Birthday present no contact

[juicydroppop]

I'll try and keep this short - been no contact with my parents for a few months now, have tried to reach out a couple of times to figure out how we can move forward but on both occasions they have completely gaslit me and refused to accept any responsibility in their part of things. I've also recently found out that my brother, sister in law and my nan have blocked and deleted me and want nothing to do with me even though they don't know my side of the story

Received a present and card in the post for my 6 year old daughter's birthday in a few weeks time from my parents. Husband says we should return it.

I don't want to fix the relationship anymore as they shut me down twice but is sending the gift back cruel? Anyone else been in this position?

Yes. I'm no contact with my sister for very good reasons I won't go into. I sent her child a birthday present and will send a Christmas present and will continue to do so.

When I sent the birthday present my sister acknowledged it and said thank you on her child's behalf and then a couple of days later followed it up with abusive texts about our fall out which I ignored.

The thing is - the children have nothing to do with the family fall out. Also they will make their own minds up when they're adults. They won't necessarily feel the same way you do and want nothing to do with their grandparents.

Accept the present, give it your child. It's nothing to do with them.

Give the present to your DD, it’s gifted to her from her GP. Don’t drag her into your issues x

You're right. And I don't want to send it back, something in my gut says that's not the right thing. I just don't want my daughter to grow up and then feel like she was robbed of something. It's so hard

We are also virtually no contact with DH's parents and sibling, have been for a few years now. Parents send birthday and Christmas greetings and small amount of cash for the kids. They accept and they acknowledge as the family issues are between DH and his parents, not the grandkids. Now kids are older, they are making up their own minds re contact, we have tried so hard to explain both sides of argument. They were old enough when dplit happened to generally understand what wss going on. Kids have chosen to send cards to just one of them but have not shared phone numbers, for fear of being used as a way for family to argue with DH again. Thankfully, we do not live close. As PPs have said, it's not your daughter's fault. We can't stop them contacting when adults, if they wish to do so.

Thank you, I really like this response. All I want to do is the right thing by her. A lot of choices were taken away from me growing up and I don't want to lie to her about anything but I also don't want to feed her bad stories about them either. It's so difficult I guess I'm just scared of doing the wrong thing by her

What's cruel is that they are treating there grand child's parents badly. My inlaw's are similar cause nothing but aggro, my husband went no contact for the past year and his mother continued to send gifts to our young daughter via the local ice cream driver who would stop on our street every night!! in grannies eyes its ok to accept money from a strange man!! told the ice cream man to stop giving our daughter money as it was inappropriate, he continued after we had spoken to him about it ended up with us having to get the police to pay my mother in law a visit to get her to stop. I just think the grand parents need to mend there relationship with there own children first then they can have a relationship with the grand children.

I am NC with my abusive mother

My advice is not to return it (that constitutes contact) but don’t give the present to your child. Give it to charity.

Are they any sort of risk to her?