To be this irritated by this habit?

[yummyicecream]

My brother answers for other people when I’m speaking to them.

So an example, I showed DH a photo on my phone of DD and held it up. Brother was sitting across the room and when I said ‘awe isn’t she cute’ shouted ‘yes she is’ in that sort of monotone not listening tone (and was looking elsewhere at the time.)

Or I will ask someone a question that they know the answer to (eg to FIL ‘when are you off to Devon?’ and he’ll shout ‘I don’t know.)

I know it sounds really petty but it alienates me from a group because I literally can’t talk to anyone.

I don’t need advice on dealing with it S such I’m more wondering if it would annoy others as much as it does me?

I think your only option then, if it's all too much for you emotionally and he is unable to change his behaviour, is to ask him to move out.

YANBU to feel irritated and frustrated but YABU to allow him to keep living with you when it's affecting you so much.

Not sure what you mean @cardibach , he just jumps in before anyone’s had a chance to speak?

It’s not that simple though @PerkyMintDeer - I mean, making someone homeless because they are annoying is a tad extreme! It IS annoying but at the moment he’s nowhere else to go - hopefully not for too much longer!

This would drive me nuts. It sounds like one of those things where once you’ve consciously noticed that they do it, it’s impossible to block it out or not hear it.

I know someone who does 2 or 3 tuts after nearly every statement they make - ‘Can’t find that coffee cup anywhere, t t t!’ ‘It’ll be busy in Lidl later when I need to get the food shop done, t t t!’ - I know the tut is coming so I’m already annoyed before they’ve even done it!!

Yes, but if the question is ‘do you know where my keys are?’ and he says ‘I don’t know’ why doesn’t someone else answer? Your other example was ‘when are you off to Devon?’ When he said ‘I don’t know’ why didn’t the person going say when they were going (ideally with a side of ‘why did you answer that? Let me speak’).
If they don’t you should just ask again, with the person’s name attached to the question, after telling him you weren’t asking him (where appropriate - a general shout of ‘have you seen my keys?’ seems fair game for anyone to answer)

It doesn’t matter really if they answer or not: it sort of disturbs the natural
flow of the conversation, and I think there’s a kind of moment of embarrassment/ awkwardness as well - so like with the FIL example FIL would probably just smile and move on.

Anyway I can’t really tell everyone I might have a conversation with to ignore my brother!

I would address every question to the person you are talking to.

'So tell me Bob, when are you going to Devon?'

Then each time your brother answers, you can say 'Your name's not Bob'.

It sounds irritating but if he is ND he maybe can't stop himself.

"I wasn't talking to you, bro. I was asking Dan. Dan, when are you off on holiday?"

Repeat. Sternly.

YANBU to get wound up by it, but rather than specifically saying you don't need help in dealing with it, I would be asking for advice on how to deal with it!

It totally sounds like a ND thing, but that doesn't mean there is no solution and you just have to put up with it.

He’s 45, I’ve known him for 44 of those years and I know what he’s like! And he’s actually got worse with age, I think because he doesn’t really socialise any more he’s completely lost any masking skills he did have!

But smiling and moving on without answering the question is just as weird and annoying as answering questions randomly. Ask it again. Don’t move on without an answer.

That would irritate the fuck out of me.

@cardibach this is as bad as my brother to be honest 😂

I am glad it is not just me @Emilywiththegreeneyes

Does he only do it with questions you ask? Or does he respond to questions your DH asks other people, for example? That would make a big difference for me. If it’s a general thing, and you’ve mentioned it and he can’t seem to stop, I’d honestly be strongly suggesting he sees his GP for a referral for support as such a pronounced social skills issue will really impact him and those around him. If it’s only you, which it sounds like reading between the lines it is, I feel like that’s a control issue. He is shutting you down and controlling your interactions with others, and he can help it because he doesn’t do it to others. It would suggest he has either conscious or subconscious resentment, anger, jealousy or other negative feelings towards you that he may need to explore in counselling. But that’s for him to deal with not you. If he doesn’t stop, I would stress that there will be negative consequences for him - that you will refuse to let him stay in social situations with you when he does this. And follow through with it. He’s living with you, it should be on your terms, and that includes being able to have a conversation without constant interruptions.

Correct him every time. It sounds like he’s not really focussing on any conversation so hears your voice, vaguely tunes in enough to realise it’s a question, then answers, like it’s a coping mechanism made worse by living with you and your partner. He’s aware he shouldn’t ignore you, so has trained himself to respond to your voice even though the question isn’t aimed at him.

When he does it again, repeat the question with the emphasis on the name “FIL, when are you going to Devon?” then tell your DB the question wasn’t aimed at him. This will hopefully encourage him to listen for the person the question is aimed at.

It’s not just a sign of being ND. Teen (mainly but not always) relatives do it when they’re scrolling on their phone. It’s a sign of compensating for not concentrating, and of not aware of others around them or what’s happening.

To be honest he doesn’t really talk to many people outside of me. He really isn’t a mean horrible person at all but he does have some very challenging social habits and this is one of them.

This.

Annoy him enough by always pulling him on it that he might finally think and stop.

Haha yes say this every time he does it!

Has this behaviour always gone unchallenged? You're not doing him any favours by not challenging it now. It might feel unnatural but asking questions directly with names everytime you ask a question is probably the only way to resolve this. He knows when he is being directly addressed or not.

FIL should not be smiling and moving on. It makes no sense to not answer your question just because someone else shouted out "I don't know".
FIL and DH should answer your question whether or not your brother has interrupted.

This would do my head in too.
There is a lady that goes to a support group that I attend who does this too. She will sit and listen to the conversations going on and answer anything, or chip in with 'Elevenerife' type stuff.
We no longer talk (I had to cut her out as a friend as she was crossing so many boundaries), yet she will still answer stuff I am asking other people.

There are some great suggestions on this thread, so will give them a go. Good luck, OP.

he sounds sweet, OP, as are you.

TBH, just come here and vent when you need it, while IRL you just nod and smile

it is lovely that he lives with you and that you don't want to make him homeless.

Well, his age would make a difference. He could have been your annoying teenage brother which would be a lot different from him being - as it turns out in another post - in his 40s.
I suppose I thought where he was actually living might give you more or less control over the situation.
I assumed that if he was living in your house the situation would be more likely to be temporary and might be easier to cope with if you could see an end point, whereas if you were both living with your parents it could possibly go on indefinitely.

Now I realise you're not looking for solutions but wondering if other people would find this annoying too.
So, yes I would.

Does he do it when anyone else is speaking?

my dad does an interrupting thing where he starts up his on conversation over the top of whoever is talking, it really throws me off and often makes me give up on my thread. He does it with everyone though not just me.