Not sure what to think and feel…

[TheGreenPombear]

I’m disappointed with my husband. He’s self employed (tradesman) and we have a 3 month old baby. He is a very hard worker when he has work on but last week, this week and next week (so 3 weeks at least) it appears that he doesn’t have any work… I don’t think he has work for all of August. He’ll tell me he has jobs lined up but he could never get a solid date booked so everything seems to be up in the air!
I’ve suggested he goes on and does agency work to help fill the gaps but he’s not keen… I think he likes to think he can be like his mate who has a more seasonal but well paid job as his mate works more in winter and is quiet in the summer months….

my husband and I can’t really afford to not have any money coming as I’m on maternity leave and to top it off we’re also renovating our home! my husband seems to want everything done at the house but obviously it costs.. he moans about it but he can’t seem to just stick to one part of the house and get it done so the scope of the Reno work is all over!

Everything just seems to be all up in the air, I feel deflated. My husband also feels deflated and depressed and we’ve discussed money matters and his work this month but we’ve not really found a resolution or figured out a plan! I feel lost without a plan on what we’re going to do…I think my husband is still trying to figure everything out as he’s not keen on my suggestion…

i’m a planner and I try to manage the reno and help with my husband work but I haven’t been 100% as I’m also looking after our baby…

anyway I have mixed emotions right now I’m annoyed, disheartened, disappointed, frustrated and sad!
I have got savings of my own as I have a good job and my mat pay is still good and not on SMP yet so I guess I will have to cover this August’s finances including our mortgage as not sure when husband will have a job…
just annoyed as i was going to use my savings while I’m on SMP so i don’t feel the pinch as much… I keep thinking money is gonna be better in future but future is looking bleak!

I’m contemplating on just going back to work soon… I feel guilty but I also know that we wouldn’t have money worries because we can live on my salary alone.. husband would joke about being a stay at home dad but I don’t know how I feel about this.. I guess I just imagined my husband as the provider for us, make sure we have a roof over our heads etc.
I’m in problem solving mode right now trying to figure everything out… but I am aware I really need to speak with my husband and figure out a plan together but he’s only told me today he doesn’t have any work on so I’m panicking thinking of the worst etc

How many weeks does he take as holiday in a year? How many days pet week does he work?

He’s self employed so it’s not set… when we got together Christmas is non negotiable so he takes 2 weeks off.
I did suggest to him that he use this couple of weeks to take a break and we can dip into our savings which I’ve managed to put away but to tell me he’s got nothing concrete booked for the month of August has got me worried! Next job he’s lined up is end of September so I’m worried that he might not plan or have something for 8 weeks!

If your husband isn't going to be working for the next several weeks, he had best be working his arse off on reno projects around the house. If I were you I would insist on it and I would not except any excuses.

Thank you will insist on this and get him to do the jobs around the house that we’ve got materials for! He seems to find reno work in the house that we need to buy new materials for which is frustrating as he really just needs to stick to one job at a time!

Make him sit down and spec out the job in the house like a serious project manager would. Then help him chart his work day/week.

Does he have ADHD? His inability to focus and to manage his time and workflow are alarming. You are in for a world of disappointment because it sounds like he is not very committed or disciplined.

If he can't keep a steady income flow, he's not fit to be self-employed, and needs to get a job ASAP. No excuses.

Is there any possibility OP that in the back of your husband’s mind he thinks “ OP has plenty of money, she can bail us out, I can’t be bothered lining up work ..” is there an element of laziness at play?
He knew this baby was coming. You knew and saved and set money aside… why didn’t he do the same?
I hate to say it OP but I get a bad feeling about this… I see a future where you are carrying the entire load for your family….. the financial burden, the childcare responsibilities and your husband will flit in and out of work with Ne’r a worry because you earn enough to keep you all and he is happy to let you…
If your husband is an anyway competent tradesman it is hard to imagine no work on the horizon. In my work I employ lots of different trades and every single tradesman I know is booked months and months in advance, from plumbers to decorators and all trades in between.
I agree with poster above, if he can’t maintain a steady income being self employed then he needs to be looking for a job.
Someone with a family cannot afford to be cavalier about maintaining a steady income in the absence of any medical reason etc

This! Nip it in the bud right now and get him to sort himself out

I can't believe he has no work booked in until September! We've been trying to get some work done on our house and good builders are booked up for months.

Good point.

If nothing else he could do small jobs. Everyone I know is desperate for handyman / odd-job man to fix little things around the house and garden.

Is he making any effort at all to market himself that way?

He works mainly with developers but project has been put on hold as there’s been issue with planning etc he has done odd days work which to be fair he earns an equivalent to a weeks wage but cash flow is an issue as he doesn’t get paid for it until after 30 days…

So he's relying on you to pay the bills for the next 8 weeks. I wonder what he'd do if you didn't have any savings?

Just to play devils advocate.
In our area trades are really struggling to get work, it looks like everyone is tightening their belts!

My DCs father is SE trade. My advice to you is prioritise the secure, salaried, paid sick and holiday job in the household, ie, yours. SE trade over the decades can be an inconsistent feast or famine and you are reliant on lots of things outside of your control from the weather to cash flow to your health to the wider economy. When its good he's the 'breadwinner' for sure, but there's no guarantee of the good. If him being the SAHP would enable you to further your career, don't let traditional sex roles be the enemy if common sense. Let him. He can supervise the work on your home and pick up work around your job, using childcare as and when. I can't tell you how glad I am that we did that.

Thanks for this really good advice and has given me food for thought for when I go back to work. I’m actually in limbo with the hours I will do when I go back… my plan is to work part time then work my way up to full time.. x

Husband does get jobs but it’s annoying when they change their minds or rebook to a different date