the kids"

But you are her kid and she was hoping to spend time with you so naturally she's going to be disappointed.

There's a balance to strike... Of course you want to enjoy your time off by spending time with your kids and getting other things done.
But if your mum looks after your kids while you work 4 days per week, and you also usually see her for social activities one day each week, then it's reasonable that she'll be upset to not see any of you for the time you've taken off.

Thanks for your replies everyone.
To answer a few questions, out of the holidays, I spent at least 1 day a week with my mum.
It is definitely not a childcare dependent relationship. Like I said, my kids are older, so it’s mainly popping in a sorting lunch out for them. She will share this in the hols with my MIL and do one day a week when I’m at work. My husband has take holidays too to cover. Term time, it’s 1 day a week too.
She spends plenty of time out with my DF and she also has friends she sees every few weeks. I do feel she over relies on me slightly though, she doesn’t like to be “bored” and feel like it’s at the cost of my sanity though, as I get very little time to relax. (We all know what weekends can be like juggling activities, housework etc).

I’d also like to say, I saw her for a couple of hours last night. I nipped round to see her and my DF and help out with some technical issues. Shes 10 mins from us, so I will pop in after work for a natter at lease twice a week!

I think, that the best way to handle this is to say this week I’m really busy with the children being off school and I’ve got some stuff to do with them and at home - shall we go to the garden centre or for coffee on (whatever) day, just the 2 of us.
Or because I’m so busy during the holidays shall I come round to yours and we will have a coffee and I’ll bring cake or a sneaky glass of wine later.

@DitzyDerbyBabe86 - I can see both sides of this, to be honest.

Completely understand that since the kids are on holiday, you want to spend time with them on your day off from work and that is not unreasonable. But on the other hand, you have a regular day which you spend with your Mum every week, during term time and from her perspective, she probably feels very second best that she is dumped during the holidays, as well as disappointed. Can understand why she might feel like that, even if someone different might understand better

I think@Holliegee has posted a good way to handle the situation

I think because you spend one day a week with her, pretty much all year round, she's obviously expecting that during the holidays too. Maybe she feels a little pushed aside but I also don't think YABU at all wanting to spend the holidays with your DCs. Shes used to that routine, maybe shes using you slightly to alleviate her retired boredom. Do you want to spend one day a week with her or do you feel like it's doing her a favour? I have one day a week off and I like to do my own thing, run errands etc. Cant imagine feeling like im tied to spending every one with my DM. She's pissed that she's not your priority, it would make me back off and rethink the current situation. Probably only go out here and there rather than every week.

Have you tried offering her lunch at your home instead and do some online shopping / browsing together while you veg out instead ? Not the same I know but it's an idea.

I don't think you should try to appease this kind of behaviour. Sulking and not talking to you, is childish. It's not at all unreasonable to want to spend your time off with your children! Or yo be tired and want to chill out at home. Your mum sees you a lot. Much more than lots of mums see their adult children - it's not your responsibility to keep her entertained and she's being selfish in expecting to always be the priority.

Your mum wants to spend time with her child yet kicks off when you want to spend time with your children.
they will fly the nest soon so put them first as they are adults for a long time.