We (me, dh, 2 yr old ds) are moving on Saturday. This move has mostly been instigated by me, and I've thought it was a great idea, but I'm suddenly petrified and full of anxiety and regret.
Context: We currently live in Surrey. We've been living here for about 5 years, moved here for my husband's job, which he really likes. We've been living in our current flat for about 3.5 years. I hated this flat when we moved in and am still not keen on it (though it's nicer in the summer than winter). We moved here 2 weeks after I had a stillbirth, I was a mess, and the flat made everything feel worse. I don't think I entered the 2nd bedroom for about a year. Then we had my ds, and ultimately this became the flat he has grown up in, which has warmed me to it. At the same time, it has lots of issues, and we've been wanting to move out of it for ages (especially in the winter when it gets cold and damp and I worry it's a health hazard) but rent prices have gone through the roof here - our landlords haven't raised our rent, so this is really the only thing we could afford in the area.
We're now in a position where we'd like to buy but the area is just so expensive for what it is. We both work in public sector, and our salaries are just small for this area.
A job came up for my dh somewhere 2 hrs away - other side of London - and I encouraged him to go for it. The job is the same exact job and pay. It's a place that we know well - my dh lived there when I met him actually - and know is a nice area that has lots of positives. It's also much, much more affordable, and we can afford to buy a decent house there. I can also afford to go down to 4 days a week and have an extra day with ds. We'd have train station to London (longer journey than now, but direct line) in walking distance, have managed to enrol my ds in an outstanding nursery with lots of outside space, also walking distance, and my dh's commute will be cut in half and he can cycle to work every day if he wants which he prefers to driving. We can still see all our London friends so that doesn't really change, and we know some people in the general area as well. On paper, it all seemed like it would be silly not to go for it and to improve our quality of life.
But now that I'm packing everything away, I'm having huge huge huge panic. My dh loved his job, and what if he hates this one and I've made him miserable. My son had a lovely childminder and what if he hates nursery. what if there isn't as much to do with him there and he misses the parks, playgrounds etc that we go to here. I'm also worried as we're currently about 1.5-2 hrs away from dh's family (my family live in a different country), which is nice, though they never really come visit - we always visit them, but my son loves it, and they have come to help in a couple of emergency "really need some help tomorrow" scenarios which I've appreciated. We're now extending that journey to about 3.5 hours and I'm worried. I've also just found out I'm pregnant recently and this is also making moving and the unknown seem even scarier - but equally, if we stayed here, I don't know how we'd afford two children. But maybe I should've tried harder to stay and found an alternative. I'm just feeling very panicky that I've pushed my family into a decision that is going to make us miserable and will be impossible to undo.