To need help organising my life

[triplecookedpotato]

This isn't really an AIBU but I desperately need help getting my life organised and so am posting here for traffic.

I have had a really tough two years dealing with infertility and am now on antidepressants as I had what can only be described as a breakdown last year. I am trying really hard to get back on top of my mental health but I am struggling hugely with staying organised and just being on top of general life admin.

I work freelance, which means that I don't really have proper structure around my work day and I increasingly get distracted by things and my work and keeping on top of the general house work is being massively impacted – I need advice on strategies that can help. At the moment, it's like I have the attention span of a gnat for anything that actually needs to be done but can get lost in something completely unnecessary for a huge chunk of the day. I don't know whether this is to do with the antidepressants or just me generally. I used to be really good at getting through a lot each day though.

I have just bought a weekly and a monthly wall planner and I'm going to plan out each month with regular days to do things (e.g. online grocery shop, change bedding, washing, clean fridge etc) and each week with work tasks.

Are there any other tips that anyone has for creating structure and being focused? If I continue the way I'm going, I'm going to completely destroy the freelance career I spent so many years building up..

Hey, sorry to hear about your struggles with infertility- I’m on the waiting list for IVF, so I get what a head f*k the whole thing is.

I struggle with doom scrolling, I’ve found the app forest really handy. You set yourself a timer and you can’t look at your phone until the allotted time is over or your tree dies. It means I stop myself getting distracted with IG and actually get on with work. I’ve also disabled all notifications on my phone.

My house is ‘lived in’ as I’ve started prioritising exercise for my mental health. Getting up for a run has given me a structure and a start time for my day. I started with couch to 5k and I’ve been keeping it up for the last three months. However, it’s eaten into the time I’d normally do chores. I’ve decided it’s not my job to keep the house looking like a show home. If my husband wants it cleaner he knows where the hoover is. And if friends pop in and judge me, they aren’t friends worth having! Trying to work out what serves me, for me it’s lowering expectations on myself and prioritising having fun and being happy. Which is easier said than done.

Be kind to yourself 💛

@Hep1989 Thanks for replying! And I'm sorry to hear you are also dealing with infertility - it's such a difficult journey.

This is good advice. I think waking up and exercising every morning would be a really good start. I have an issue with doomscrolling in the evening. I go to bed at a reasonable time and then before I know it it's 1am and there's no way I'm getting up early to go for a run... I'll definitely look into the Forest app, that sounds really useful for during the day. Maybe I'll also start leaving my phone in a different room at night so I'm not able to get distracted instead of sleeping..

Sorry you're struggling, it sounds like a really tough time. Try to be kind to yourself as there's only so much you can or should realistically do in a day.

I'm still forming a system myself after having a few months of feeling debilitated due to mental health. I work from home and was starting to feel like I couldn't keep on top of either work or life.

First thing I'd suggest is be realistic about your own specific life/work situation. What are the things you really want to get done, and what can slide? What support do you have of people who can share the burden? I looked up cleaning/organising systems where you do set tasks regularly and it was just far too much for me personally at this point in life, but it may work for you and does work for a lot of people.

I think having a weekly wall planner is a great idea as it can help you visualise the week and keep track of a manageable to-do list (but keep it small and have a separate, bigger "everything" list - no point writing down everything you can think of to try and get done as you might be easily overwhelmed by that). One of the things I'm working towards, which someone else suggested on Mumsnet, is having set days for small set tasks e.g. watering the plants on the same day each week so eventually it will become second nature and not another thing to "get done".

Look into the "rewarding routine". It's the idea that you need to build time in the week for yourself and that it should be scheduled in some way or it won't happen. This can be short bursts e.g. short exercise video, meditation, a coffee out with a friend, reading a book or another hobby. And can help the menial life admin tasks feel more achievable as you aren't in perpetual drudgery.

For work I have a Moleskine weekly diary that has a blank page opposite the days for scrawling work to-do lists and I sometimes jot life stuff there if I remember it during work hours then look at it later.
Good luck, I really do feel for you as I think modern life is far too busy and it can feel impossible to get on top of, but you will, please just be gentle with yourself too as you're not a machine.

Check out the Legend planner. It actually asks you to set up quarterly and weekly goals and priorities and you have each day split into 30min slots. I started using it a couple of weeks ago and what I do is sit down on a Sunday and put down some general structure in highlighter. Orange for work, yellow for exercise, blue for creativity, green for reading/learning and red for cleaning/household jobs. At lunch I set 20 min timer for "movement" which could be anything from exercising to gardening and then 15 min timer for cleaning. Last week I discovered that I can actually clean the kitchen and the living room in 15 min if I move fast enough. I can focus for 15 min and it doesn't seem like a big undertaking.

@Catza ohh the Legend planner looks good (although I tend to get diaries and use them for a few weeks then they sit there doing nothing... which is why I've gone for a wall planner – hoping that having it directly in front of me will mean I actually use it!) I think putting timers on for particular activities is a good idea too

I hear you. But I need a planner for work anyway so this was a good way for me to get a bit more reflection and structure in my life by combining the two together. I can't use calendar planner as I need a proper hour by hour routine or I get sidetracked easily.

Which one do you use? I've just bought the Pro which has the weekly and monthly views – it looks much more useful than the diary I'm currently using / trying to use!

Tidy and "clean" one room of the house per day, by clean I mean dust, wipe a wet cloth over surfaces, clean off any visible stains (e.g. light switches, door and window handles), and vacuum. Put cushion covers, throws, bedding, bathroom mats and towels in the wash on a certain day of the week (or split in half depending on size of household and washing machine!)

Try to keep rooms tidy as you go by putting things back in their place and taking things with you when you change room. As you get into a cleaning routine, you will realise and stop doing things that make it more difficult to clean. (e.g. spit the toothpaste residue down the plughole instead of all over the sink).

Wash / clear up as you go along when cooking and wash up after finishing each meal.

If you live with others, get them to help!

I use hourly. I looked into pro but I am not sure why I decided against it. Maybe it didn't have hourly slots.. or maybe it had other faff I didn't need.

Splitting tasks into tiny steps seems to work for me e.g. if I need to phone a company, task 1 is finding the number. I can tick that off and feel a sense of achievement. Then the next day I might try calling it. So tasks that feel "too much" start to feel do-able. I also use Just 5 Minutes on a timer as a "get started" strategy.

I have a Google calendar that is my home calendar bible, this is shared with the family so they know what is going on. I have to juggle DHs FT shifts, 2 DC in different schools and I wfh FT.

I also have a wall calendar for home stuff that everyone can glance at, paper stuff is clipped to this, (invitations, school letters, upcoming cards to go out etc.) The meal plan goes on each day.

Shopping list: I have laminated a huge list of items we buy and attached to the fridge with a whiteboard pen, everyone has to tick what we need so I'm ready for the next shopping trip. DH takes a photo if he goes shopping, I have an app that I transfer it to.

Work diary: I have struggled with this and have just made my own from a lined notebook. Week to page, notepad and to do list. I have a list of all upcoming important dates I cannot miss. I have a list of tasks that have to be done per week, Ie 1st week of the month: xxxx, 2nd week... etc. I also have a list of tasks that fall on certain months. I update my diary when tasks come in. On a Friday afternoon, I will update the next 2 weeks referring back to the weekly and monthly tasks. This usually keeps me on top of everything. My role has to ensure that 8 Ltd companies run smoothly, the Directors are not the most organised. I will pre empt jobs and get them done in plenty of time.

These are years of trial and error but it now works.

I've just cancelled the weekly one and ordered an hourly one – it actually does look a lot more useful!