AIBU to be honest with my kids about danger

[Flossyts]

what a horrific horrible event in Southport today. My heart goes out to those poor kids and their families.
It terrifies me as a mother and also makes me wonder whether my kids would know what to do in such a scary situation. Would they know to leave the building for example despite at the beginning of the session having been being expressly told not to. My autistic son would perhaps not.
My kids were telling me that they were talking to a neighbour in the woods (they weren’t in the woods, our garden backs onto the woods). They thought it’s ok because he’s not a stranger. (Despite having been told that not all dangerous ppl are strangers) I told them about the Soham murders (2 young girls murdered by their school caretaker). They don’t seem ‘distressed’ by this, but still I wonder if I’ve take it too far. I don’t want to make therm terrified of everything but at the same time I’m petrified that I don’t give them enough info to stay safe. My son wants to walk home from school from next year (aged 10) and although it’s only 5 mins village walk it scares the life of me.
AIBU for being honest and scaring the kids a little? Has anyone had this backfire?

If random people are staring into your garden through the fence from the woods, the logical way to protect your children would be a higher fence. Increases the security of your property as well.

I think it’s the level of honesty to have with kids. I am obviously not saying those kids could have been prevented what happened. I was suggesting that my child might not think he could escape because he’s rules based and would have been told by his me he cannot leave until I pick him up. He knows what to do in a fire. It has never occurred to me to have discussed other types of emergency until today.

im sorry you find that offensive. Literally reaching out for help and alternative pov here- nothing else.

He’s never going to come into the garden. There’s a stream and a steep banking. I think it’s the willingness of my children to have a conversation with him and their need to be polite rather than end it.

with son walking to school next year, I’m trying to figure out how to get him to understand what Boundaries need to be in place. (And why). ‘To keep you safe’ doesn’t seem strong enough

The sad and scary truth is there is nothing you can do to train them to ever avoid being caught up in something terrible. We don't have that much control over life.

Teach them basic sensible safety and emergency behaviours, but don't go terrorising them trying to drill them on every rare or uncontrollable scenario. Or deliberately trying to scare them to share your level of anxiety.

Sometimes you do everything you were supposed to do perfectly and the terrible thing still happens.

I’ve taught my DC that “stranger danger” can be a bit of a myth, as people who are dangerous to children can be anywhere and could actually be a smiling sports coach who everybody loves, a school teacher, a relative, a family friend…

I have taught them that the majority of people are good and kind and helpful and safe to be around. But the point is that we cannot tell how trustworthy someone is by looking at them, or even based on the job that they have, or based on other people’s opinions. When they were younger they understood that someone is a safe person to talk to in some settings (sports coach at sports practice for example, school caretaker while in school) but if they are approached by that person in another setting, they actually fall back into a stranger category at that point in terms of trust.

We have worked on “gut instinct” from being quite young, on the “it’s more important to be safe than it is to be polite” rule and on keeping really open communication with each other at home.

My DC aren’t paranoid wrecks, they honestly aren’t, they are happy and confident and friendly.

There is no point sugar coating things in terms of “innocence” though. There are sex offenders everywhere who will happily train for years to get into close contact with children, as well as your opportunist “man in a mac” types.

Re: would a DC break rules by running off during a dangerous incident… I think that comes the under “gut instinct/better to be safe than to be polite” headings. In the same way, I don’t encourage blind obedience, it is always okay to say no to an adult when asked to do something you think is wrong (and that is a very important thing for an autistic DC especially OP).